


Relighting Candles { Klaine }

by Rowan_13



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:05:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 61,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6285877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rowan_13/pseuds/Rowan_13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt is the broken boy.<br/>He never speaks, hardly smiles. </p><p>Blaine is the new roommate at Dalton.<br/>He's loud mouthed, awkward.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Candles

**Author's Note:**

> Hey. I'm Rowan.
> 
> I want to warn you now that this story will have some trigger warnings. It's based around depression and other branches on that tree so please, if this might trigger you, I urge you not to put yourself in danger.
> 
> This story may include (but is not limited to) -  
> Depression  
> Self harm  
> Social anxiety  
> Anorexia verging on Bulimia
> 
> Please don't read this if it might trigger you. I'll try to warn you when it crops up, just please know what this story entails before reading.
> 
> ~ Rowan

"Kurt?" There it was, Rachel- again. She was certain there was something wrong with me, thought I was ill or whatever, probably just after my solo in the next Glee club performance.

Of course, there was something wrong with me, just quite a little deeper than a scratchy throat as she thought. It was nice though, I mean she at least noticed I wasn't 'fine'.

"Yes?" I flickered on my usual bright smile, turning to the ever so slightly irritating girl who thought everything could be fixed by her song.

"You just seem a little off Kurt, is something wrong?"

"No of course not, I'm perfectly fine, just thinking." My reply was vague, as usual, though it seemed to satisfy Rachel, as usual. She noticed, though she never acted upon it.

Rachel smiled brightly to me in return, certain she'd already gotten to the core of it, "Oh, okay, see you later then."  
And without an 'it'll be okay', she turned the corner, probably to find my step-brother again.  
Because honestly, who actually cares about me?

A sigh escaped my lips once I'd realised I had been left alone in the choir room, that wasn't a good idea anymore.  
Leaving me to my own thoughts, it just didn't seem to be safe anymore. There was always something nagging . . .

'Ugly.'

'Fat.'

'Freak.'

'Fag.'

The last was definitely true, it was just the harsh tone my own consciousness said it in. The others? Well, were they? I seemed to think so.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut to try and shake the thoughts out of my head. It never worked, but it was always worth a try.

"Oi! Lady!" Okay, so apparently I wasn't too thrilled when someone finally came to accompany me. What happened to being safe at lunch in the choir room?

My eyelids fluttered open once again, seeing Karofsky smirking at the door, though slowly advancing towards me,

"Not today Dave, I'm really not in the mood."

There's the sass that got me into this mess in the first place.

"Shut it Hummel!" Karofsky embellished his point with a hard punch to the gut as he finally reached me, sending me reeling over in my seat, clutching at my already quite delicate stomach.

Karofsky sent me a glare as I almost retched, practically incapable of handling such a blow to my stomach. Though I kept it in, who knows what he'd have done if I'd thrown up all over his nasty, dirty trainers.

"Awww, it's okay Princess, I'm sure Prince Charming will save you. Oh wait! You don't have a Prince Charming! Because you're a nasty little piece of gay."

"Hypocrite." The word came out under my breath all on it's own, of course though, I'm not exactly quiet.

"Shut up Pretty Boy! It's your fault anyway! You're just trash!" Karofsky spat the intentionally cruel nickname.

A punch, a kick, and a bleeding, split lip later sent me sprawling on the floor.

Just before I blacked out from the final blow he placed on my jaw, I heard a voice, Finn's voice.  
Loud, and booming, like he actually cared, "KAROFSKY!"

'Finally.'

And with that, my head rolled backwards and my eyes rolled upwards as I carefully slipped from consciousness. Finally, someone had found out.

Even if it was my former bully turned step-brother.

* * *

 

"Kurtie? Hey, I think he's waking up! Hang in there Princess, everything's going to get better." All I could hear was the racing voice of Puck, he'd gotten really protective over me as he'd been another who'd seemed to notice there was at least a little wrong.

That was all I could hear, not my dad, my family, no one. Until.

"Kurt? Can you hear me? If you can hear me, squeeze my hand. I'm holding yours right now. Just squeeze back. Come on, Kurt. Just squeeze my hand."  
So he heard me? Then remembered what I said? Well, maybe it wasn't quite worth letting go just yet.

With every fibre of my body, I focused so hard on moving my fingers, just ever so slightly, just like he had.

"Nurse! Nurse, he's squeezing my hand!" I could hear my dad's voice, he was crying, and I hated it. I hated doing that to him.

I could feel the slightest twitch of a frown flicker across my features for a mere second. My fingers moving gently, desperately trying to grip on to my dad's larger hands.

Eventually, with one final effort, my eyelids flew open, not even a soft fluttering like they usually did when I first woke in the morning. My pupils immediately shrinking to show off more of my blue irises when the harsh white light stung at my heavy-lidded eyes.

Disorientated, my head spun as the cries from my bedside continued, he was still crying- wait, why was he crying?

"D- Dad?" My voice was raspy, and cold, as if unused for a while, but that didn't sound like me. That, and my bedroom wasn't purely stark white. "Where am I Dad?"

"Kurtie! Oh my God! My little boy's awake! Kurt, you've been out for days, almost two weeks even! You're in the hospital." My dad sobbed into his tissue, gripping onto my hand as if he'd never let me go again.

"Oh."  
This was all I could muster, they must have found out about a few things- I mean I wasn't in my usual, recently long-sleeved, clothes so they'd obviously changed me.

"Kurt, they're saying you must have been starving yourself, throwing up deliberately even. That you'd have healed quicker if your body had enough energy to do so. Th- that, and your arms Kurtie, your arms. That Karofsky kid, he didn't do all of that, did he Kurt? You're covered in bruises, when you started locking your door to change, I just thought you started finding it awkward changing in front of me- that's normal, not that your torso was black and blue, Kurtie. That's not normal." His voice was so quiet, terrified even, "Karofsky wouldn't have been so precise in his lines on your arms either Kurtie. That wasn't him, was it?"

Somewhere in between me waking up, and the current moment, Puck had left the room. I hoped before my dad's speech.

I had nothing to say, they were completely right, right about everything.

My head simply remained hung, looking down at my lap constantly, I couldn't face him. I noticed that my arms had been bandaged tightly, again stark white. Two weeks clean- personal best, and I'd slept through it.

"I'm not mad at you, just a little disappointed, I was kind of hoping you'd talk to me about anything- I could have helped." He was so persistent! Couldn't he see I just wanted to be alone!

Before I could stop myself, that short piece of rage burst from me violently, "Leave me alone, okay?! I just want some peace! No wonder I didn't come to you! God, you can't ever just let things go can you?!"

As soon as the words were out I wanted to suck them straight back in, immediately feeling bad.

"Oh gosh- Dad- I didn't mean that!" I quickly tried to reassure him that I was just irritable from the medicine but he walked out, breaking into tears once again. "What have I done?" My sigh escaped into the empty air, though was disturbed by a chuckling Puck.

"I heard that, you know? Finally turned badass, hey? I know you don't want to hear this but all he's really trying to do is help. You're going to have to help him though, it takes your cooperation as well to get better."

"I know, I was just snappy." My voice sounded tired and weary, I winced as I raised my arms to rub at my eyes. The bandages were so tight, they made the wounds sting, making me remember the feeling as I stared down at them, wondering how white that bandage would be if the wounds were actually open.

Puck stared over at me in distress, the expression on my face as I looked at my bandages must have been one of fascination, or one of delight that my arms were stinging.

"Kurt? As I said, he just wants you to get better." Puck's voice was soft and smooth, it sounded genuine but I never knew when people were being sarcastic anymore. Karofsky had scared me into taking everything so very seriously.

I glanced over to Puck with strained eyes, staring down at my wrists for one mere second more before pulling the gaze away. "I know." So quiet and raspy, almost a whisper yet still heard by the one remaining visitor. I'd scared my own dad away, and obviously no one else cared enough to come.

"Kurt, you're far too skinny, no wonder you wear a thermal in P.E. now, and I don't think being alone with just your thoughts is the best thing for you." His hand rested carefully on my knee, "Now let us help you."

My head nodded, knowing Puck was right, I couldn't go on this way any longer, "Fine, but there's no way I'm going back to McKinley any time soon."

To which Puck responded with an understanding nod.  
"Of course, that's why your dad, he's already taken you out. You'll be attending Dalton Academy. It's a private all boys boarding school in the country where Karofsky can't hurt you. Look, I know it's tough right now, and it feels like you're being sent away because you did something wrong. That's not true. Your dad just wants his boy back, the one who doesn't flinch when someone raises an arm. Dalton has a strict no bullying policy to make sure you feel safe, and welcomed there." Puck explained carefully, worried that I would lash out again. "I promise, I'll visit you every weekend, and bring along different annoying Glee club members every so often. Mercedes the most, of course. I'll cut back on the Rachel, she'll only want to sing to make you feel better." He smiled gently at me as he saw I wasn't getting upset.

"Thank you." I whispered, laying my head back against the pillow as I was slowly pulled under by the sheer amount of pain relief running through my veins to keep me numb.

"Sleep tight Princess." Puck chuckled ever so softly as he realised I was falling asleep, his hand left my knee and in seconds, sleep had completely consumed me.

* * *

 

When I awoke again the next morning, I was not alone.

Puck must have informed everyone that I was awake because sitting beside my bed were Mercedes, Rachel, Quinn, Finn, Sam, and Artie. Lord only knows how they convinced the nurses to let so many people in at once.

I kind of wished they hadn't, I liked my peace.

"Kurt!" Immediately Rachel launched forwards, clinging onto me in a tight hug. It didn't actually accomplish anything, only made me whimper when she unknowingly squeezed my arms and ribs together.

"Oh gosh! Did I hurt you? How? Let me see," The brunette demanded quickly, forcefully tearing my bandaged arms from out under the covers without waiting for my permission.

I whimpered again as she dropped my hands immediately, taking a step back as blood seeped slowly through. She'd opened some of my newer scars, and I couldn't take my eyes away from the gently growing patch of red.

It was fascinating.

It was bliss.

I couldn't tell you how my arms had been itching.


	2. Big White Room

"Oh my! Kurt? Are you okay? Kurt?" Mercedes rushed forwards immediately, I was glad that she was here. It seemed that she wasn't so disgusted by me.

Mercedes pulled my head upwards so that I was looking directly into her eyes instead.   
"Please don't think like that Kurtie, I can see it in your eyes. Okay, focus on me, yeah?" She smiled gently, tucking my arms back underneath the bed sheets so that I couldn't see them.   
"You're happy now though, right?"

My gaze remained firmly in my lap once she'd let go of my face. I wasn't trying to see my arms anymore, just evading the question.

"Kurt?" My best friend looked at me with hurt flashing across her eyes. "And where the hell were you Finn!? Look at him! I refuse to believe you didn't catch on!"

"Hey! You're his best friend Mercedes! You see him more than I do!" Finn fought back quickly, "At least I found him when Karofsky was beating him up!"

"Well I doubt it was the first time." Mercedes grumbled, taking the seat right beside my bed.

I fiddled with my thumbs beneath the sheets, watching Rachel from across the room, still looking horrified.

"Oh, is it too many people for you Kurt? I should have known. Finn, Rachel, Sam. Out." Mercedes instructed, shooing them as they begrudgingly trundled into the hallway outside.

"Hey Kurt, how are you feeling?" Artie smiled softly as he brought his wheelchair closer, reaching out to lay a hand on my arm comfortingly.

"I'm okay." I smiled, nodding along with it. I'd been saying this for months now when asked. Even before Karofsky started bullying me, I'd been sad before that. Just not so full of self doubt and mainly self hatred.

"No, Kurt, you're not. I'm not stupid." Artie shook his head quickly, gesturing to how my arms were bandaged and still hidden from sight. If I saw them, I'd probably start clawing at them to get the bandages off.

Automatically, my smile fell, and I did allow myself a short scratch at my wrists when my character was dropped.   
No one had seen the 'Real Kurt' in a very long time, so this sudden slump shocked them immensely. That wasn't even the half of it.

"This is how you feel Kurt?" Quinn spoke gently, as if worried that her words would set me off.

"On a good day." For some reason, I trusted these three more than the others.

Mercedes was my best friend.

Artie knew what it was like to be different.

Quinn, she'd just been through it all.

"Kurt, don't worry. Karofsky's been expelled for when you come back." Mercedes smiled reassuringly.

Apparently they didn't know.

"Puck said my Dad's enrolled me in Dalton instead . . ." I spoke quietly, mumbling as I was worried they'd hit me for transferring schools.

"What! Karofsky scared my boy out of high school? I can't believe it!" Mercedes exclaimed, throwing her arms up near my head in exasperation. Though all she succeeded in doing was making me flinch away dramatically, terrified she'd strike out.  
"I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to scare you." She lowered her voice incredibly so as not to scare me again.

"It's fine." I nodded, my lips attempting to flicker into a small smile.

"It's not fine. I thought we'd be graduating together! I can't believe that in the end, Karofsky's basically won."

"Come on Mercedes, Karofsky hasn't won at all. Kurt is still sitting here, he hasn't been pushed far enough to try to end it." Quinn replied in her sugar drop sweet voice. Honestly, that girl would fit in with a flock of angels.

What they don't know can't hurt them.

"You're right, I'm overreacting. Promise we can Skype? Call? Text? Everything? You're not just going to join the Warblers and be just another rival in the show choir competitions right? I don't want to lose you Kurt." My friend was almost crying by this point, and to be honest, I wasn't far away either.

"Of course. We can still see each other on the weekends. I'm not just going to leave you." A lie. Lately, I wasn't so sure.

"Good." Smiles filled the room as each of them thought I was better. They thought that now that I'd been taken away from Karofsky I would stop hating myself.

Isn't ignorance blissful?

"Hey, um. I'm kinda tired. Could you ask the others to come back some other time? Maybe let Finn in, he's my brother. I just don't really want to have to put up with that today." As I was speaking more, my voice was returning. It no longer sounding cracked and broken, only tired and rundown. No different to how I sounded when alone.

"Of course. I hope you feel better soon Kurt." Mercedes spoke with care and concern, as if she was worried a harsh tone would take it too far.

"It's going to be okay Kurt." Quinn smiled with her pearly white teeth, planting a delicate kiss on my cheek before taking the handles of Artie's wheelchair to push him out.

"See ya Kurt." Artie patted my hand comfortingly before bringing his hand back down to his lap. Resigning himself to Quinn's direction.

"We love you Kurt. Don't ever forget that." And with that, Mercedes led the way out of the small hospital room.

Lies.

Why would they love me?

I'm disgusting.

Rachel saw it. She was horrified.

"Kurt? Quinn said you wanted to see me?" Finn's voice echoed in the empty room from the doorway.

"Yeah, just to make sure you're okay. And to say thank you." My hand reached up to beckon him closer and Finn walked awkwardly towards the bed. Leaning against the side railings with a worried frown on his face.

"You could have told me. I could have sorted him out ages ago, why didn't you trust me?" He pleaded desperately, obviously hating himself for not seeing what was wrong.

There. See? All I do is hurt people.

"I didn't want you to get hurt. No offence, but you're not exactly the strongest football player out there." My small smile had fallen. I was numb.

Numb is worse than sad.

It's the part after sad.

When you forget why you feel the way you do and everything just shuts down.

Emotionless. Broken.

"None taken." Finn sighed from the side, letting his eyes water slightly as he took my hand. "We all thought we were gonna lose you. Quinn's been praying every day." His voice was cracking by this point, breaking and snapping, splintering and shattering. He was a wreck, and I'd planted the seed.

I didn't ever want to put them in this position.

I hated myself for how I'd made them feel.

"Don't cry Kurt. It's all going to get better." Finn rushed his words as he looked to my face.   
I hadn't even noticed the tear tracks streaming down my previously rosy cheeks.

Maybe one day it would get better. At that moment, there wasn't much that had ever been worse.

* * *

 

"Kurt? Honey? The Doctors say you can go home now? I'll put your clothes here for you to change. I'll be back in ten minutes to see if you're done. Your parents are in the waiting room." My Nurse smiled brightly as she walked in, laying the clothes that my dad and Carole had brought for me on the chair in the corner. She closed the blind to the window and collected the clipboard from beside my bed.

"Thank you Nurse Nancy." I returned the gesture with one of my own, smiling towards her as I sat up in the bed. They'd only been monitoring me since I'd woken. I'd been able to leave straight away, they just wanted to make sure.

"You're welcome Sweetheart. Now hurry up and get changed, I bet you can't wait to get home." She chuckled softly as she left, her words ringing in my ears.

Home.

I couldn't wait.

Home is where the sharp objects are.


	3. For Good

_Some of this may be upsetting, I will point out the parts that should be missed if you wish to avoid triggers._

_~ Rowan_

* * *

 

The car ride home was silent, not a word was spoken as my dad kept a tight grip around the steering wheel.

I looked awful. Carole didn't pack any concealer or hairspray so my eyes looked tired and my hair flopped down onto my face like my fringe used to. Her fashion sense had gotten better though that didn't mean that she should be allowed to dress me ever again.

She'd picked up one of Finn's t-shirts by mistake so it was far too big and far too plain, as well as a pair of black skinny jeans.

I looked atrocious.

Carole tried to keep the peace though nothing seemed to be working, we weren't arguing, yet he clearly hadn't forgiven me for what I had said either.

As much as I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, I just couldn't. Something inside of me had been thinking about this thing ever since I'd woken the day before.

Maybe it would be better if I didn't speak to people? Sure, I'd be answering questions and if someone asked me something, or talked to me, I would reply. Maybe it would be better if I didn't show my real personality, or if I didn't initiate conversations? I didn't usually so it wouldn't make much of a difference anyway if I just stopped completely.

"Burt?" Carole placed her hand soothingly over my father's, which was resting cautiously on the gear stick. So I wasn't the only one to notice his knuckles whitening.

" 'm fine." Short and sweet; cruel and cold.

Once home I could tell that something was different. We pulled into the drive slowly, reaching a stop just in front of the garage door.

"You ready Kurt?" Although my dad was remaining silent, Carole had a mischievous playfulness to her features as she turned from the front of the truck to glance at me, her curly hair had been pushed carelessly behind her ears.

I stared at her for a moment, a little confused as to why she was acting this way, even still, my voice cracked as I spoke, "No."

"Oh come on! You'll be fine! Let's go inside." Carole grinned happily, jumping out of the car and rushing to my door behind hers, opening it for me and ushering me out. "Get out Burt, stop being so miserable!"

She was definitely up to something.

I was dragged from the backseat just as I heard my dad begin to mumble something about everything being stupid.

Carole dragged me to the door, giggling like a little kid as she pulled on my hand, my dad trailing behind. "Ready? Go on, go in."

Suspiciously, my hand reached out tentatively to turn the door handle.

What were they going to do? Let me in, lock the door, and burn the house down? I don't know what I was so afraid of.

Oh, right.

That.

All of my fellow Glee club members stood in my living room, grinning and laughing. Ready to welcome me home.

Great.

"Kurt!" Rachel exclaimed as they turned towards the door when hearing it open. She seemed to have gotten over her initial shock from this morning when she put the pieces together.

My legs froze, my mind went numb. I couldn't feel anything, I couldn't think straight. This should have been making me happy but all I wanted was to be alone.

Just as Finn stepped forwards to hug me I began to hyperventilate, breaths came short if at all. I was suffocating on the sheer panic of my situation.

I felt awful, not only did I just want to curl up into a ball and scream but Carole hadn't been thinking when she'd picked out my clothes for coming home. It was hot in Lima, therefore, let's wear short sleeves!

They wouldn't even see the bandages because the nurses took them off the last time they checked my wrists. My wounds weren't bleeding, so they removed the bandages.

I felt naked, exposed. Red lines littered my forearms as I stood before my friends with nothing to conceal them.

"Hey Porcelain, what's up?" Santana spoke up from the crowd that was slowly merging into a blur.

That was it. I bolted from the living room, straight upstairs to my bedroom where I could lock the door and cry.

The white door slammed shut behind me as my delicate fingers fumbled to turn the key in the door knob on the other side. My head rested against the surface gently as the tears finally began to drip down my usually rosy cheeks, collecting in pools underneath my eyes before leaping.

My back slid down the door as my vision blurred when my eyes squeezed tightly shut.

It was all too much. Everything was always too much.

_\---Trigger warning---_

Quivering, I pulled my knees up to my chest cautiously as I wrapped my thin arms around myself. Just trying to hold onto what was left of me. My forearms burned as I realised just how they were itching, I needed something, anything. In an instant I stood, running to my en suite bathroom and throwing the door open to be presented with a newly scrubbed room.

The toilet, the sink, the shower. Everything was gleaming.

My mind immediately ran to the cabinet, forcing my body to throw it open and see that everything had been moved. It was quite clear that someone had been looking for something. Fingers glided cautiously across the top shelf, not a speck of dust left.

I took a deep breath and slowly reached to the back of the cabinet, searching almost desperately for what I prayed was still there.

My mind relaxed instantly as my fingers closed around a small box, the box I'd used to keep my retainer in.

They hadn't found it.

I popped the lid.

Or maybe they had.

The box was empty, not a blade in sight.

The tears came flooding back as I gasped and threw the box aside, rummaging through the cupboard instantly in false hope.

I could hear somebody pounding on my bedroom door as I sank to the floor, refusing to move. I needed some way to punish myself.

Glasz eyes travelled warily over to the toilet.

I was leaning over the basin in a moment, without thinking my fingers slipped down my throat as I attempted to make myself throw up the bland hospital food I'd consumed that morning.

_\---End of trigger---_

Once finished, I flushed the toilet and stood up suddenly, brushing my teeth and using mouthwash to rid my mouth of the vile taste. I splashed cold water on my face to reduce the redness of my puffy eyes and used a little concealer to hide this even more before trudging over to my bedroom door.

My hand hovered over the key for a moment as I listened to whoever was on the other side pounding, they really refused to give up. After a few seconds I turned the key, running to jump on my bed and bury my face in the pillows.

"Kurt?"

It was Mr Schue.

"Kurt? How are you feeling? I'm so sorry we spooked you, we just wanted you to know that we love you and are happy you're home." He sounded so concerned, so careful. Like he actually cared.

"I'm fine, I'm sorry for running out earlier. I was just overwhelmed." He nodded and gave me that winning teacher smile.

"Well we're still here, if you're feeling up to it, do you want to come down and join the party? We were just going to sing together, that and Burt ordered pizza." Mr Schue laughed, walking over and patting my back as I slowly dragged myself to a sitting position.

"Yeah, I'd like that." My expression betrayed me as I only offered a weak smile to join my statement.

Whether he picked up on this or not, he did not say.

"Good." I stood from the bed, keeping my arms wrapped around myself as I followed Mr Schue downstairs, grabbing a black leather jacket from the back of my bedroom door and shrugging it on as I pulled the door to a gentle close behind me.

* * *

 

I sat at the piano, glad I'd never missed a lesson as Rachel requested we make a duet out of 'For Good', one of my favourite Wicked songs.

As I began to hit the keys, Rachel began to sing Elphaba's part, smiling as she focused on the notes, closing her eyes tightly whenever she came across a particularly powerful moment.

**_[Rachel]  
_ I'm limited**   
**Just look at me - I'm limited**   
**And just look at you**   
**You can do all I couldn't do, Glinda**   
**So now it's up to you**   
**For both of us**   
**Now it's up to you**

I couldn't help but smile as I began to sing, knowing that one day Rachel would be a broadway legend and I- I may have lasted long enough to see her debut.

  
_[Kurt]_   
_I've heard it said_   
_That people come into our lives for a reason_   
_Bringing something we must learn_   
_And we are led_   
_To those who help us most to grow_   
_If we let them_   
_And we help them in return_   
_Well, I don't know if I believe that's true_   
_But I know I'm who I am today_   
_Because I knew you..._

I could see them all crying, wiping tears as I glanced out the corner of my eyes, I felt terrible. This was all me.

By this point my own tears were falling, though not because I would never be returning to McKinley or the New Directions, because I was such an awful person. Making my friends cry and weep for the boy who cares so little for himself.

 _Like a comet pulled from orbit_ **(Like a ship blown from its mooring)**  
 _As it passes a sun_ **(By a wind off the sea)**  
 _Like a stream that meets a boulder_ **(Like a seed dropped)**  
 _Halfway through the wood_ **(By a bird in the wood)**

I finished the last few notes and felt someone sit gently beside me. I hung my head in shame as the tears fell freely from my eyes. An arm sneaked its way around my waist, brushing against some of the bruises. I winced slightly, though nothing of significance. It didn't hurt enough to push them away. I felt the top of someone's head brush against my neck as they nuzzled into my shoulder.

My eyes opened for a moment to see that it was Mercedes as a loud sob escaped my lips, forcing them apart and leaping for freedom.

"Remember, don't just join the Warblers and leave us. We'll always be here for you Kurt." She whispered into my ear as the rest of the Glee club gathered around us to comfort me.

I felt myself nodding as I began to sob again, this time hardly even trying to conceal it.

"How long have you actually felt this way Kurt?" Tina reached a hand out to place it over my own, which still rested on the piano keys.

They were seeing maybe half of how I normally felt and this shocked them all. They hadn't seen Kurt for so long, only 'Kurt'. My body, not my soul.

* * *

 

They left maybe half an hour after that, leaving only myself and Finn in the living room. Carole and my dad had already headed upstairs to bed or to read or whatever.

"So. You sure you're okay?" Nope.

"I'm okay." Lies.

"Good." Right. "I'm just gonna go to bed, I've got football practice tomorrow and I need to be up early to see you off. Just remember, if there's anything you ever need, I'm only a phone call away. I don't care if they claim to have a zero-tolerance bullying policy, if there's anyone who deserves a punch, I'll be there. Or Puck. Puck will be there. I can't fight." I let out a hearty chuckle at this as it was true, Finn probably wasn't the most promising candidate for defending my honour in the ring.

"Of course. I'll call if I ever need you. Now go and sleep, I have to pack." At this, Finn smiled at me before turning around and heading upstairs.

"Night Kurt!" I heard a yell from upstairs and smiled gently, gathering the pizza boxes to stack on the side before heading upstairs to find a bag that I could put my things in.

Before long, my bag was packed with what I wouldn't need in the morning and my Dalton uniform hung perfectly ironed on the back of my door.


	4. Breathe

"So you see Sir, I just want Kurt to feel welcome here. Could you make sure that that happens?"

My dad was speaking to the principal of Dalton Academy. It's quite a drive out of town so I was going to be boarding there and he had come in that morning to help me get settled in.

I sat, patiently waiting in the secretary's room with the door that led into his office. I could hear the whole conversation, my dad hadn't shut the door properly when he went in. I felt incredibly out of place. My uniform wasn't particularly comfortable as the blazer was far too big and hung from my delicate shoulders like a box.

"Of course Mr Hummel. We will do everything we can do to assure that Kurt feels like he belongs here at Dalton with us. We've heard about what he's going through and the teachers have been warned not to push him if he refuses to answer a question."

Oh, I could see how it was going to be.

"Now, if you'd like to go to Kurt's dorm with him, there should be a boy waiting at the staircase to take you to his room. I'm sure your son will be very happy here."

My dad came out of the principal's office looking wary and cautious. He didn't want to leave me at Dalton but it was too far away for me to come home every night.

"Come on, let's go. There should be someone waiting for us."

Things weren't all okay after my little outburst at the hospital the other day. He refused to speak to me like his son. He wanted me safe here, obviously, but his pride was still hurt by the vicious words I'd spat at him.

My head nodded to his words as I stood slowly, hitching my brown satchel onto my shoulder and grabbing the handle of my small black cuitcase. I'd brought the essentials for my first week but Finn and Puck were bringing the rest of the things I'd packed for my room that weekend.

We left the offices, walking into the grand entrance. Immediately I was blown away, the marble floors and the elegant staircase. It was beautiful.

"Hi! You must the Hummel's, I'm Jeff." My father and I turned in unison to see a bleached blond boy standing before us in a Dalton uniform, holding his hand out eagerly.

"Burt, please." My dad smiled briefly towards Jeff, shaking his hand as he took in the appearance of the new boy. The fancy shoes, the smart tie. Everything about him screamed private schooling, whereas I looked out of place in my second-hand blazer and loosely knotted tie. "Also, yes, this is Kurt. He doesn't speak much."

Jeff grinned as he looked over to me, quickly realising that there wasn't much chance of me shaking his hand. "Oh that's fine, I'm sure you'll feel comfortable enough here soon Kurt." He turned to guide us towards the stairs, "Let's go find your dorm room. You're sharing with one of my friends, he's a little rough at first but I'm sure you'll get along just fine in the end."

I watched as my dad visibly grimaced at the idea of me not getting along with my roommate.

Surely I wouldn't be able to get on the wrong side of them if I didn't say anything?

We started on our way up the stairs, apparently towards the dorm rooms. I tried to take in everything that we passed, attempting to memorise the layout so that I'd never have to ask for directions.

Suddenly we entered a hallway full of numbered doors, I counted the left hand doors as we went down the hall.

3, 5, 7, 9 . . .

Jeff seemed to stop before a door on the right hand side, pausing and knocking gently. 12.

"What?!"

Great start.

"He can be a little grouchy at this time in the morning. Breakfast doesn't start for another ten minutes. I really should have brought a coffee." Jeff apologised to us as he sighed, turning away from the door for a moment. "It's Jeff, I've got your new roommate!"

A muffled, "Oh, crap yeah," was heard from the other side of the door. After another couple of minutes, stumbling sounds were heard before the door swung open lazily.

I was greeted with the sight of a boy with dark brown hair, in the process of being slicked to the side with practically a whole tub of hair gel. Small curls were escaping at the sides and the tub sat lazily in his free hand.

"Kurt Hummel, meet Blaine Anderson. Your new roommate. He's not always so- dysfunctional." Jeff tutted under his breath as he seemed to be disappointed with Blaine's appearance. I quickly noticed that this Blaine wasn't even dressed properly, he was still wearing a tank top with his trousers.

"Morning." Blaine mumbled distractedly, offering a hand to shake though I kindly declined the offer. Not only did I not wish to extend my hand in case my sleeves rolled up but his hand was a little sticky with the gel, I could see it from here.

"Good choice Kurt." Jeff smiled at me approvingly, as if this moment were a test. "Now, Blaine. If you wouldn't mind heading off for breakfast as soon as possible, I can help Kurt get settled."

"Right, yeah. I'll just finish up in the bathroom." Blaine nodded briefly, running inside and leaving the door open before heading into another room to the side.

Jeff rolled his eyes carelessly as he led us into the room, "I'm so sorry about him. He's usually charming, just not a morning person."

My dad followed immediately, examining the room and the sleeping arrangements. "This okay Kurt?"

A quick nod seemed to be an acceptable answer.

"Good, so. You've been excused from all classes today so that you can prepare your things and find your basic bearings about the school. No one's expecting you to find classes easily tomorrow, only make your way from here to the dining hall and to the general classroom area." Jeff smiled, picking up a piece of paper from the bedside table. "This is your timetable. It looks like you have a lot of classes with Blaine and I, we can help if you just ask."

Blaine came stumbling from the bathroom, straightening his tie and shrugging on his blazer.

He looked immaculate. Like Jeff, everything suited him. He fit in perfectly with his uniform.

"Okay, so I've emptied half the wardrobe and those drawers over there are yours. I've cleared half of our sink and cabinet in the bathroom, there's another shelf in the shower for your stuff." Blaine said all of this without looking at me, gesturing blindly around the room whilst he took off his tie in the mirror, sighing before retying it. "See you in French Jeff?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll be a little late but I'll be there."

And with that, he was gone. With a satchel very similar to my own. I'd have to be careful not to get them mixed up by accident.

"I really am sorry about him. He can be a bit cold to new people but he'll be fine once he warms up to you." Jeff honestly looked incredibly fed up with Blaine, though also very fond of him.

"You been friends a while?" My dad asked as he took the suitcase from me, setting it on the clean bed. The other's sheets were scattered all over it.

"Yeah, since he started here last year." His blond hair swayed as he turned quickly, making sure that Blaine had left the bathroom in an acceptable state. "He can be a little messy sometimes. Do you want to come down to breakfast Kurt? You can leave your things here and I'll help you unpack when we're done?"

I hadn't eaten before we left the house that morning and my dad was getting a little worried so although I really didn't fancy it he said yes for me straight away.

"I'm sure Kurt would love that. Wouldn't ya? He missed breakfast before we left the house." I nodded quickly, to make sure that he didn't think I was lying.

"Good. I have to go anyway. I'll see you in a few weeks kiddo. Remember, Finn and Puck are bringing the rest of your stuff at the weekend." My dad smiled, turning to Jeff before he left. "Look after 'im."

"Will do, it was lovely meeting you Burt."

My dad patted me on the shoulder once before throwing a sympathetic smile my way and walking out the door. Just like that, I had been left at Dalton, left standing in my empty dorm room with a boy I'd only just met.

"So, do you wanna head down to the dining hall? Blaine probably won't have left yet. Our French class doesn't start for another forty minutes." I nodded in response and Jeff smiled, holding the door open for me.

"You really aren't very talkative are ya?" The grammar seemed to have dropped completely when an adult wasn't around. "Sorry, it's just- conversation is how I usually communicate."

My head immediately travelled downwards, I was doing it again. I was making him feel awkward.

"Oh God, sorry, that's not what I meant at all. It's fine. I'll talk for the both of us." He was lying, I could tell Jeff still felt weird about this.

Just as this was said, we entered the dining hall. I was in shock once again, this entire school was stunning.

"Welcome to my second dorm room. The food here is to die for!" Jeff chuckled childishly as he beckoned me to follow him, running to the food counter.

I really didn't want to eat but how was I going to explain it if I declined? I'd just have to choose something small and sort the rest out later. On my own. In the bathroom.

"I recommend everything, honestly it doesn't matter what you pick." He grinned, taking two trays and handing one to me before heading off to find his food, leaving me alone to decide.

I tentatively took a fruit cup from a chilled stand and a bottle of water from the fridge. Perfect. I'd never have to speak with the servers because the food was free with tuition fees for boarders and it was only small.

"Is that all you're getting?" I nodded. "Okay, whatever. Come on, I found Blaine and the boys." Jeff reappeared frim no where and led me to a table which already seemed to be overflowing.

"Good morning boys." He grinned, took a seat from a table nearby and dragged it up to join them, gesturing for me to do the same. "This is Kurt. Kurt, this group of insanely handsome and intelligent males are the Warblers. Nick, Thad, Wes, Blaine (whom you have met), Trent, Hunter and Sebastian."

The other boys looked up at me curiously, watching as I awkwardly dragged a chair across.

After a moment of silence, Blaine piped up with, "Weren't you in that other show choir group last year? The Wrong Directions?" At which they all laughed. Great. I'd left one school of bullies for another.


	5. How Do You Feel Today?

I sat silently, what was to be said in response to a statement like that? Even from someone who frequented the art of talking.

"Aww, c'mon Kurtie. We're only joking around, right Jeff?" Blaine nudged the blond boy who'd taken a seat beside him, trying to promote a positive response towards his actions.

Blaine merely received a glare from his friend, "Yeah, joking. Not a great opening line though is it Anderson? This is your roommate." Jeff was the only one of the Warblers who hadn't laughed at my expense. I was grateful for that.

"Don't be a baby, we're kidding. Seriously though, aren't you Shoulder Shimmy?" speaking up once more, Blaine started to sneer slightly as the boys around him began to mumble awkwardly. "That's the gayest dance move I've ever seen."

Immediately my head hung low and I began to absentmindedly scratch at my forearms, also snapping the rubber band I kept around my wrist occasionally under the table. I was trying to blink the tears away. How could I have been so stupid? It wouldn't be any different here. I couldn't escape it; I couldn't escape this. I'd thought that the zero tolerance harassment policy had sounded too good to be true.

 

"Dude? You okay? I flinched dramatically when I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, minutes had passed. The conversation had moved on. I'd been stuck in a panic attack for God knows how long, staring down at my lap and ignoring the tray of food before me as well as the other boys.

"We asked if you could sing." Sebastian smirked from the other end of the table when he noticed that I was lost in the conversation. "You never actually got a solo at your old school, did you? So can you sing? The Warblers are in need of a fresh face."

My eyes widened in panic, I didn't want to join the Warblers. I didn't want to put myself in a position that I may be able to be bullied again, by Blaine if no one else. So I shook my head; so I implied that I could not.

"Shame. Just a prop in the New Directions then?" Sebastian smiled as he shrugged to himself, it was teasing, but it was playful. Unlike the comments that Blaine had made earlier, I didn't feel attacked by Sebastian.

Noticing that Jeff was looking at the time before he spoke, I began to prepare myself to not trip over the chair, "Well, you boys better be getting to class. Do you want some help unpacking Kurt?"

I nodded bashfully as Jeff stood, copying his actions. We took our trays to the nearby bin and just as I was about to deposit the untouched fruit cup into the waste, the principal called from the doorway, "How do you feel today Mr Hummel? Are you not going to eat that? It's not very filling, I'm sure you could manage it." Were they really checking up on me already?

"Oh, you're not finished? It's alright, I can wait with you." Jeff noticed that I hadn't touched my food and sat at an empty table. With a sigh, I sat opposite him and began to eat. I felt pressured and like everyone was watching me, because they were.

I felt awful, but at least it was healthy.

After ten minutes of awkward silence and me eating as slowly as possible, I had finally finished (Jeff had gotten another muffin and demolished it in two minutes during this time). I disposed of the empty plastic cup and left my tray at the station, though kept the water bottle with me. I would need that when my throat was dry and itchy from what I would do later.

Jeff and I walked back through the corridors to dorm twelve and entered the room.

I found the bag that I'd left and opened it up, glad that my underwear wasn't at the top.

"It's alright, I've seen enough pairs of other people's underwear to have grown accustomed to it. I room with _Hunter Clarington_ after all." Jeff chuckled mockingly, he knew exactly what I was thinking and obviously wasn't particularly fond of the boy.

It didn't take long, but we were finally down to the final things in the bag. My books and picture frames, and my wash bag.

"I'll go lay out your toiletries whilst you do these if you want?" Jeff suggested, beginning to pick up my wash bag though I quickly snatched it away from him. I didn't want him going through it, he might be curious about my old retainer box and open it. I'd found new razors in Finn's bathroom and stocked up.

"Okay, I'll do the photos then . . ." Jeff shrugged awkwardly, collecting the books and beginning to stack them on the shelves whilst I left to organise my things in the bathroom.

One bathroom was shared by two dorms, so there were two doors leading into the separate rooms. There were two showers, two blocked off toilet cubicles and two sinks on a long counter in front of a wall to floor mirror. Two shelves in each shower and a cabinet by each sink with four shelves inside.

I noticed that Blaine's cabinet and counter space was overflowing with different types of hair gels, full and empty containers.

I had the two top shelves in the cabinet, which was fine, I was taller. I filled the shelves with the things I didn't use so often and the counter with the things I reached for daily, moisturisers, hairsprays.

My little box was hidden at the back of the top shelf.

I arranged my soaps and shower gels on the top shelf in the shower, cringing as I found that I'd brought my least favourite shampoo by mistake, my usual must have been in the bag for Finn and Puck to bring at the weekend.

Once I was finished, I returned to the dorm to find Jeff cooing at some of the pictures I'd chosen to bring with me for now. This included a few pictures of me as a child with my parents.

He was focused on one that showed my father and I in the backyard enjoying a tea party I'd set up. Well, I was enjoying it, my dad was quite obviously bored though soldiering on because it made me happy. That was my first ever bow tie.

I cleared my throat inconspicuously, a little confused as to why he was cooing at an old picture of me and my father. I wasn't exactly cute then and I definitely wasn't now.

"Oh, Kurt! I was just- you were such a cute kid!" Jeff grinned, ushering me over to look more closely at the picture.

I wasn't cute, I was annoying. My dad looked so fed up.

"C'mon, you have to see that! I've just got pictures of me playing football and kicking other kids in the head when they fell over on the pitch." The blond laughed jokingly as he pushed my shoulder playfully.

A gentle knock sounded at the door and we looked up in unison to see Sebastian, the boy from earlier, standing in the doorway.

"Morning boys, I'm so sorry to intrude but I've had a rather interesting revelation in my free period that I feel needs to be brought to your attention." Sebastian spoke with clarity and precision. The other boys practically lost their charm when there wasn't any adults about yet Sebastian's seemed to remain intact.

"What is it Bas?" Jeff furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, he knew Sebastian didn't really have a free period, he had French with the other Warblers. Though, Sebastian had lived in France for most of his life so maybe he had been let off from a few lessons, what did he know?

"Well, something about you Kurt, it didn't sit right with me. So I took to the internet, and found something rather special."

I couldn't help but gulp, I had absolutely no idea what it could be yet I was terrified that I was about to be humiliated. I mean- Single Ladies.

"It's nothing bad, in fact it's something wonderful. You lied to us Hummel, said you couldn't sing. Yet, I've just found a medley of Céline Dione, in French, done by one Kurt Hummel for a cheerleading routine." Sebastian clapped his hands together with glee and took a laptop out of his shoulder bag. "Must we watch it now, or only once for your Warblers audition?"

Jeff looked shocked, he obviously couldn't picture me on stage, especially not singing and cheerleading.

I merely kept my head down, refusing to look up and meet either boy in the eye.

"I also found a rather embarrassing Single Ladies music video, I could show them that instead?"

This snapped my head upright. I shook it furiously, I'd be humiliated.

"Thought not. Would you like to sing for your Warblers audition, or would you like me to show them the medley?" Sebastian, even though he was pushing me to do something, still seemed so nice about it. His voice was gentle, although I didn't have a choice, it felt like it.

When I didn't gesture to the laptop he took it as a sign that I wanted to sing, not quite but I wasn't getting out of this.

"Good good, we'll see you in practise tomorrow? I'm sure Jeff will help you prepare, or I could?" I couldn't help but stare for a moment when he stepped closer to me and let his fingers brush so gently over the bare skin on the back of my hand "I'll drop by after classes." Sebastian winked before walking away and leaving the room. He was beautiful, that was very true.

"Well, Sebastian flirts with everyone, this is true, but I wasn't expecting that you could sing! You have to become a Warbler!" Jeff cried excitedly, immediately running to the folder I'd snatched from him that read 'Repertoire'.

"Musicals, musicals, and more musicals. Kurt, this is great but us Warblers are tragically top 40 and we don't like show offs, we sing acapella." He seemed strangely disappointed as he passed the Streisand and the Idina Menzel.

"I'll help later Jeff, leave it. This sounds like quite a tricky case." Sebastian ducked his head into the room from the bathroom. Apparently his dorm was next door.

"Whatever. Anyway! Your pictures! You were such a cute kid Kurt!" Jeff exclaimed once more as he set the picture he'd discarded to the bed on the bedside table, in pride of place. Though I quickly moved it. The picture ended up on one of my bookshelves and was replaced by a picture of my mother and I in her hospital bed.

"Why change it? That one was cuter, and surely a hospital picture is only sad?" Jeff didn't know, so I couldn't blame him, yet it didn't stop the tears from springing to my eyes.

I sat on the bed half-heartedly as Jeff looked on, confused by how I'd reacted to his comment. I gestured to the calendar he'd hung up for me, it was only small, yet I'd already written every important day on it. I watched as his eyes scanned down the calendar, finally stopping at the line that read, 'R.I.P. Katherine Elizabeth Hummel.'

"Oh Kurt, I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

I quickly shook my head and stood up again, standing by the door. I hoped he'd understand that I wanted to be alone.

"It's okay Kurt, I'll leave you for a bit. I'll come and get you for lunch, yeah?" I nodded silently as I closed the door behind Jeff. I just needed some space.

After about forty minutes of moping and feeling sorry for myself, I heard my phone buzzing from the bedside table. I glanced upwards from my position on the floor in the corner, where I had been curled in a ball crying. Eventually, I pulled myself up enough to lean over and take it, looking to see who the message was from.

Withheld I.D.

Wonder who that could be. A statement, not a question.

{ Haven't seen you at school today fag. We can still get you. }

Karofsky, most likely, though he had practically all of the jocks against me so it could have been any of them.

I whimpered as I saw the text, throwing my phone onto the bed in disgust before retreating into my former foetal position.

Another hour or so brought lunch, when I was supposed to meet Jeff so as I heard the bell ringing I rushed to collect myself before people came and saw Kurt Hummel melted in a pile on the floor.

I rushed to the bathroom, dabbing at my eyes as I'd read somewhere that wiping them made them redder. As I was half way through dabbing concealer under my eyes I heard Jeff knocking at the bathroom door.

"Hey Kurt? Blaine let me in, he's here too. We can wait for you?" I finished quickly and left the bathroom, looking down to see Blaine lounged on his bed and Jeff perched on the end.

"Hey Hummel." Blaine mumbled as the boys looked up to see me, Jeff smiling whilst Blaine continued to seem bored.

My hand gestured towards the door naturally as I was glad to see Jeff making an effort to stand.

"Sure, c'mon Blaine, we're going to lunch." Jeff turned to the boy who remained on the bed, eventually groaning and pulling himself up.

Sharing with Blaine was certainly going to be interesting.


	6. Shake It Out

Lunch was uneventful, surprisingly.

Considering how awkwardly it could have gone I was quite amazed to find that the snide remarks had stopped for a moment; I was able to eat in peace. Well, push a salad around in front of me.  
  
  


I followed the boys to their next class, which just so happened to not be an actual class.

The Warblers had the entire afternoon dedicated to their glee club. Jeff said that I could sit and watch if I wanted, so long as I didn't disturb them. I think that the last part might have been a joke now that I look back on it.  
  
  


Sebastian entered the choir room with a bored expression, though his face practically lit up into a wide smirk when he saw me perched on the edge of one of the sofas.

"Hello Kurt, are you feeling okay after breakfast?" Admittedly Sebastian had seemed nice at first but from all the confused glances of the other boys and the tone he used when speaking to me I was starting to believe that maybe this wasn't how he acted around other people.

So as not to be rude I gave a curt nod, smiling ever so slightly as I glanced past him, watching as Blaine entered the room. He'd been stopped by his maths teacher on the way through the hallways and told us he'd meet us in a while.

Blaine seemed to exude confidence, nothing fazed him as he walked towards the centre of the room and allowed the members of the Warbler council to call the meeting to attention.  
  
  


"Order!" I tore my gaze from Blaine to a boy with a gavel, Wes, I believed.

The Warblers allowed silence to fall over the room until silence leaked into every corner.

"Thank you. Now, I call to your attention the issue of our set list. Blaine, you may begin." Every head in the room turned to the laid-back boy who didn't seem to care that everyone was looking at him.

It was terrifying, I already knew that the Warblers were incredibly polished but I didn't expect that to stretch even to the meetings. No one spoke out of turn and no idea put across was treated with disdain. It seemed too good to be true.

"Now, Warblers. I propose a slightly different set list. Acapella of course, though perhaps something a little more fast paced than usual."  
  
  


"I agree." This caused a ripple of shock to run through the room. Someone had spoken out of turn and once again every head turned to me, causing me to squirm and fold my arms across my chest.

The speaker though only let out an arrogant burst of laughter as he stepped forward from behind me. Sebastian, of course.

"The Warblers are terribly slow. If we wish to keep up with the ever growing pool of contestants then we're going to have to review our repertoire. We're falling behind the New Directions of all people because we refuse to change."  
  
  


As I watched Blaine, I could feel the rivalry between the boys. It was obvious that these two didn't get along and I could see why. I knew from previous competitions quite how talented they both were and in fact, I was surprised that Sebastian didn't get more solos. The Warblers had two Finn Hudsons, but who was their Rachel Berry?

"I'm sorry Sebastian but the Warblers are traditional. I may be asking to consider more up tempo songs but I'm not saying we have to change our entire repertoire. Also, I'm the Head Warbler and you are not." Blaine paused for a moment as if to allow that fact to sink in and to allow his peers to nod amongst themselves. "Know your place Warbler."  
  
  


Did I call these people polished? Let me amend that.

The Warblers were a group of young, privileged, childish little boys caught in a dictatorship that they didn't seem to understand.

In that moment I wanted nothing more than to run home to my New Directions and to embrace their flaws with open arms. No wonder the Warblers were always so perfectly in sync, they'd had their originality beaten from them. They were bullied into doing what Blaine and his Warbler council wanted.  
  
  


I had to leave, I had to get out of there. I needed to breathe because I soon realised my breaths were coming short and sharp as I realised the sort of people I was to spend the rest of my high school life with.

Before Blaine could speak again and before Sebastian could catch my shoulder I bolted from the room. Sprinting to the door and down the Dalton hallway, wanting nothing more than to cry to Mercedes. I could face Karofsky if only I could be home.  
  
  


Managing to get lost on my way to the dorm rooms, I sank into a sitting position beside the grand staircase, hiding in the small space behind the bottom step.

Footsteps followed shortly afterward as I attempted to slow my breathing, hyperventilating as I realised that my chest was tight and my vision was blurry.

"Kurt?" It wasn't Jeff, nor Sebastian. I believed it to be Blaine though that was probably a trick of my oxygen deprived state. Why would the Head Warbler leave practise to follow a random boy, roommate or not?

Strong hands reached for me as the notice board was pushed aside, causing me to squint from the sudden brightness of my surroundings.

"C'mon Kurt, you're okay." Once I was standing I could feel the arms wrap around my frail figure and hear a short curse leave the lips of the person holding me. I hadn't even realised I was crying until the tears were wiped away with the soft pad of a thumb, seeming to pray for me to look up towards my saviour as my gaze was directed steadily downwards at the time. It really did look like Blaine.

"You're going to be okay Hummel, _it's always darkest before the dawn._ " The final few words were sung softly and I realised that I recognised the song. Of course, Florence and the Machine. Santana loved that song.

Just thinking of my old friends seemed to work and calm me down greatly and I was truly thankful for whoever it was holding me. Until further voices were heard and I was shoved roughly down onto the bottom step with the boy standing over me and thrusting a tissue into my palm roughly.

This time it really was Jeff and Sebastian.

"Kurt! You found him, is he okay?" Jeff came running to sit by my side, automatically wrapping an arm around my shoulder and causing me to flinch slightly though he spoke nothing of it.

"Yeah, he's fine. He's just overreacting, it's only a panic attack." There was the original voice again, though no longer soothing. Now he sounded gruff and bored, as if I was an inconvenience. Which I was, that was true.


	7. Even My Dad Does Sometimes

It was all too much, my cosy little Glee club life had been so glass half full that by the time I'd realised anything was different it was all spilling onto the stiff piano keys. Now I was trapped in a school led by Blaine and his cronies and it was practically the same situation as McKinley's jocks, only without Finn.

 

My first week at Dalton had been tragically mundane, minus the dictatorship of the Warblers and the difference of a private boarding school.

"It's okay to cry Kurt, even my dad did sometimes and he was in the army. Tears remind you that you're alive Kurtie." Finn had dropped by with my things, just as he'd said. Currently, Puck was busy exploring the dining hall to find out how to bring us coffee. I would have helped but I still had no idea.

Tears dripped silently down my rosy cheeks as I recounted the events of the first day, Finn by my side the entire time.

"I know." I squeaked awkwardly, my voice was hoarse from not speaking for an entire week. My only vocalisation had been my Warbler audition and the practise with Sebastian. Blaine and his fellow Warblers had gone to the Lima Bean to decide my fate and give me some space with my friend and brother. There hadn't been much of a problem with Finn though the boys of my new private school obviously hadn't thought much of Puck when he greeted me by yelling across the dining hall and ruffling my perfectly styled quiff when he reached our table.

Sebastian had made an executive decision that my audition song should be I Have Nothing which was of course a perfect decision. Sebastian chose it and everything Sebastian did appeared to be perfect. Like Blaine.

"I'm sure you'll be fine Kurt." Finn smiled, squeezing my shoulder gently and looking up to see someone struggling with the door handle. "That's Puck, I'll just help him.

It wasn't Puck.

 

"Oh, uhm. Can I help you?"

Blaine was stood on the other side of the door, loaded down by eight heavy textbooks and a laptop bag hanging precariously from his left shoulder.

"I'm the roommate. Could you take these? Thanks." Without waiting for an answer, Blaine had passed every book to Finn and swung the bag onto the top of the pile before walking into the room.

Finn threw a glance across to me, wondering what exactly he was supposed to do with them. "Excuse me? I'm not the porter, could I have a hand?"

"Just set them down on the bed, thanks." Blaine ran a hand over his thickly gelled locks before turning to me. "We're ready for you Hummel. The Warblers like tradition, it's now or you audition again next year. Your friends can come if you want." I began to nod frantically as Blaine turned to walk out, "Ten minutes maximum Lady Face."

We both took a moment to stare at the closed door, Finn fuming and I refusing to stand up for or attack Blaine.

"I'm really not taken by him." Finn practically growled as he rolled his shoulders backwards to stretch them out. "Oh well, I guess we better find Puck and go see if you got into Dalton's Hitler Youth."

 

"Warblers, I think it's time to welcome our newest Warbler, Kurt Hummel." The double doors were pulled open for me to make my entrance, though since it's me, I managed to trip and stumble, falling into Sebastian who was stood smirking at the sidelines. "Careful Porcelain, don't shatter."

For some reason that really shook me as I pulled myself upwards and connected my eyes to the floor as the collective sounds of laughing Warblers filled the room.

Sebastian didn't quite know the metaphorical depths of his word choice because it was too late for shattering. More like, don't let the glue flake away.

 

——————————————————————————————————

 

"So, Porcelain, can I call you Porcelain?" Sebastian smirked from across the table as we sat with the Warblers at the Lima Bean the next day. I was allowed to join them now that I had become a part of their group.

Flashbacks to Sue and McKinley came to mind although I quickly brushed them away and let a lazy shrug roll from my shoulders.

"Okay, so Porcelain, I was thinking that we should probably get you a new blazer, I mean, you're what, seventeen? Surely your shoulders won't significantly broaden overnight. I'll pay of course, sorry but there has to be a reason to choose one you can grow into rather than one that fits, and I'll come with you to make sure. Sound good?" He smiled with a certain air, a grace, one of which had obviously rarely been told no. I was getting the feeling that Blaine was really the only person who stood up to Sebastian though I didn't quite get why all of his ideas were shot down so quickly . . . Sometimes he was right.

I could do nothing but shrug, Sebastian had a way of making me feel included though it was also obvious that he didn't have much experience in the realm of sensitivity. He didn't quite know how to handle people that weren't in the same financial rank as he without coming off as slightly offensive but I couldn't blame him, Dalton wasn't for the ordinary.

"Leave the poor boy alone Sebastian. Have you thought that maybe the only reason he entertains you is purely because he can't say no?" Blaine cut rudely from beside me, obviously having heard our conversation and sensed how uncomfortable it made me. "Are you sure you didn't want anything Kurt? Aren't you hungry?" He leaned closer to me to whisper into my ear, not allowing the other boys to hear that he was questioning my appetite. That boy confused me to no end, he was cold and seemed happy to run the little dictatorship but he was almost kind to me when we were alone.

 

For example, the night before had been rather difficult and let's just say that I spent quite a long time in the bathroom with the doors on both sides locked, my sleeves rolled up. Blaine had obviously been worried as he'd eventually come knocking on the door to make sure that I was okay. I'd thought he'd just needed the bathroom so I cleaned myself up quickly and came out, wiping my eyes discreetly as I passed him but Blaine didn't go in after me. He watched as I sat on my bed with my knees pulled up to my chest and carefully made his way over to sit beside me, resting a delicate hand on my arm and wiping a stray tear track away with the other. I'd immediately pulled away and, as if remembering himself, Blaine had jumped backwards, storming from the room and slamming the door shut behind him.

He must have returned once I'd fallen asleep as I couldn't remember actually getting ready for bed yet I woke with my blazer and tie removed and my first button undone. My shoes were resting on the floor beside the bed and I had a blanket draped painstakingly over me.

 

"Porcelain?" Sebastian's voice woke me from my daydream as I snapped back into reality and saw the rest of the table staring at me, they were all stood and ready to leave. I'd done it again, gotten lost to a point in which time felt limitless.

Maybe I just needed to start waking up.


	8. Oh My Love

"So, Lady Face. Seeing anyone? There's gotta be someone you like at least."  Blaine fell in step beside me as the Warblers walked back to Dalton Academy from the Lima Bean, it wasn't that far. "Wait, what about the boy from the other day? The one with the Mohawk, was he your boyfriend? I know that the other was your stepbrother, unless you're into that?"

My eyes widened considerably as Blaine started immediately listing the two boys he'd seen me with rather than asking if I had a girlfriend. He seemed to catch on to my panic pretty quickly, leaning in to whisper to me.

"It's pretty obvious Lady, Sebastian picked up on it straight away." I frowned as he said this, a little confused as to what Sebastian had to do with any of it. "You thought he was your friend, didn't you? Sebastian only wants one thing Porcelain." Blaine smirked gently, imitating Sebastian's nickname for me, the one he thought was so original. With this, Jeff butted in to our conversation.

"Leave him alone Blaine, that's still only speculation, not evidence." The blond tutted softly as he shook his head. A devious smirk suddenly painted itself across his features, having found the perfect response.

"What about you Blaine? You found a boy?" Jeff snorted softly as he watched Blaine struggle for an answer.

With an exasperated sigh, Blaine eventually settled on a simple, "I'm straight Jeff."

Jeff chuckled gently, shooting me a smirk as he made his friend just as uncomfortable as he'd made me. "So you say, repeatedly. I am yet to see you with a female yet, in fact I have actually seen you with a male, seemingly pretty close." A hand reached out to me, making a fist. I almost flinched away though just in time realised that Jeff was only asking for a fist bump. Reluctantly, I lifted my hand into a fist and tapped my knuckles cautiously against Jeff's. "Kurt, that was pathetic." The blond laughed as I blushed awkwardly, though smiled with him.

"Jeff, he came up to me." A hand ran over the perfectly gelled hair to find any loose curls that I'd noticed on my first day. Blaine was obviously used to the teasing as even though it looked pained, he was in fact smiling.

"Yeah, sure, okay. C'mon Hummel, you don't need to associate yourself with him outside of your dorm. I wouldn't." Jeff took my wrist, attempting to pull me away though this only resulted in a loud, pathetic yelp from me as I snatched my arm back to my chest.

I froze as the two boys stared, confused whilst those around turned to look at me. I was unable to do anything as realisation appeared to dawn on both of their faces, eventually turning to horror. Sebastian shouldered passed a few Warblers until he was next to me, having only been a few paces behind.

"Kurt, come with me." He whispered cautiously, looking around at Blaine and Jeff though I wasn't listening. I was too busy running, too busy pelting down the street and away from my fellow Warblers.

My breathing was jagged and rocky, so much so that the fact that I wasn't too certain on the way back to Dalton from here simply slipped from my mind. Footsteps could be heard behind me but this time, I refused to be found. I turned a corner, darting behind a bin before they could follow me.

I held my breath, flattening myself against the metal surface until I heard them run passed. From what I had managed to see, it was Sebastian and Blaine racing to find me. Literally, they were practically shoving each other out of the way.

Once I was certain that they were gone, I finally breathed out and realised quite how bad this particular panic attack was, dropping to the ground. I felt like I was alone and every time I cried, as I was currently doing, I felt as though I lost more of myself. I was losing more and more of the Kurt Hummel that everyone at home had claimed to want back.

I squeezed my eyes shut as I watched my chest tear open, my heart rolling and hitting the ground with a thud. It remained throbbing on the ground, slowly dying out as my sobs merely increased in volume.

I saw my mother and I saw my father, Carol and Finn. They stood over me, taunting me. Pointing at my heart where it lay at my feet. As they pointed, they began laughing and the heart changed from tissue to glass, ruby red and shining.

I was drowning, my lungs filling with exhaustion and exasperation.

Everything finally got too much as I started screaming, sobbing as my throat stung, coated with acid. My heart shattered into millions of fragments and hands flew to my ears, trying to block the sound of the laughter, the taunting.

I needed to bleed.

 

Then a voice, so perfect, so angelic, "Kurt?" I could only think of one person who'd ever sounded that way to me.

"Mum?" Hands reached down to grab me, lifting me upwards towards the person.

"No, Kurt." Apparently I was still stuck in the fantasy, so I woke to the strangers voice again, which definitely did not sound like my mother. "It's me, it's Blaine." He wrapped his arms around me and led me carefully to a car he had parked by the side of the road, I'd obviously been there longer than I'd thought if they'd had time to go back to the school and get a car.

I was still shuddering as Blaine eased me into the passenger seat, his touch was lingering, cautious, obviously still incredibly worried for me. "We were so- I was so worried Kurt." He murmured, I wasn't sure if he expected me to hear him or not so I didn't respond at all. Blaine left me to fasten my seatbelt as he made his way around the car to clamber into the driver's seat, holding my hand over the console as he began driving without saying a word.

All of sudden, he spoke up, "Kurt? Please just know that you're perfect? Okay? You can take the stars and show them how to glow because you shine brighter than any of those idiots up there, okay?"

 

* * *

 

 

We arrived at Dalton, only for Blaine to drop me off in the dormitory and leave immediately. It seemed he didn't have much practise with depression cases.

I made my way to the bathroom.

Fumbling with the locks on either sides, I managed to secure the doors so that no one could enter. I didn't want anyone walking in on me.

_\--- Please stop reading now if this will upset you (Trigger warning) ---_

I found my little box from the small cupboard behind the sink, popping the lid and clutching the small piece of metal desperately yet clumsily. I almost dropped it down the sink as I rinsed it quickly, just to make sure it was clean.

Refusing to think about it any further, I pressed the small blade to my skin, pushing down and dragging along.

I expected to feel relief, happiness. All I felt was sick, sick with myself and everything that I was doing to the people who knew me. Frowning, I did it again and again, going deeper with each red line that blossomed to the surface. Eventually, after seven rows of flowers, I began to feel less awful, though I still felt sick.

Quickly, I darted to the toilet, attempting to vomit though merely retching as there was nothing left in my stomach to leave my body. I hadn't touched food without throwing it back up for three days.

There I remained, expression broken and flesh torn open as the small trails of blood trickled down my arm. I knew that they needed to be cleaned up but I hardly had the strength to hold myself over the toilet. Eventually, I lifted my body up and over to the sink.

_\--- End of trigger ---_


	9. Don't You Go

_Third person POV_

"Hummel." The boy with the gelled hair sat opposite two of his best friends, hands clasped tightly in front of him on the table as worry lines began to form in his forehead.

"Blaine?" David frowned as he looked up to see Jeff pulling a chair over to their table and joining them.

Taking a deep breath before answering, Jeff struggled to get the words out of his mouth, "Kurt needs our help." He seemed to be jumpy, glancing around cautiously as if to make sure that Kurt couldn't hear them talking about him.

Reaching across the table to take hold of his boyfriend's hand, Nick smiled reassuringly. He clutched it tightly as he stroked his thumb over the back of Jeff's hand, careful not to spook the worried boy. "What is it, Jeff?"

Jeff looked to Blaine to answer, not trusting himself not to cry about it; they'd spoken earlier about their concerns and what they would say in this very meeting but it seemed to have all gone over Jeff's head. "We, Jeff and I, believe that there is a possibility that Hummel may be harming himself.

\-------------------------------

_Kurt's POV_

I lay against the headboard of my bed, going through the list of sheet music Blaine had handed out to all of the Warblers. We were to learn all of them over the weekend, all ten songs so that the Council and Blaine could choose the ones that were most likely to win the competitions. According to Jeff, it was likely that they would change the list anyway but it was good practise to learn them all so no one particularly minded it. Was it that they didn't mind it or they couldn't say no?

Blaine was in the bathroom, taking a shower; I could hear him singing and once again I was reminded of why exactly he was the head Warbler and we swayed in the background.

Without warning, Katy Perry's 'Firework' was suddenly blaring from the other side of the room. I was startled though padded over cautiously to find that it was, in fact, Blaine's phone. Managing to catch a glance at the caller ID and picture set, I noticed that it stopped ringing pretty quickly, being replaced almost immediately by a text message from the caller, Eli.

The text was somewhat harmless, who was I to judge:

{ What's up, sexy? You want to come over? }

What shocked me was the picture that came with the name. The photo mainly consisted of Blaine, who was having his cheek kissed by someone, their face almost fully cut off the screen.

It was quite obviously an attempt to hide who the stranger was but upon further inspection, I found that the person was . . . a boy?

Blaine, possibly the straightest guy in the world, appeared to have a boyfriend?

I dropped the phone automatically when I heard the water cut off and the singing slowly die out. My shoulders tensed and immediately I dived to the closest position that seemed safe for me to be in, just in case he was going to come out straight away. That happened to be my desk, so I grabbed my phone from the side and winced as I turned it on, not ready to see any messages that had come through since Finn had told me I had to switch it off the other day when a text came in and I started panicking automatically, which was ridiculous because it turned out to just be Mercedes. Thankfully, Finn just thought that I was paranoid about the bullies getting my number, he didn't know that they already had.

"What's up, Lady Face?" Blaine smirked as he walked passed me, finding his way to his bed where his pyjama shirt rested, he'd obviously only thought to take his trousers into the bathroom with him. God, I would give anything to be able to do that again.

"Right, I forgot. You only talk to Sebastian." He suddenly began grumbling as I merely dipped my head, appearing to be transfixed by my phone. I didn't talk to Sebastian, not at all. He was being ridiculous. As soon as it turned on properly again, a tsunami of texts came in, those that had been collecting in the time that it had been switched off. "Someone's popular."

Blaine chuckled as he glanced over at me, though frowned when he saw my face drop. "What is it, Lady?" He stepped closer, trying to take my phone off me though I refused to allow it. "For goodness sake, Kurt! You have to let me help you! I get it, you hate me but you could at least try to act civil!"

Wincing, I turned away from Blaine as he stepped back again, clenching his fists to show just how infuriating I was. He sighed outwardly before sitting on his bed and playing on the phone he'd just swiped from his dresser. I watched to see his reaction from the corner of my eye but Blaine showed no signs of having seen the text, not smiling or even reacting.

I felt awful, Blaine was right. I needed to allow him to help him. I was a train wreck and if he was willing to take the ride then I really shouldn't be complaining.

A knock sounded at the door, breaking the obvious tension between us as Blaine jumped up from his sitting position instinctively. The door swung open as Blaine released the latch before returning to his bed.

"Blaine? Oh, it was you." David stepped into the room, smiling courteously as he saw me, "Kurt." His greeting was particularly brief but I didn't mind, it was far more pleasant than I was used to and anyway, he was Blaine's friend, not mine.

"What did you want, David?" Blaine was quite obviously comfortable with David as his tone sounded closed off and bored, though David merely smiled and chucked a pillow he found on the chair near the door in his direction.

David chuckled as Blaine threw it back, laughing gently as it hit the darker skinned boy in the face. "Nick and Jeff want a movie night and I don't want to third wheel. What do you say, you two?"

"Us two? Lady Face as well?" Blaine seemed slightly irritated that I'd be coming as well, sighing softly.

"Of course, Jeff wants him there. Come on, Blaine." David started trying to drag Blaine from the room but apparently Mr Anderson was a rock as he hardly budged.

Blaine was laughing as he yanked on the arm pulling him, making David tumble down next to him as both boys erupted into giggles- sorry, 'manly' giggles. "Alright, change into your pyjamas and meet us down in the common room Lady."

I nodded curtly as I watched them leave the room, pushing each other on the way. Changing quickly so that they didn't wonder what was taking so long and to come and find me, I found an old, grey shirt of Finn's that had been mixed up with my things though decided to wear it anyway as it was extremely comfortable and the sleeves practically covered my hands. It was also extraordinarily baggy so that my small figure wouldn't be too obvious. I paired it with some grey pyjama bottoms and checked my hair in the mirror by the door before heading down to the common room with a cushion and a blanket from my bed spread clutched to my chest.

Knocking on the door to the common room before entering, I walked in to find Nick and Jeff flirting whilst David and Blaine complained about them being too couple-y.

"Kurt! Into the Woods or San Andreas?" Jeff shouted as soon as he saw me, grinning and reaching out to touch my arm as he attempted to push Nick off the sofa for me with the other.

Nick looked highly offended as he struggled to latch himself onto his boyfriend, "Uh, no. Kurt, if you wouldn't mind, could you sit on the floor with Blainey days? I feel like even if you take David's place Jeff will still cuddle with you."

Jeff pouted as I nodded, moving around the sofa to sit on the mattress they'd somehow managed to carry down the flight of stairs and positioned in front of the sofa. Blaine was already laid out on it with Nick, Jeff and David on the sofa behind him. I sat as far from Blaine as possible without it being obvious and snuggled into my blanket as I noticed that the other boys had their own variations, mainly duvets. I picked up the box for Into the Woods and smiled sheepishly as Jeff and Blaine cheered, causing Nick and David to grumble awkwardly, preparing themselves for what they called, 'another flaming musical'.

"We're gonna marathon Arrow next week." David muttered quietly as he picked up his phone to check the text that had just come through. "Wes is coming down. Unfortunately it was Sebastian who picked up his phone so Smythe and Clarington may appear at some point." This caused another wave of groaning, though from every boy in the room this time.

As if on cue, in walked Wes . . . Followed by 'Smythe and Clarington'.


	10. November

"Well hello boys, did you forget to send the invitation?" A crude smile stretched across Sebastian's features as he walked around the couch, trailing his long fingers along David's shoulders just to watch him squirm. I couldn't help but watch, at first I hadn't quite understood why the other boys didn't like him, why they hated him even, but after this performance the truth was no longer veiled. I was seeing how Sebastian really was and I had a feeling that it was only because he hadn't glanced in my direction yet. I was on his side, then I saw him change. Positioning himself on the mattress, Sebastian motioned to Hunter to join him as the menu for the DVD, 'Into the Woods', came on the screen. "Oh a musical! How fitting." His smile evaporated as a smirk took it's place, noticing how Blaine shuffled uncomfortably with Sebastian so close beside him. Since he was in the middle, Blaine was able to move over slightly, coming closer to me and distancing himself from the boy.

Wes rolled his eyes and sat beside David, knowing full well that it was unlikely that anything could be done about the gate-crashers. Hunter was a possibility but Sebastian was quite obviously a little more stubborn. "Is this necessary?"

"Completely, now if you're going to fight me about this stop being such a pathetic little Asian boy and do it properly." It struck just how alike Sebastian and Santana were, how similar they seemed. Even though the words and tone were the same, there was something about the way Santana said things that cushioned them only slightly. Although what she said was still cruel and harsh, there was usually something to soften the blow, even if it was only an insult to another person to go with it and direct the attention away from you in particular. Sebastian had no filter.

Silence fell over the common room as Hunter made himself comfortable and not a soul moved to start the movie.

"Hey, Kurt, help me with popcorn?" Jeff piped up suddenly, not waiting to jump up and take my hand to lead me from the room. Every head turned to see Sebastian's shocked face, he obviously hadn't been expecting to see me with the top members of the Warbler food chain.

I trotted after Jeff quickly, ambling along to keep pace with the boy, my long legs doing most of the work. We left the room and passed door after door, finally coming to one that I recognised as the student kitchen. Lockers lined the walls, I'd been told a day or two before that if I wanted to go out and buy food for the weekend or whenever to store it in the locker with my name on it. Items for the fridge or freezer were to be kept in the large, industrial sized, communal fridge-freezer with a clear label. Things like bread, milk, and sugar were provided by the school but if you wanted something specific then you'd have to provide it.

Jeff immediately set to unlocking his section and taking out three large bags of microwaveable popcorn. Salty, sweet and toffee coated.

As the popcorn was cooking, Jeff turned to stare at me. I was immediately uncomfortable but after two minutes had passed I began clearing my throat in the hopes that he'd turn his gaze elsewhere. My coughing concluded, to no avail, and Jeff continued to watch me, his eyes flowing over every detail. After furrowing his eyebrows and licking his bottom lip only to wet it before conversation, Jeff began. "It's only September, why are you wearing long sleeves for your pyjamas? It's not like the rooms are at all cold and Blaine is practically a walking heater, just go cuddle with him."

Apparently the alarm was evident on my face as Jeff began stumbling over his words to apologise, telling me not to worry about it and to forget he'd ever said anything. In fact, the remainder of the time was spent in silence, with Jeff passing me finished packets of popcorn to pour into the bowls he'd provided, making idle small talk occasionally though everything seemed to trail off, as it tends to do when one partakes in conversation with another whom will not reply.

We returned to the common room with our three, large bowls of popcorn to find a fully fledged argument brewing. It seemed that as soon as I'd left, Blaine had moved as far over on the mattress as possible without falling off and was currently raising his voice to whatever Sebastian had said to offend him.

Wes had found his gavel somewhere and was currently hitting it on the table, which meant he had to be angry as Wes was strict about gavelling on a proper surface, the little podium and not a bare table as it would damage not only the table, but even worse, the gavel. "Everybody be quiet! This is ridiculous! I am gavelling on mahogany now would you all stop it?!"

As was often the case in the Warbler choir room, voices shut off and heads turned to the leader of their council. "If you would like to stay, Smythe, you must remain quiet throughout the film and not offend anyone until we have all made it to the breakfast hall tomorrow morning. Is that understood? If you wish to leave then you can take your little pet, Clarington, with you." A subdued Sebastian nodded his head though remained in his position, smirking as he'd got what he essentially wanted.

Blaine, who was currently stood above the mattress let out a frustrated growl before turning to sit back down. Seeing us just beforehand, a grin danced across his cheeks. "I see popcorn! Pass me the salty!"

Chucking, Jeff brought his bowl of salty popcorn over, "Gladly, you're the only one that likes it, Anderson," he handed it to Blaine who accepted eagerly and sat down again, beginning to eat already. I passed the two bowls I was holding to David and Nick respectfully as they were the only ones still seated. I watched as Wes calmly placed the gavel down and perched himself next to David, ready to leap up if there was trouble and Jeff hopped next to Nick, immediately cuddling into his arms and knocking a few pieces of popcorn onto the upholstery by accident.

Edging around the sofa, I noticed that the only position left on the mattress was between Blaine and Sebastian, where my pillow and blanket had been neatly folded and placed. Seeing as I didn't really have another option, I clambered over the mattress until I'd made myself comfortable in the designated spot, pulling the blanket up over my knees and around my shoulders and resting the pillow on my lap. I'd only brought it in case they decided to watch something scary but 'Into the Woods' didn't sound particularly horrifying.

* * *

 

Everything was calm. Everything was peaceful, but about twenty minutes in, things started to get a little awkward.

Sebastian had shuffled himself over until he was sitting only inches away from me, causing Blaine to glance over every now and again, looking almost worried. He smirked softly as a funny part came up, raising his hand to his mouth to laugh before resting it down again, only this time it rested on my knee. At this point, Blaine had also begun to move closer, if only to hear what Sebastian said when he turned to whisper something, his face centimetres from my neck.

"Why don't you relax a little Porcelain?" His teeth were bared slightly in a little smile as his breath ghosted on my neck, causing me to shiver and remember the times that Karofsky had cornered me when we were alone. "It's only a movie." I wasn't tense from the film, I mean come on, it wasn't scary. I was tense because although now that I'd seen what he was really like, I hated to admit that the boy was excessively attractive and his lips were theoretical moments away from my skin.


	11. The Quiet

Blaine began shuffling uncomfortably as Sebastian sat upright and began to pull me closer, causing me to freeze and become rigid. I was all too familiar with this. Sebastian reached behind me to lazily wrap his arm around my waist, tears beginning to prick at my eyes. He was a better sight than Dave but his meaty hands on my skin was all that came to mind as Sebastian rubbed soothing circles into the skin on my back, having lifted the shirt only slightly to reach.

We spent a good proportion of the movie like that, though at no point did I 'relax' as Sebastian so often put it. Towards the end, Blaine was starting to look quite annoyed as Sebastian attempted to pull me into his chest, wrapping his other arm around me as well. I struggled adamantly to pull away though Sebastian was having none of it, beginning to comb his long fingers through my hair. At this point I froze again, unsure how to react as I kept imagining the large, rough fingers on my face rather than the long, slender ones that actually belonged to the person fiddling with my hair.

"Come on, Kurt. I'm not going to hurt you." Those words were the ones that threw me over the edge, over the side of the boat and into the freezing, icy waters. Trauma flashing on the backs of my eyelids as I squeezed them tightly shut to try and avoid whatever was happening. Not now, not in front of anyone. Admittedly, they'd all seen it before though that didn't make it any different, that didn't mean I wanted it to happen again.

That was when I started screaming.

My vision had turned white and I remember very little of what happened, other than hearing voices shooing Sebastian out of the room and warm arms encircling me. A soft voice whispered into my ear, their lips brushing the helix occasionally as they attempted to lull me into sanity.

The world had stopped as the stars danced across my eyes, showering the lids in dazzling spots.

Someone had paused the movie when I realised that the arms around me had slackened and that the whispering had stopped. Instead, all I heard was crying, jagged breathing and awkward hiccups in between the tears of someone who obviously didn't often feel sadness and was therefore unable to deal with it correctly.

I hadn't noticed that I'd stopped screaming until the person holding me began to rock, taking me with them. Their movements sending a feeling of safety, warmth even, shooting through my veins.

"It's alright Kurt, he's gone. He can't hurt you anymore, okay?" A second hand rested cautiously on my back before my eyes darted open, worried I wouldn't see someone approaching. The sudden flooding of light shocked my retinas; I immediately closed them again and reached my hands up to my face, digging the heels of my palms into my eyes to make it all go away. Small sobs escaped my lips at random moments as I pushed myself away from the arms holding me and stood, tripping occasionally on the mattress as I scurried away, still holding my eyes shut from the light.

Eventually, after a few more moments, I was able to allow my eyelids to flutter open without the burning sensation. I heard footsteps approaching me gently, worried to make me jump.

"Kurt? We're going to watch the rest of the movie now, do you want to sit down?" I turned my head slightly at the sound of Wes' voice, noticing everything. He was worried, sure, . . . but he was also scared, terrified even, of me. Terrified I'd break open and pour everything onto the floor between his feet by accident. Everything I didn't want out in the open without a thought, he obviously didn't know me very well. I was well-practised.

Rather than voice my concerns, I merely nodded; following him meekly back to the mattress and refusing an offer of a spot on the sofa. Jeff had red rims around his eyes as he cuddled into Nick, turning his face from me when I looked at him. David and Wes remained awkwardly silent throughout the rest of the movie whilst Blaine just looked furious, glaring ahead constantly. He was probably just annoyed that I'd interrupted the movie.

By the time it had finished, I was the only one left awake, everyone else having nodded off already. So much for the marathon they'd been bragging about having in the reserved common room all week.

The sounds of subtle breathing filled my ears as I sat bolt upright, staring at the blank TV screen. I'd switched it off as soon as the last head had lolled downwards, it was Blaine, by the way.

Something in the back of my mind was telling me to do something, anything. I couldn't stay here in the silence until I fell asleep, I did that every night and it was never good for my health. Everything was quiet and everything was still and everything was terrifying. I couldn't think anymore, thinking was dangerous. Thinking led to crying. Crying led to hurting. Honestly? I'd rather be spitting blood than have this silence fûck me up. Anything hurts less than the quiet, even a razor.

A sound behind me caused my head to snap around, cautious of whatever demon was hiding in the darkness; but it was only Nick. He'd knocked the bowl of popcorn onto the floor as his arm drooped lazily over the side of the sofa.

I turned back to the TV screen without a second thought, trying to think of anything to do that would help busy my wandering mind. A soft snore escaped the lips of the person beside me, he'd turned in his sleep so that he was facing me and that awful grimace had finally left his face. An arm reached out lazily, so close to brushing my own that I pulled away automatically even though we wouldn't actually have touched.

The piano. Music had been everything but since I'd started at Dalton I'd hardly sang at all, only the odd acapella part in the background of the Warblers. My head swivelled once again, turning to look at the grand piano in the corner of the room. Dalton basically worked around the Warblers, there was a piano in every room that wasn't a classroom, kitchen, or dorm room. Standing clumsily, I began to make my way to the piano, careful not to knock Blaine as I trod around him. I froze awkwardly when he decided to breathe out heavily and change sleeping positions, petrified that I'd woken him. Thankfully, the sleeping boy simply let out one more yawn and remained still.

A sigh escaped my lips as I sat at the stool, silently congratulating myself for not falling on someone.

My long fingers spread over the keys, seeing how they felt before pressing down on one . . . and then the stars exploded.

* * *

 

Blaine stirred gently, one of his many talents was appearing to be asleep so when he heard someone walking about he wasn't surprised when they continued carefully.

Before he knew what was happening he heard piano keys, effortless and elegant as fingers glided over the chords. Those were the hands of a practised individual and he knew it. Maybe Wes? David? He'd taught them all he knew so it wouldn't surprise him, I mean come on, his teaching truly was miraculous. Though when he opened his eyes and sat up slightly to see the boy at the piano he couldn't be more surprised.

The stars, they danced.


	12. Say Something

Stirring softly, I heard footsteps approaching and felt a smooth hand rest on my upper arm, shaking it slightly to rouse me. My head lifted groggily from where it was slumped on the piano lid; allowing a soft groan to escape my lips, I opened my eyes to see Blaine smiling down at me though as soon as he saw that I was awake he quickly turned away and removed his hand.

"Wake up sleepyhead, you never said you could play?" Jeff bounded towards us, giggling cautiously, as if worried that anything would set me on edge. I enabled an indifferent shrug to roll from my shoulders and hit the floor just before a pillow came sailing over my head to hit Blaine in the face.

The boy with the gelled hair turned furiously towards the source, seeing his friend and scowling before collecting the pillow to throw back, missing by about two metres. "David!"

"Someone had to stop you Blainey days, you were staring again," From just glancing at Blaine, I noticed that his cheeks had turned a deep scarlet as his eyebrows furrowed slightly, causing his head to tilt down automatically. David, seeming to have noticed that he'd said something wrong, immediately raised a hand to cover his mouth in an attempt to show that he hadn't meant it. "Not that staring at the wall is a problem, I mean, you just zoned out."

"Whatever, David. I'm going to get dressed, you coming Kurt?" Blaine gathered his duvet, running a hand through his hair. He was obviously becoming increasingly conscious of the curls escaping the gel at the sides of his face.

I nodded quickly as I scrambled to follow him, almost knocking the piano stool over in the process. I was glad for the opportunity to wear something other than my uniform.

After showering, I came to dress in the dorm whilst Blaine hopped in. Settling on a simple grey shirt and skinny black jeans, remembering to loop my black tie around my neck just as Blaine appeared from the bathroom, dressed and hair styled.

Blaine looked down at himself and laughed awkwardly, looking back at what I was wearing, "I feel completely underdressed." He couldn't help but brush his hands down his white jumper and pull at the red collar of his shirt poking out from underneath. Before leaving he hooked a hat from the stand by the door and placed it carefully atop of his head, making sure the angle was perfect in the mirror.

A sharp knock sounded at the door before an unmistakeable voice followed it, "Kurt Hummel, open this door right now before I quickstep my fabulously talented self right out of this building!" Rachel Berry was certainly a contender for the most arrogant human, but she was also one of the kindest when she wanted to be. Shooting me a confused glance, Blaine swung the door open as he turned to see Rachel. "Oh, hello. Kurt!" Quickly avoiding Blaine, Rachel enveloped me in a tight hug; her perfume was reminiscent of my times at McKinley, the good times and smelt vaguely of roses, never as overpowering as her personality. The thing with Rachel was that there was so much of her to give and currently, only a limited amount of people to receive. This meant that people often felt bombarded by her but it was only because she was such a unique individual that this became a problem.

"Well, hello to you too, I'm Blaine." Once Rachel had finished suffocating me, Blaine stuck his hand out for her to shake. He wasn't used to being ignored.

Rachel smiled graciously as she accepted Blaine's hand, "Rachel Berry, do you want your autograph now or when I'm a star?" This was what I meant by too much Rachel to go around. Blaine simply smiled, laughing the question off as the joke he probably thought it to be.

"Anyway, Kurt. We're going out for coffee, you can bring your friend if you want?" Her question was quickly interrupted as Blaine stepped in.

Shaking his head, Blaine smiled again, this time apologetically. "I'm afraid the Warblers were just about to go out for coffee." He shrugged delicately, it seemed that although he was trying not to cause offence, he also wanted to rub it in slightly after she'd basically ignored him. "Maybe some other time?"

"I'll just come with you!"

* * *

 

"And then I said, 'You want some tea with your sugar?'!" For some reason, the Warblers loved Rachel as they collapsed into giggles at the large table we'd managed to catch at the Lima Bean. All except Blaine, who was most put out by the lack of attention he was receiving.

A hand nudged my shoulder to gain my attention and when I looked across I was surprised to find that the hand belonged to none other than Blaine Anderson. "Hey, can we go somewhere?" I nodded as Blaine grinned, standing and collecting his coffee before taking mine in his other hand so that I could stand as well. "We're just going to pop out, we'll see you at the school." Blaine informed the others quickly as they all turned to look at us. I planted a quick kiss on Rachel's cheek as an apology for ditching her but she seemed to be getting on just fine.

As we left, I could hear someone asking, "Are you Kurt's girlfriend?" to which Rachel laughed before saying, "Kurt is only the most flaming of homosexuals, but I am dating his step-brother."

You had to love her, even if she had kind of out-ed me, you still had to love her.

After walking for a while, Blaine and I came across a small park where he claimed to have played as a child and so we took a seat on the swings. After kicking my feet off the ground and swinging for a little I stopped when Blaine started talking

"Kurt, can I tell you something?" Without waiting for an answer, the dark-haired boy began talking. "Kurt, uhm, I'm gay." A wave of shock hit me, I mean I'd seen the picture and the message from Eli but I hadn't been expecting him to come out to me. "Oh God, I'm scaring you aren't I? I just felt like bottling everything up was going to make me crazy." Ah. That, I knew all too well.

I bowed my head for a moment, trying to think of what I could do to tell him that it was okay, tell him he didn't need to be afraid of coming out or worried that he wouldn't be accepted. If he wasn't accepted then he didn't need the people who told him so.

"Shit, I'm sorry. I really did scare you. I didn't mean because I, you know, like you like that or anything." Blaine reached across the gap between the swings and took hold of my delicate hand, hanging limply by my side. He brushed the pad of his thumb over the back of my hand as he stared at our hands in his grasp, "I just wanted to tell someone and have them be okay with it, please Kurt." The thoughts rushed through my head at sixty miles per hour as my gaze remained fixed on the wood chips I'd been gathering into a pile with my feet to distract myself.

"You can't tell anyone, okay? I know you don't speak but I just, you have to promise me that you won't tell anyone!" The boy with the dark hair was practically shattering before me and even as he spoke I could feel my own glue breaking, pieces began to crumble away, his words eroding my fortress. "Kurt, say something, please!" Blaine's voice cracked as he tilted his head downwards, unable to continue. "Kurt, I'm, I'm giving up on you."

The words struck me to the core, Blaine was always so well put together, now he was crying in front of me, still clinging to my hand as if it were some form of lifeline.

"I promise."


	13. Better Left Unsaid

  
Blaine's head snapped upwards immediately, an expression of shock blossoming onto his face as he heard my speaking voice. After a moment of anxious waiting for him to continue, Blaine broke into a fit of laughter; unable to control himself, he practically fell off his swing.

"I don't know what I was expecting but I always imagined that you'd speak like Morgan Freeman, just for fun." Finally releasing my hand, Blaine covered his face as he sat forward on his swing.

Even I wasn't immune to that little confession and I couldn't help but giggle quietly, just imagining it myself. My hand reached up to cover my mouth, hiding my smile away as I was always conscious about how little teeth were on show. I noticed that Blaine had stopped laughing and was, at this point, just watching me; a small smile lingered in his eyes, even if it didn't quite spread to his cheeks.

He wet his bottom lip slightly before speaking, knocking me over with his words, "Kurt, are we . . . Does this make us friends?" Pausing for a moment, Blaine turned his head to the ground as the rest of his face finally caught up with his eyes, "I want to be, I have wanted to be since you sang. I'm just awful at showing stuff like that, whenever I look back on the things I've said I remember that they were probably hurtful. That's how I joke with my friends and since you seemed friendly with Jeff, I just expected that to work."

I was nodding before he'd finished talking, I wouldn't normally be so ready to befriend someone who'd actually been quite cruel occasionally but after telling me so openly about his sexuality and apologising for how he'd treated me I just felt like I owed him at least that. He didn't need to earn my forgiveness, he'd already demonstrated his morality.

"Come on, Kurt. We should probably get back to the Lima Bean and meet the others before Rachel tells them all how flamingly gay you are." He's laughing through the sentence, grinning as he stands, smirking as he offers me a hand to help me from my swing.

I accept graciously, blushing slightly as once I'm stood he doesn't let go, merely starts walking.

We approach the car park to the coffee shop and we can still see Rachel entertaining her crowd of Warblers through the window but Blaine drops my hand and I stop walking and something churns inside me at the thought of going back in there with Rachel. Bless Rachel, she's lovely but right now all I think when I see her is that one time she left just before Karofsky put me in hospital. It's the same with the rest of them. Finn, (other than the countless times that he led the bullying, I won't count it because they never beat me then) always said he'd protect me and then turned up just when the jocks had finished with me. Mercedes, all those times I told her to wait for me at the car because Karofsky and I had an agreement that I'd meet him under the bleachers after school if he hadn't seen me during the day (I know what you're thinking, I tried not going but the next day was so much worse).

Everyday is a battle that I just can't win.

"Blaine?" The shocked expression returns as I croak out again, attempting to gain his attention though it works so there's nothing to really complain about.  He walks back towards me and I let him take my left hand in his right. "Can we just wait for them out here?"

His face changed automatically to one of worry as he nodded and sat us down on the pavement next to the Warbler's cars. Brushing his shoulder against mine, Blaine continued to watch my expression for any signs of panic or distress. He didn't seem to want to look away in case I broke down in the second it would take him to turn back without him noticing. "Kurt, how are you feeling?"

_Like the whole world is spinning and happy and I'm crumbling and cracking and collapsing and crumpling and breaking and disintegrating and falling and fracturing and splintering and shattering and-_

"Fine." It's fine, I'm fine, it's going to be fine. I can fake a smile, I just can't fake my feelings. Some things are just better left unsaid.

In that moment, I see Blaine's face crumple as he looks into my eyes and tells me not to lie without once uttering a word. He doesn't need to. It's plastered across his face in big, fat tear tracks.

* * *

 

"Blaine! Rachel says one of the New Directions is having a party later, that was why she came, to invite Kurt. She said we could go if we wanted! Can we go Blaine? Please!"

Blaine had made sure I was completely calm before he allowed us to enter the coffee shop again, brushing his thumb over the back of my hand and singing Katy Perry under his breath. Apparently 'Firework' is all he has memorised currently.

We'd just returned to Dalton Academy after saying goodbye to Rachel and were about to head back to our dorms when Jeff came running up to us, hand firmly wrapped around Nick's. He was jumping up and down in excitement, Rachel had a tendency of making things sound better than they actually were. It was likely that one of the girls was just having the group round to watch a movie.

A few of the other Warblers, including Sebastian and Wes, had begun drifting towards us in anticipation of the answer. "Who's hosting?"

Jeff paused for a moment and turned to Nick for the answer, apparently he'd heard 'party' and ignored the rest.

"Someone called Puck."

That caused me to choke on the last of my coffee as the others turned to me in confusion. If it was at Puck's house it wasn't going to be just another house party, it wasn't going to be small. The jocks would be there and the jocks managed to get my garden furniture onto my roof when they weren't drunk, God knows what they'd be like with alcohol involved.

"How about it, Kurt? They're your friends, you want to see them right?" Blaine smiled almost worriedly as he turned to me, hoping I'd help with the decision.

I did, want to see them that is, just not at a busy house party that would be full of people I either didn't know or that used to bully me everyday. Unfortunately, when Blaine put it like that, saying no would make me seem like an awful person who doesn't care about his friends, new or old considering how excited the Warblers already were.

Merely nodding, I allowed the other boys to erupt into grins and giggles as they went running (and whooping) up to their dorms.

Blaine watched my face for a moment longer before he started walking up the large staircase, expecting me to follow him. I did. Once the door closed behind me, Blaine sat down on the end of his bed and turned to face me again. "How are you feeling? Do you honestly want to go?"

I couldn't say no, so I just shrugged and nodded before walking past him and straight into the bathroom, meeting Sebastian at the sink. I swear to God, having to share a bathroom with the next dorm was awful, you couldn't get away from people.

"Porcelain, long time no see. Oh well, you've been busy with the Warbler council, your new best friends." His words had a slight hint of venom in them but I ignored it as I walked passed him to one of the toilet cubicles, hoping he'd leave soon. I didn't even need to use the toilet, I'd just wanted to get away from Blaine for a minute or two. I took note as I walked passed that he was trying to hide a bottle of concealer. No wonder his skin always looked perfect. He had nothing to be ashamed of, I wore it whenever my skin care routine failed me.

"See you at the party, Porcelain! Don't drink too much, it might go to your head!" I could hear snickering as the door closed behind him, I simply rested my head against the door and closed my eyes to try to stop the tears. I wasn't even particularly sad, why couldn't I just stop crying?


	14. Fight Song

"Alright boys, some ground rules. No one returns to Dalton drunk, okay? You want alcohol, you find somewhere else to stay for the night." Blaine sneered at the groaning that came from the boys huddled around him in front of the door. "We attend a classy school, you can't fight me on this if you don't want to get kicked out of Dalton."

We were currently stood outside Noah's front door, able to hear the music already. Blaine had realised as soon as we'd arrived that this wouldn't be a small house party and squeezed my hand from where he stood beside me in reassurance. I'd given him a grateful smile as he pulled me a little closer and whispered into my ear that he'd stay with me the whole time, or at least make sure I was with people I was comfortable with. I was thankful that he was being so considerate as otherwise I didn't think I could even walk up to that house.

Clapping to gain the attention of his teammates, Blaine sighed before continuing. "Alright, that's all I have to say. Just don't embarrass yourselves. The whole point of the Warblers is that we're sophisticated, don't let yourselves go." The Warblers began whooping again as they nominated me to knock on the door since I was the one who knew the host.

I couldn't help but blush as they pushed me forwards and I knocked on the door delicately. God knows how he heard me but Noah soon swung the door open with a half empty bottle in his right hand and his left reached out to grab me in a one-sided hug.

"Kurtie! Princess! I missed you, babe!" Noah grinned as he planted a sloppy kiss on my cheek, greeting the other boys over my shoulder. That boy was terribly affectionate towards me, for a straight guy, when he was drunk.

I simply smiled gently towards him and nodded, placing my hand on his upper arm as I walked passed and into the party to see the glee club surrounding the door. Small cheers were heard as they mobbed me, engulfing me whole into an overexcited show circle. Rachel and Mercedes squealed as they held me and I was beginning to suffocate before they finally let me go and allowed me to find Blaine right at my side, as he'd promised.

Blaine placed his hand on my lower back as he leaned into my ear to whisper, "I thought you said that Puck wasn't your boyfriend?"

This caused me to giggle slightly as Noah was still drunkenly winking at me from his place beside Finn, "He's not." A look of confusion struck Blaine's features at my whispered reply before they settled into a fond smile as he watched me.

"Well, that's the Warblers dispersed." Blaine grinned as he looked around to find the only Dalton students to be seen were Sebastian  standing a few metres away and Wes pouting as a girl attempted to seduce David. Those two were so close, they hated when they were separated and David was just staring at Wes to save him, "We'll probably never see them again now." Once again, I couldn't help but giggle slightly though stopped when I caught sight of Mercedes wiggling her eyebrows suggestively towards me.

My friend cleared her throat and shouldered in between Blaine and I, her arm snaking around my waist as she continued walking with me in her grasp. "Don't worry Warbler, I'll return the white boy after we've had a little chat."

I turned back to see Blaine shrugging and turning to talk to Santana, who'd swiftly taken my place at his side.

Once far enough away, Mercedes stopped and turned to stare at me before she began talking. "That was flirting, Kurt. I don't care what you think, you don't know what flirting is. I shall tell you right now that that was basically the definition of flirting."

"Don't be ridiculous. That's Blaine." I huffed softly in rejection, unable to believe that she was actually saying such things. My entire body shuddered at the thought of Blaine and I as a couple, I mean, we held hands now and then and he wasn't exactly hard on the eye but I didn't think I would ever fall for him. We were friends, just because he'd come out to me and told me that he was gay didn't mean we'd get together.

I received a blank stare from my friend as she folded her arms and raised one eyebrow, "Oh? So you don't mind that Santana is practically on his lap right now?"

"What?" My head immediately whipped around to the place I'd last seen him and found him leaning against a wall, staring right back at me. His golden eyes watched me with such dedication that I had to look away after a few moments, unable to stand it.

I realise that I ambled thoughtlessly into that trap.

Head hanging low, I turned back to face Mercedes' knowing smirk . . . I'd only turned because I wanted to make sure that Santana wasn't scaring him off, that girl could be quite pushy and he'd literally just told me that he was gay.

"Right, and you also wouldn't mind if I tried to get his number because damn, he's cute as hell!" Her penetrating gaze followed my every movement as I attempted not to show any feelings I may have about her statements as I knew she'd immediately take it as a sign that I was 'in love'. "You also have an explanation for why you left the coffee shop with him today and were found afterwards, cradled in his arms on the pavement? Oh, and why you were holding hands with him religiously before I whisked you away? If you weren't always so quick to pronounce your atheism I'd say you'd hopped ship onto that faith to worship the Almighty Blaine."

"He's just my roommate, his name is Blaine Anderson, he's lead Warbler and he only stopped being awful to me today. We hold hands sometimes, it's not that weird." My eyes remained fixed on the ground as I scratched the back of my hand in front of me, unable to look up because I was almost worried as to what she would say next.

Mercedes gave me a small, sad smile as she began to notice how nervous her little interrogation was making me. Her eyes travelled to my hands where they settled as she took one of them before I could scratch the skin raw, "Yes, Kurt, but when we hold hands everyone knows it's not real because you are so flamingly gay. Also, you shouldn't be ashamed of admitting to me that you might have a little crush on him, there's nothing wrong with that."

This only caused me to roll my eyes, "Yes, thank you for reminding of just how little I fit in with straight guys. Reminding me why I don't have any male friends that aren't gay or questionably so, look at Noah when I walked in! He calls me 'Princess' for goodness sake!" I paused for a moment as I felt myself beginning to get worked up and tears pricking in the corners of my eyes. Glancing around the room, I found David and Wes in the same position as when I left them and for some reason that only fuelled my anger, "Even David and Wes, a girl is currently trying to flirt with David and he's only staring at Wes."

"Stop getting so defensive, Kurt! You're gay, yeah, we get it. There's nothing wrong with that, nor with being unable to fit in with straight guys, or not having any straight, male friends. So what? You can't keep getting angry at us and your life because it isn't exactly the one you wanted!" Without another word, Mercedes turned her back on me and walked away, leaving me alone in the midst of drunken, dancing people.

The numbers had multiplied quite drastically since we'd arrived and my path to Blaine had filled in completely, I couldn't even see the lead Warbler anymore. Unable to think or even move, my heart rate began dramatically increasing as I began spinning in an attempt to find someone that I knew who didn't really hate me. The tears that had been pricking at my eyes earlier began to fall in waves of fear as the people around me began spreading out further, practically flattening me against the wall in their drunken frenzy.

Gulping quietly, I began to attempt to get my head into order and took a few cautious steps forwards; searching for Blaine or even just a fellow Warbler proved far more difficult than I'd expected as honestly, the backs of their heads were strangers to me without the collar of a Dalton blazer.

"Hey, Porcelain! Want to dance?" An arm looped itself around my neck as Sebastian stared at me with a lazy smirk plastered across his face. I could see that he wasn't drunk, despite the beer bottle in his hand. This boy partied a lot, I'm sure he could probably handle more alcohol than anyone else in this room.

Sebastian didn't wait for an answer, just started pulling me further into the throng of people and away from where I'd thought the door could be. I hadn't answered his question so he'd simply taken what he wanted, something I'm sure he was used to doing. I didn't want to refuse and come off as rude so I shrugged and played along, bobbing awkwardly beside him. This wasn't my music, it wasn't show tunes. I had no idea how to behave and awkward bobbing seemed to be what everybody else was doing.

Everything was fine until Sebastian began coming closer, taking my left hand in his free right. I couldn't help but blush as he kept his gaze locked on my blue eyes the entire time he was moving closer still. The smirk never left, even when his eyes gazed down into mine from mere centimetres away.

I couldn't seem to move, everything froze in my body until he moved his hand to knot itself in my shirt and attempted to pull me closer still. Whatever metaphorical piece of elastic he'd been pulling had snapped as I retracted and leapt away from him, stumbling backwards as I almost fell over in my hurry to get away.

The crowd engulfed me once again and Sebastian was long behind me by the time I found myself practically walking into some kind of wall.

"Hey, f*ggot!" Definitely not a wall.

Shit.

"Long time no see, Lady. Care to explain where you've been?" A 6'1" statue stood in front of me as his shadow fell over my small frame. His cruel smirk was merciless as I attempted to fix my eyes on the floor and keep walking but unfortunately a large hand pressed against my chest to block my movement. "Not so fast, Pretty Boy." Karofsky's voice lowered as he leaned closer to me so that he could whisper, "You're coming with me." That same hand wrapped around my upper arm harshly as he began dragging me through the crowd and out a backdoor. This was probably so that he could hit me in private, it wouldn't be the first time.

Once at our destination, Karofsky pushed my back against the brick wall with a harsh snarl painted across his features. A small whimper escaped my lips as he rested a meaty hand on the wall beside my head and leaned forward, staring directly into my eyes in confusion, almost panic.

"Why do you have to be so tragically pathetic with everything you do?" His words cracked as his features buckled. I knew where this was going and this was worse than just punches.

Without waiting, Karofsky forced his lips against my own in a frenzied kiss as his large paws wrapped around my cheeks. I was unable to push him away, this had happened plenty of times before and I knew that I wasn't strong enough. He'd always been able to overpower me, even when I was eating properly and kept my strength up.

I was just waiting for the moment that he realised what he was doing. I never had to wait long.

His eyes snapped open and he pushed me away, forgetting I was already on the wall and my head hit the bricks with an almost sickening thud. The first punch came, but it didn't land, it stopped. My eyes cracked open, expecting to see someone holding him back but Karofsky seemed to have stopped himself. His fist was still raised, only an inch or two away from my gut.

For a moment I thought that he'd back down but instead he only snarled, as if convincing himself and pulled his arm back to swing again. This one landed, this one didn't stop.

This one hurt like shit.

I crumpled against the wall straight away; I hadn't been beaten in so long that although my body used to be able to steel itself against this, it had pretty much lost that sense of preservation. Karofsky pulled me up from the ground and threw in a few more punches before dropping my bruised body and walking away, kicking a few plant pots as he left.

My head was pounding as I realised that I was still crying on the floor five minutes later, loud and broken sobs escaped my lips as I attempted to stand and when I eventually had made it off the floor I needed the wall for support.

The world kept on spinning as I stumbled forwards, gasping as my vision went blurry and I could practically see two of everything. My eyes drooped again as I turned away from the wall but I snapped them open in a bid to remain conscious.

I had to make my way back to Dalton, I couldn't stay here and I didn't want to be a burden to my friends who wanted to relax at this party.

* * *

 

I'd been able to find a bus stop and thankfully they were still running at this time of night. It hadn't taken long to ride back to Dalton and I'd had enough change in my pocket for the journey.

Stumbling up the grand staircase seemed to be far more difficult than I'd anticipated as I couldn't trust my eyes to tell me where the steps were or where I should put my feet. I almost fell a few times but was able to climb that mountain without gaining more bruises to add to my seemingly ever-growing collection.

What number was my dorm again?

Once I'd found the correct room and had practically fallen through the door, I knew that the others wouldn't be back for a long while, if at all, and so I entered the bathroom without bothering to lock either door. I pulled my little box from the back of the cabinet and popped the lid open with a grimace. I hadn't cleaned one of the blades properly after the last time and dried blood had remained, darkening to an almost purple colour.

\--- _Okay so trigger warning here. Please don't put yourself in danger by reading this if you're likely to be triggered by it---_

Sliding down the wall, I began pushing the blade into the skin on my forearms after rolling the sleeves of my shirt up and out of the way. The sight of the red flowers blooming in lines allowed me to sigh in gratitude, they'd been itching so terribly.

I traced the blade along my arms again and again and again as horrific sobs left my body, forming ugly cries. Blood dripped from the wounds and mixed with my tears on my skin.

I hated Karofsky, I hated Sebastian for scaring me, I even hated Mercedes for getting mad and leaving me but most of all I hated myself for not being strong enough to cope with things like a normal human being. Mercedes was right, I was just getting angry because I was unable to live my life the way I wanted to. Every time I tried it just seemed to go wrong.

After about an hour of dry sobbing, the tears had stopped but my blood hadn't. I'd made countless cuts along my arms, planted countless rows of roses. That's what my mum used to tell me, whenever I'd hurt myself  by accident and she was cleaning up the wound. 'You need to stop planting roses everywhere, Kurtie. It's just not practical, my rosebud boy'.

I was deliberating whether I should start on my legs when I heard doors closing in the other room and immediately began to panic further, what if they came in? I didn't lock the door, did I? I didn't expect them to be back so soon!

\--- _End of trigger warning but I'd still be cautious, if the cleaning of them and mentions of them could be a problem then skip to the end of the chapter---_

"It's not that late, we still have time for a movie if you want?" I could hear Blaine talking and getting closer to the bathroom door as some boys cheered. I was assuming that it was Jeff, Nick, David and Wes. Who else would it be?

"Oh my god, Kurt!" Blaine opened the door just as I was trying to rush to the sink and clear up before I was found. Apparently, I was far too late as this caused the other boys to run into the tiny bathroom. Jeff immediately began sobbing and turned away from the sight, burying himself into his boyfriend's arms. Blaine ran towards me without hesitation, wrapping his arms around me as I automatically crumpled against him, unable to hold myself up anymore.

Wes began shouting instructions to Nick and David as he took over at the sink from where I'd left off, he tried to clean my cuts with a washcloth he'd found next to the sink. For some reason, my brain made a note of the fact that it was Blaine's washcloth and that I should buy him another one.

Nick had run to his dorm to find his first aid kit because he knew how useless Blaine could be and knew he wouldn't have kept it topped up.

David was searching through the cupboards in an attempt to find bandages or at least something that could stop the bleeding and be wrapped around the injuries to stop them from getting infected.

Jeff remained crying in the corner, clutching at his own arms instead of his boyfriend's and covering his mouth in horror. He was probably disgusted. I could just see it in his face, he was going to be sick.

Blaine simply held me in his arms, sensing that I wouldn't be able to stand at the sink alone anymore. His breath came in jagged bursts, letting me know that I'd been so careless as to make him cry.

My legs felt weak, my eyes felt sore, my head felt hazy. I couldn't feel my arms at all. Fat, ugly sobs racked through my body and left it in shuddering coughs as I attempted to tear my arms away from Wes' grip.

"I'm sorry but what the hell is going on in here? Porcelain? Oh my god!" Sebastian burst through the bathroom door from his side and was shocked as he stared in confusion. His eyebrows furrowed but it didn't take long before he was snapping into motion. Rolling his sleeves up, Sebastian moved to the sink and took another cloth before he started cutting into how Wes was trying to control things. "I'm trained in first aid, you're going to have to trust me here. Move out of the way, I know what I'm doing."

A moment of intense staring from Wes later and Sebastian was fully in control, directing Wes to take off his shirt.

"What? Why?" A look of confusion spread across Wes' face as he folded his arms against his chest defensively.

Sebastian snarled as he turned to face the boy who'd just defied him, "Because we need something to press against the wounds whilst we clean them with the cloth, we don't appear to have any bandages, David's looking for some, Jeff's a mess, Blaine's holding Kurt, I'm quite obviously busy and you're just standing there now stop arguing and do as I say!"

Wes cooperated immediately as he noticed that everyone had turned to watch him, seeing whether he would allow Sebastian to speak to him like that but it wasn't exactly the time and so he didn't question it. Handing his shirt to the boy who immediately bunched it up and began instructing Blaine to press it against my forearms, Wes began helping David in his search for bandages.

I hissed harshly as the material hit my open cuts but after reassurance from Sebastian, Blaine just continued and although I wanted to curse him at the time I knew that it was the right thing to do if he wanted to save me. Only problem was that I didn't know if I wanted saving.

"Blaine? You're going to have to sit him down, I can't reach him there." Sebastian brought a warm cloth to my skin on the other arm began wiping the blood away with such care I hadn't known that Sebastian possessed. Nick arrived at the door with the bandages and gauze just as he continued talking, giving him the perfect instruction. "Someone get Sterling out of here before he throws up, don't you remember what he was like the last time he saw blood?"

After both arms had been cleaned and wrapped in gauze and bandages, Sebastian urged everyone to leave the room so that he could speak to me in a hushed voice.

My eyes drooped as my head lolled downwards, I felt unable to keep it held up as Sebastian kneeled in front of my position on the floor. His eyes focused on my own in worry as he held my cheek in his hand, "C'mon Kurtie, stay with me now." Slapping my cheek gently, Sebastian brought me back to consciousness as my eyes rolled around the room. "Did you hit your head as well?" I refused to answer, simply kept glancing around the room as I realised that pretty much everyone I knew here now knew that I'd hurt myself deliberately. Panic laced my sobs, though they were dying down and few and far between. "Do you want to talk about it, Kurt?"

Although I shook my head, I couldn't help myself, I dived forwards and wrapped my arms around his shoulders as the horrific sobs returned, tears streaming down my once rosy cheeks. Once again, I found myself unable to stop crying. If we were being honest, I'd never wanted to die more.

Sebastian took this in his stride easily and immediately sat forwards to avoid toppling over though didn't pull away. I was probably ruining whatever designer polo shirt he was wearing but he didn't seem to care and neither did I. He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist to hold me before he began rocking backwards and forwards slightly in an attempt to soothe me. Occasionally, he brushed one of his long fingers through my hair to keep it out of my face as the panic welled further.

"Come on, Kurt. It's okay. You may only have one match but you can still make an explosion. All those things you didn't say? Scream them, you deserve to. Everybody's only worried about you, Kurt. Trust me, they could never hate you."


	15. All This Time

Breakfast the next morning was painfully awkward, Blaine had left the dorm room immediately after waking to get ready in David's room.

Sebastian had waited for me outside the room and walked me down the stairs, into the dining hall; never once flinching at the silence that fell over the room as we walked in. The Warblers were silent and the rest of the school was set on edge when after collecting their meals, two of the members, Sebastian and I, sat on a separate table.

Sebastian didn't expect me to talk about it, he didn't try. In fact, the first thing he did was tease me about how long I spent in the bathroom on a morning and attempt his flirting tactics. Sebastian treated me like I was normal. Sebastian treated me like a regular human being. Sebastian didn't stare. Unlike others.

"Kurt? Aren't you coming to sit with us?" Jeff and Nick paused as they walked passed our table, quite obviously confused by the seating arrangements. "David was going to show us this really funny video he found on YouTube, I don't know, it might make you laugh?" He was trying, bless him, Jeff was really sweet but it was obvious that he wanted to make me talk about what had happened just as much as the other Warblers. I was depressed, but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy. A lot of the time, I was perfectly fine. They just didn't understand.

"I think Kurt's okay where he is, boys, but thank you for the offer." Placing a hand on my shoulder, Sebastian ushered them away with his award winning smile which I'd heard that Santana had described as 'meerkat-like'. Even if we were close, I had to admit that it was quite perfect.

We ate in a comfortable silence, well, Sebastian ate. I picked and I prodded and in the end, I threw away.

Lessons were chaotic, the teachers are still trying to get to know me, get me to open up. They'll give up in a few weeks. French was horrific. Maths were atrocious. English was harrowing. History was frightful. Chemistry was dreadful.

I sat with Sebastian when possible and whenever Blaine or another Warbler attempted to catch my eye, I looked away.

"Kurt, can I talk to you?"

Blaine.

He began with a sigh, a deep breath and a falter. He didn't know how to begin.

"I wanted to give you some room this morning because, well, I heard you last night. You thought I was asleep, didn't you? You cried for hours after Sebastian left, Kurt." He was right. "Please talk to me about it, I'm worried about you!"

When I shook my head, he only seemed to get angrier, taking my hand and pulling it towards him in an attempt to force my attention back onto him. I ignored him. I ignored him because that was the first thing I could think of. I ignored him because that was the first thing I could think of to make him go away. I ignored him because that was the first thing I could think of to make him go away without risking my voice cracking. I ignored him because I didn't want to deal with my problems. I ignored him because I couldn't deal with my problems.

"Kurt! If you won't let me help you then how am I supposed to?" He let go of my arm though only stepped closer, bringing himself forwards.

My eyes drooped as I let out an irritated sigh, trying not to show it too much. "I'm tired, Blaine."

"Then sleep!" He didn't understand.

"You don't understand."

He gave up after that.

I skipped Warbler practise and went straight to my room, knowing that there was no chance that Blaine would be there for another hour. I wanted to talk to my dad. I needed to talk to my dad. I needed him.

The phone rang, and it rang, and it rang, and just as I was about to give up, he answered.

"Kurtie? Oh my god, Kurt, how are you? I've missed you so much!" His voice was enough, just enough to send me over the edge and throw me into that pit. I couldn't take it, I broke down. I wanted him here, I wanted a hug. I wanted my dad. I wanted my mum.

"Kurt? Kurt, stop crying. Please, Kurtie, stop crying." After a few long seconds of deep breaths and muffled sniffles from his side of the line, he continued, "What's wrong, Kurt? Tell me, please, this time. I want to know; I want you to tell me. Do you want me to come and get you? It's a Friday, right? I could do that."

I interrupted him quickly because I knew where this was going, he was just going to rush over here and I'd feel really bad about it. "No, Dad. It's fine, you don't have to come. I just wanted to talk to you. I've missed you, and I miss Carole and Finn." I heard a few more muffled gulps and confusion swelled as I continued, "I miss her as well, Dad. I miss Mum."

"I know, kiddo, so do I. It's okay though, right? I know she's gone but it's not so bad now. It's never okay but it is better now." I nodded before realising that he couldn't see me and changing it to a small noise of confirmation. "So, anyway, how's Dalton? Any new friends?"

Pausing, a smile spread across my face. He knew what to say to make it better. 'It's never okay, but it is better now', he always said that and it never failed to make me smile. "Sebastian, he's nice, I feel like I can talk to him. Then there's Jeff, the boy you met when you dropped me off, Jeff's nice too. He's gay, actually, and relatively popular! Nick, his boyfriend, and him are so cute together, it's not fair. Then there's my roommate, Blaine. We were starting to get close but I don't think he likes me right now."

Hearing the frown in my dad's words, I couldn't help but sigh slightly. "Why doesn't he like you? What happened? Also, that's really great news about Sebastian and Jeff, I hope to meet them someday."

"I was having a bit of a breakdown last night and he walked in, but I'm fine now, Dad! There's no need to worry, he just doesn't want to talk to me anymore." Practically spitting the words out, I couldn't believe that I'd just admitted to being sad to my father. I expected him to take it awfully, to worry.

"Do you want to talk about it with me?" He was worried, I could hear it, but he was being reasonable. This was the best response possible.

I did, I did want to talk to him about it but I didn't want to burden him, I didn't want to cry anymore. I'd cried enough tears for rivers to flow through the valleys of my skin and pour down the waterfall at the end of my chin. I didn't want to cry anymore. "Not really."

"Well, as long as you are getting better, I'll accept that. Now go and talk to Blaine." My dad only wanted what was best for me, I knew that. I also knew that he was right. I should probably stop shutting Blaine out, especially when he deserved better. So he froze under the pressure last night, honestly, I don't know many people who wouldn't.

"I will, Dad. I love you."

This time, I could hear the smile, "You too buddy, and you'd better call more often from now on."

"I promise." I was certain the corners of my lips had never turned upwards so much because for some reason, happy tears began to trickle down my cheeks.

I know that I'd said I didn't want to cry but this was better. This wasn't crying, this was smiling, and this was beautiful. "Good, I have to go now, I'm at the shop, bye Kurtie."

"Bye, Dad."

Now, whether I wanted to talk with Blaine or not was debateable, but I certainly wanted to speak with somebody. Honestly? Sebastian seemed like the best candidate. This was how I found myself waiting beside his door ten minutes before the Warbler practise ended.

Surprisingly, I didn't have to wait too long. I'd expected him to be another half an hour but after only three minutes of awkwardly standing around, I could see the figure of Smythe coming down the hallway with a sense of urgency.

"Kurt?" His expression stretched into one of shock when he noticed me waiting for him though quickly settled into a slightly sympathetic smile. What had changed since I'd seen him last? "What are you doing here? Do you want to come in? Nicholas is away with his parents so it'll just be us."

I nodded weakly and stumbled after him when he entered the room, I needed something to stop me from going insane.

"Sebastian-"

"Oh my god, you can actually talk. I would say that I thought you were mute but you sing like the heavens have opened so maybe not." Sebastian's amazement was put across in the best possible way and rather than making me worry, his words made me smile and blush at the compliment. "Sorry, you may continue."

I nodded, giggling softly before starting again, "Sebastian, Blaine hates me, I think I hate me, I- I don't know what's wrong with me." My words cracked as the smile shattered and my glue began cracking. I began longing for my flowerbeds.

"Oh, Kurt." We sat down on his bed as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder in comfort. His own smile slipping from his face as pity set in. "Come on, pick yourself up, don't blame the world. It really isn't all that bad. So you think you screwed up? My homophobic father found me, literally, in the closet with a family friend's 'straight' son. You're going to be okay." He wasn't trying to lessen my problem, he was trying to distract me from it. "Now find your boyfriend, Anderson, and apologise. You did push him pretty far away. You're a little self-destructive but everyone loves you, Kurt. You just don't always love yourself."

I was left crying again, but that's okay because this was the kind of crying I thought I needed. Turned out, it really was.


	16. Keep On Walking

 

I sat with Sebastian until we heard the other Warblers coming down the corridor, listening to stories of Nathaniel, the family friend and watching as Sebastian's eyes sparkled when he spoke about him. Unfortunately, Nathaniel was not 'out'. Nor would he ever be 'out', if he continued to listen to his father constantly telling him that everything he did was 'faggy' and would send him to Hell.

Having had no idea of the kind of things Sebastian listened to every time he went home, I felt awful for ever thinking he'd had an easy life paved with arrows of trust funds and inheritance. I began to apologise before he stopped me,

"Don't bother, Kurt. It doesn't matter, I don't care anymore. I'll never be with a girl for my father because as the great Michael Faudet once said, 'Lust is a lovely word and makes love so much more interesting'. I could never lust after a female and so I shall not try. " Sebastian's words held more wisdom than I thought possible of a seventeen year old boy. This could have been the beautiful quote or the tone of conviction used when delivering the lines but whatever it was, it was right.

I couldn't help but stare for a moment, disturbed only when I heard the toilet flushing from the bathroom, indicating that Blaine had returned to the room.

A smirk settled on Sebastian's features as he noticed my sudden abrupt posture, displaying my eagerness to leave. "Go on, talk to him, or don't talk. Do whatever you do."

Smiling, I planted a quick kiss on Sebastian's cheek before collecting my blazer, which had been discarded when we'd chosen to sit, and ran from the room. I couldn't wait, the only thing I wanted to do was run to Blaine and apologise, make him understand because the only thing that mattered was making sure that he didn't hate me.

For some reason, in that instant, it felt like Blaine was the puppeteer who danced across the sky with the stars every night.

I knocked.

I knocked because I'm an idiot who forgot that it was my room too.

I knocked because I'm socially inept and unable to remember little things like these.

I froze when Blaine opened the door and stared at me like he'd never seen anything more confusing in all of his time on this mess of a planet.

"Would you like to come in?"

Oh God, I hate myself so much.

Nodding as I stepped passed Blaine and into the room, I took a seat on my bed and gestured for him to do the same. He watched me, the confusion gradually fading into a forced look of disinterest. This boy was no actor, not when he was playing himself.

"Kurt? Are we going to talk about it? You don't have to, please remember that." Having initially sat on his own bed, when seeing that I was struggling internally with something, Blaine crossed the gap and placed himself beside me. His hand settled over the back of mine and calmed me by occasionally brushing against the skin softly. This boy had no idea how good he was at taking control of the situation.

My lips barely parted as I allowed the words to slip from my mouth, "I saw someone at the party. The reason I came to Dalton."

Blaine's face turned into one of shock when he heard that, as if he'd never considered that there'd been a specific cause for my behaviour. Because I randomly decide I want to hurt myself all the time, without a reason for it, of course. "Oh my God, Kurt. What did they do to you?"

"Let's just say that I feel so much better now that they're not around, there's no one to kick me while I'm down. The flowers have wilted, it's fine." My smile was weak, I didn't really believe my own words.

The confusion returned, "What do you mean? What flowers"

Pausing before continuing, I contemplated whether or not I should say the next part; I felt like I could trust Blaine and so, going against any other thing my conscience could come up with, "My mum used to compare injuries to flowers, roses usually. I was her Rosebud boy because I was so clumsy. She said that from the bruises, flowers grow." A faint smile ghosted across my face, she'd always been such an inspirational woman.

"Used to?" Blaine frowned when I referred to her in the past tense, obviously not understanding why I'd not only been so reluctant to talk about her, but also to tell him something so personal about our relationship.

Nodding delicately, I refused to allow this to faze me and made sure that my eyes and cheeks stayed dry. "Yeah, used to."

His face held a mask of disbelief when the obvious dawned on him, and pity as he decided to continue the conversation, realising that I didn't want to talk about her. "Well, did this person hurt you at the party?"

"No."

"You're lying?" Blaine frowned, it was obvious that he was beginning to get sick of me constantly hiding things from him but had decided to power on.

The word fell from my lips before I could stop it, I hadn't been intending on giving this piece of information away so freely. "Maybe."

"You are."

Blaine stared at me for a moment then, a long moment in which he attempted to fathom the unfathomable. His eyes closing in the frustration of the situation though I could see that it was not me he was infuriated with, but himself. He was infuriated with himself for being unable to make me open up about it. He couldn't stand that I was hurting and refusing to tell him; nothing had ever made less sense to me than this.

"What about the other thing." He was referring to my cuts. "Do you do that often?"

I lied.

"Have you ever done it before?"

I lied.

Blaine let out a sigh of relief.

I felt awful, lying to him like this. All I wanted was for him to stop staring at me like I was insane. "I thought it would help."

"Did it?" Blaine's smile was weak as he watched me attempt to remain composed, he knew I was breaking. It was written across his face in a language I was yet to understand.

"No."

I lied.

With that, Blaine removed his hand from mine and wrapped both of his arms around my frail body, holding me as I began to cry. He rocked with me, whispering words of comfort as I whimpered and whined into his warm chest. My cheeks dripped with tears as my entire world crumbled around me, the only thing remaining structurally sound was Blaine's body, tiny in the scheme of things, everything in that one moment.

"I love you, Kurt. You know that, right? You are important, everything you do is perfect because it's done by you and it's sincere and it's honest."


	17. I've Told You Now

Blaine and I sat like that until the lights in the hallway outside turned off and the stars came flying across the sky. The master puppeteer at work as he stood by the window, staring out with a look of whimsical lust to be in the open air of the night sky.

I could see where this was going.

"Kurt, would you like to go for a walk?" Oh, how cliché. Though I do have to admit that the hopeless romantic in me has always thought that that would be a lovely moment to share.

Nodding, I watched as Blaine smiled and offered me his hand when he turned from the picturesque scene. His hazel eyes sparkled and in that light, they looked golden. How fitting for the ringleader of the stars.

We snuck from the room and through the corridors, giggling quietly whenever Blaine thought he heard something and shushing each other even when we knew that no one was awake. He held my hand in his and pulled until we were running, wide smiles on our faces and eyes the size comets. It felt like we were running in slow motion, the world turning around us but we were safe, we were central, we were infinity.

When we reached a door, Blaine slowed to a halt and dropped my hand. He told me to stay still as he walked to open the door, swinging it with such force that I was certain it would wake every staff member but to my surprise, it merely glided open, revealing the night sky and the stars overhead.

It was breath taking, truly. Nothing had ever seemed so perfect.

Sitting on the grass, we looked to the stars, hand in hand. Blaine's eyes, still so golden and glorious, sparkled with every glimmer of a dream he'd ever known.

"What's it like?" Suddenly he was withdrawn, his knees pulled up to his chest as his eyes dulled and turned to face me. "Feeling like nothing's worth it anymore, so much so that you'd be willing to cause harm to yourself?"

That was unexpected.

"It's strange, you don't really know what's happening." He still didn't look as though he understood so I tried something else, "You feel stuck, you can't move on. It's like waiting for a friend and seeing everybody else meet theirs, leaving you standing in the dust."

His eyes widened in realisation before his brows furrowed and his features settled onto one of sadness once again. "Why didn't you tell me, Kurt?"

"Yeah, well, I've told you now." I didn't really want to talk about this any more, we said that inside. I was hoping that we could leave it behind out here. This only caused Blaine to shake his head and sigh slightly before an idea sprung to his face.

A smile pulled his features out into the widest grin I'd ever seen. "I'm going to make sure you never feel like that again. I'll make you happy if it kills me, Hummel. Don't ask why because I have no idea, I just know that I'd be willing to waste all of my precious time looking out for you. Though honestly, it wouldn't be a waste of time at all because everything about you is fascinating and makes me want to know more."

He was so happy, ready to make sure that I knew how loved I was in this world. He'd meant it platonically when he said it earlier, I wasn't stupid but it had still made my heart flutter slightly. "You can't waste your life on me, Blaine Anderson."

"Oh I wouldn't mind, Kurt Hummel, it would be a privilege to waste my life on you."

The gears whirred into my mind as I recognised most of that line, "Did you just quote 'The Fault In Our Stars'?"

"Perhaps." A smirk painted itself across his cheeks in vivid scarlet and watched me, waiting to see how I'd react.

Shaking my head with a grin, I lowered it so that he couldn't see me blushing. Small giggles escaped my lips and from the corner of my eye I could see that this caused him to sit up and lean forwards, reaching across to me with his left hand. "You're such a dork."

He tilted my chin upwards so that my eyes lay level with his, this moment felt more intimate than I thought anything could ever feel. His golden eyes searched my blue irises, digging into my soul and pulling to the surface every happy memory of my mother and the way she searched my face for tell tale signs of anything other than happiness. "Perhaps."

His laugh rang out and floated through the space between us, dancing and twirling as the heat of his breath dispersed into the cool night air.

_Magic tumbled from her pretty lips and when she spoke the language of the universe - the stars sighed in unison ~ Michael Faudet_

I was so glad that Sebastian had reminded me of my favourite poet, I'd forgotten him in the sadness of my situation with Karofsky but I'd never found a better moment to relate his work to.

'Stars' was always my favourite, some of his works were incredibly vulgar but even those held signs of beauty and although they made me feel awkward, I still read them with the innocent ones because everything he had written was stunning.

We lay there until the moon was directly above us and I was beginning to yawn, at which point Blaine pulled me to him and cradled my feeble frame into his chest.

 

I awoke in my own bed, having no memory of returning to the dorm rooms, I worried slightly that Blaine had been forced to carry me before we were found by a teacher. I hoped not, I hated being powerless and I hated being a liability.

Glancing around the room to find him, this was the first time that I realised that my fellow Warbler was no where to be seen. The room was empty and the sound of glorious singing from the bathroom was not ringing through my ears. At this point, I glanced at the clock.

"Oh, shit!"

\---------------

_Third person POV_

As soon as Blaine walked into the Warblers weekend rehearsal he was shepherded into a corner by none other than Sebastian Smythe, "Did Porcelain talk to you last night?" He'd skipped the pleasantries and jumped right into the conversation, just how Blaine liked it. He was almost incapable of being pleasant around Sebastian Smythe, something about him just made him loathe the boy. It had gotten considerably worse in the last few weeks for whatever reason; Blaine could barely stand near him anymore.

This struck a slight chord in Blaine and left him reeling, wondering if Kurt hadn't opened up to him because he'd wanted to but because he'd been told to. He frowned before answering, wondering how Sebastian would explain himself, "Yes, why? How do you know?"

"Because I told him that he should talk to you when he was crying in my room." This was delivered with such a direct tone, as if it should have been obvious from the get-go but instead left Blaine bewildered and growing tense.

His anger began to flourish in lavish twists and turns as he started to see red, suddenly so very indignant and resentful that he could hardly contain it, "He was crying in your room?"

"Yes, don't worry though, I hugged him before I sent him on his merry way." The mere possibility that Kurt had spoken to someone else first had never crossed Blaine's mind, nor would he ever have expected for it to be the truth. This comment only made him want to hurt Sebastian, worried about what he'd said to Kurt. 'What if Kurt likes Smythe more now?' this was the only thought swirling through Blaine's head.

Still seeing red, Blaine couldn't believe he'd been able to stay collected so far. He could see Wes and David looking over through the corner of his eye, quickly wrapping up their conversations to make sure that he didn't do anything stupid or drastic; they were going to have to hurry, "Why don't you just leave him alone from now on, yeah?"

"Why? Is Blainey Days jealous?"

The boy with the gelled hair swung the first punch.


	18. Latch

_Third Person POV_

Chaos ensued as the Warblers gasped. Bodies quickly formed a circle around the two boys as fists continued to fly. Rather than cheering as a normal high school crowd would, the Warblers attempted to pull the fighters away. To no avail.

"Do you give up yet, Smythe?" Blaine whispered harshly through gritted teeth as he held Sebastian an inch or two from his face by the collar. A vicious snarl danced across his lips, daring the boy to retort.

Sebastian merely grunted and kicked at the shorter boys shin, "You can't tell me who I can and can't talk to, Hobbit. You're only trying because you're hopelessly in love with him."

Blaine set Sebastian down as he said that, unable to believe that he'd practically just been outed and listening to the confused whispers of the Warblers around him. "You're an awful little meerkat, you know that, right?"

Sebastian simply leaned forwards, his words hit Blaine like a dagger as he hadn't been expecting them, he'd been expecting much worse, not a mocking insult. "Bite me."

Another fist went flying from the boy with the gelled hair as Sebastian just missed ducking out of the way. Smythe hit the floor with a thud and a look of malice crossed his face before he jumped up, proceeding to attack Blaine with a greater ferocity.

The large doors swung open as a frantic Kurt Hummel came running through, expecting to be chastised for being late to rehearsal, completely surprised by what hit his eyes instead.

 

"Blaine?" Kurt tried to step forwards, curious as to who was fighting, though was pushed back by the crowd. His voice was inaudible over the din of the boys surrounding and the shouts from those in the centre. It couldn't be Blaine, it wouldn't be Blaine. Blaine Anderson was too gentle to fight anybody, though he couldn't stop worrying.

Eventually, Kurt's worry became laced with fear when he caught sight of untamed curls that had come loose with sweat  over the top of someone's head.

This was only added to when the tall figure of Sebastian Smythe came into view, towering over Blaine at 6'2", before hitting the ground once again when Blaine connected his fist with his face. His body remained still this time as Blaine began reaching to lift him up and hit him again.

Panicked, Kurt could think of nothing better to do.

"Stop!"

* * *

 

_Kurt's POV_

 

The shout left my lips without thinking, louder than any noise I'd made in months. My entire body shook as my hands flew to cover my mouth, amazed with myself that I'd made such a sound in front of this many people. Embarrassment also set in, because now everyone was staring, even Blaine. The only eyes that didn't meet mine were those of Sebastian Smythe, as he remained slumped on the ground, either in embarrassment or fear.

The entire room had frozen, confused. Heads had turned and eyes had widened when they fell on the fragile frame of Kurt Hummel. My chest rose and fell quickly, the oxygen incapable of keeping up with the adrenaline rushing around my head.

Stepping forwards calmly, I attempted to slow my breathing as I walked straight passed Blaine and kneeled by Sebastian. I reached my hand out for his and helped him from the floor cautiously; his face was bruised black and blue from the punches Blaine had thrown at him. It seemed that Sebastian Smythe was all talk; when it came to actually defending himself, this boy was weak and helpless, he wasn't a threat and should never be treated as one.

The eyes never left my back as I turned away to lead him to a chair, on guard and worried that someone would try to hurt him again.

"C'mon, Blaine. Come away." I heard David practically begging Blaine to follow him and when I turned around, I could see that he was attempting to pull him away by the shoulder. Blaine refused to go, he merely stood there, motionless, staring at the floor. "Blaine, c'mon."

Stepping towards them reluctantly, I put a hand over David's and pushed it away. Thankfully, he understood that I was telling him to leave it and backed away, clearing the crowd when I tossed them a glance as well. When Blaine eventually looked at me, I tried to begin my questioning.

Gulping to clear my throat, I attempted to form the words before having to wet my lips and start again. "Why were you fighting?"

His hazel eyes met mine for the first time since I'd split the two up, they were devastated. I could quite easily assume that this was a side of him he hadn't wanted me to see. A tornado of guilt and worry seemed to swirl around his pupils in a frantic frenzy.

Before he could respond, a muffled complaint of pain came from behind me before continuing,

"Blaine here is obsessed with you and is trying to stop me from talking to you."

Without looking back, I knew exactly who it was, who else could it be? I also caught Blaine's eyes widening in fear before he cast them downwards again, towards his feet.

"Sorry, did I interrupt the bit where you forgive him immediately for beating me to a pulp? There's not a scratch on him but I think that my beautiful face has been more than marked. I would say that this is in direct violation of Dalton Academy's tolerance policy but I shall keep schtum so long as you do the same, Anderson." Sebastian was obviously quite bitter as not once did the snarl even flicker. In fact, if I didn't know him better, I might have said that he'd been about to cry as the corners of his eyes began to glisten. On a completely unrelated note, I bet Sebastian Smythe cries diamonds.

Blaine remained staring at the floor, refusing to look up as he mumbled something about it not being true. I wasn't surprised he was ashamed, he wasn't even out yet and Sebastian was telling everyone he was in love with another boy. I couldn't believe Sebastian would go so far as to share something like that. Looking back at me with a renewed sense of urgency, Blaine bit his lip before continuing, "Can we go up to our room?"

Nodding, I offered him my hand and followed him patiently from the practise room, trotting along behind as he directed us through the crowd with my hand firmly clasped in his strong grip.

 

Once we'd returned to the dorm, Blaine gestured towards his bed as he sat down, expecting me to sit next to him. I sat down on my own bed, opposite him.

A sigh escaped Blaine's slightly parted lips as he ran his hands through his hair, loosening some of the curls further as he attempted to find a place to begin. He eventually cleared his throat and began speaking, "Smythe asked if you'd spoken to me and I asked how he knew."

Blaine seemed to pause here as he wondered how to continue, looking up at me for encouragement. I didn't smile, I didn't want him to think I'd just forgive him for attacking my friend. Sebastian had been right, I had been about to blindly forgive him but now that it'd been mentioned, I wanted a reason.

"He was saying how you'd gone to speak to him first and that you'd cried in his arms, Kurt." Blaine had begun to allow gentle tears to slip down his rounded cheeks, reaching across to take my hand in his own. Mine remained limp in his grasp. "Come on, Kurt! Surely you forgive me now?"

I remained still.

Red flashed across his irises as his eyes flared, "Fine! He asked if I was jealous and I couldn't take it!You're everything to me Kurt, I couldn't stand the idea that you liked Smythe better than me so I tried to tell him to stay away from you. I know that was wrong but that was the best I could think of! I just didn't want you to go and fall in love with Sebastian because you think he's the only one you can talk to. You can talk to me, Kurtie, you can always talk to me." He begin to falter, but realising that is was too late to turn back, he continued, "You enchant me, Kurt, even when you're not around."

In that moment, I crossed the gap between the beds and pushed him further back so that we could sit facing each other on the one piece of furniture. I spent a couple of seconds merely staring at him before wrapping my arms delicately around his waist and resting my head on his shoulder as Blaine brought me closer until I was sitting on his lap. He buried his face in my neck as his short tears continued to fall, this time in surprise that I hadn't pushed him away.

 

After a little while of simply lying together, I felt the need to say something, "Blaine?"

"Yes, Kurt?"

Gulping softly, I blushed as Blaine reached down to push strands of fallen hair from my face as my throat locked. Blaine had done it, I could too.

"What did you give me to make my heart bleed out my chest?"


	19. Tenerife Sea

I awoke a couple of hours later to the sounds of giggles and phone cameras clicking. My eyes cracked open cautiously to find that I was still wrapped in Blaine's embrace with Nick and Jeff peering over us, brandishing their iPhones.

Of course, these boys just had to follow every boarding school stereotype, didn't they?

Once my head had cleared and my tired fist had wiped the sleep from my eye, I began to shield myself from the camera. I found Blaine quite the candidate for a neck to bury my head in but this only resulted in more cooing from the giggling boys overhead.

Blaine eventually stirred as I began to sit up, attempting to leave, wanting out of the frame. He only wrapped his arms further around my waist and nuzzled his face into the nape of my neck as I tried to escape his grasp, not having opened his eyes yet as he pulled me down again. This caused howling laughter to leave the boys and this, in turn, caused Blaine's eyes to fly open as he sat upright immediately.

"Oh my god, it's just you two." Blaine's breath came out in one go, either they already knew he was gay or he didn't care because they were openly gay and it wasn't as if he should be worried about them hating him.

Nick nudged Jeff as his boyfriend continued to giggle before adding in, "Who else would it be?" Blaine began nodding to this as he realised no one else would just giggle and take pictures of their 'straight' friend cuddling with another boy.

Jeff bounded forwards as he held his phone in his grasp, quickly shoving it into Blaine's face as I'd already escaped the bed and found my way to the corner of the room. "Look how cute you were, Blainey days!"

Stepping forwards curiously, I tried to get a glimpse of what they'd actually captured before Nick presented me with the same picture on his phone. The picture showed Blaine and I cuddling, our foreheads practically touching as our noses knocked. I had to admit, I'd no idea we'd gotten that close, I must have rolled over by the time I'd been woken. It was cute though.

Before he could reply, Blaine could only blush as a warm smile appeared to spread across his cheeks. When he'd collected himself, Blaine stood up and began ushering the two boys out of the room. "Charming, now please leave. It's early in the day and Mr Hummel and I have plans."

This only caused Jeff and Nick to squeal softly and let out a teasing, "Well have fun then, Mr Ander-Hummel!" Blaine laughed in response as he closed the door behind them, turning back to me with a grin.

"We have plans?" I cocked my head to one side as Blaine giggled again, coming closer and stopping a centimetre or so from my face.

His nose brushed mine as he tilted his head to say, "Yes, we do." At this point, his arms had slunk their way around my waist as our eyes remained locked. "Would you like to fix your hair, Kurt? I mean, it's _lovely_ , but it's a bit of a bed head." His giggle returned when my eyes flashed in fear, breaking out of his grasp as I ran to a mirror. He was right, it was a mess.

After fixing the bird's nest in the bathroom quickly, I came out to find Blaine holding the frame with the picture of my dad and I at our tea party. He was smiling softly as his index finger brushed over my face.

Although I hadn't realised he'd heard me come in, he began speaking, "You look so happy, Kurt. It's _lovely_." He glanced over his shoulder at me and threw a sad smile in my direction. For some reason, this threw me off completely. I hadn't been expecting anything like that as a response, especially when that was taken only a few months after my mother's funeral. How had I looked so happy?

Blaine carefully set the frame down in the exact place that it had once been and walked over to rest a hand on the small of my back as he began to lead me from the room and towards the car park of the school.

Opening my door for me, Blaine flashed a bright grin as I thanked him quietly and climbed into the car. Once he'd found his own seat before the wheel, I asked quietly where we were going but he refused to answer. Merely shaking his head and resting a finger on his lips in reply, Blaine pulled out of his space and entwined his fingers with mine over the console.

The ride was silent, only it wasn't uncomfortable. My mother used to say that I should find someone whom I could sit with for hours, no conversation needed, just each other's company. She said that I should find that person and let them love me because I'm already in love with them. Maybe we're not soul mates, if anything happens from this, maybe it won't last, but that doesn't mean we can't be in love. I find that to be a _lovely_ thought.

Blaine eased the car cautiously into a space outside the Lima Bean, his grin widening as he glanced across to see the park dotted with snow. Pulling a duffel bag from the backseat, Blaine told me to remain where I was for a moment. Admittedly, this confused me though I soon understood as he scurried around to open my door for me once again. A blush arose on my cheeks as I accepted his hand to guide me out and once there, he pulled me into a quick embrace before planting a kiss on my cheek. His hand fell to meet mine when he shouldered the bag and kicked the door closed behind me with his foot.

A grin scattered itself across his face as Blaine began pulling me into a run towards the gates of the park. His red scarf whipped behind whilst my feet hit the ground clumsily, struggling to keep up but laughing even so. Suddenly, a gust of wind smacked me in the face and I realised that I couldn't recall being so happy. This revelation painted a wide smile onto my cheeks as my eyes lit up. We ran past countless people, hand in hand. I'd normally be worried about what they thought but honestly? I couldn't care less in that moment because I was with Blaine and Blaine pulled me away from all of it. He always has the kind of look in his eyes that says 'no one knows anything but us'.

Blaine eventually slowed to a walk, claiming that it was so he could actually see my face rather than only feeling my hand in his grip.

"You're _lovely_ , Kurt. In every way." Blaine mumbled this statement under his breath, thinking that I couldn't hear. This fact only made his words mean so much more. It's one thing to say something like that to someone's face but to say it to yourself? He wouldn't have said it to himself if he didn't mean it completely.

Eventually, Blaine claimed that we'd arrived at our destination and when I looked up, my breath left my body. We stood before an ice rink and I would be lying if I said it hadn't always been my dream to go ice skating on a date. Of course, I thought I'd have years to learn how to ice skate as I eventually became a butterfly from this awful caterpillar shell that I currently residing in so I hadn't actually taken the time to learn yet. I'd been expecting to be amazing by the time this happened and be able to woo the person with my fabulous skating skills.

I could feel it, I was going to embarrass myself.

"I brought skates for us to use, the ones they provide are never very good, I've been skating since I was four so I've compared a few in my time." Blaine began to pull the duffel bag from his shoulder as directed me towards the benches, handing the money to the girl at the desk on the way past. "I hope you don't mind but I had to do some detective work and look at your shoes whilst you were sleeping to see what size you were."

This only caused me to laugh and another wide grin to break out on his face as his eyes scanned my face for signs of worry though found none. Taking my hand, Blaine sat me down and handed me a pair of skates to change into whilst he did the same.  
  
  
  


"Come on, Kurt, glide one foot and then the other." Blaine laughed as he stood on the ice, his hands in mine as he tried to pull me forwards. As soon as I'd stepped on the ice I'd panicked and refused to go any further. Blaine eventually began tugging, causing me to have to skate forwards if I didn't want to topple over.

I still managed to topple into Blaine.

Thankfully, he's such a good skater that we didn't fall but his arms had naturally wrapped around me to absorb the impact of the fall. Mine, of course, had embarrassingly clung onto his neck in fear as a terrified squeak leaped from my lips.

Blaine only smiled and urged me to open my eyes as he stood me upright and pulled me further towards the centre of the rink before dropping my hands and skating away.

"Blaine? Blaine, no, please! Blaine!" My panic was evident as I practically fell when just calling for him to return. I watched as he skated around the outside of the rink, darting between groups of people and giving me a thumbs up every now and then.

When he eventually returned I was practically fuming, "Blaine! Why would you leave me?"

"I had to, you can't learn when you're stuck in the sea that crowds around the edge." I began to see some logic in this, I just didn't want to admit it. "Come on, you've got space to think here, it's better." Blaine took my hands in his again and this time, I allowed him to lead me forwards. I will admit, my movements were jagged and awkward but Blaine moved over the ice so smoothly, his feet glided wherever he wished to direct them and never once did he show a sign of overbalancing.

Blaine led us in a circle around the rink, eventually stopping in a slow spin that almost resulted in my face hitting the ice. I had to admit, I felt so much more confident than I would have, had he left me alone to inch around the side with the other beginners.

"Do you want me to let go for a little? I'm sure you'll be fine, I was barely holding on just now." Blaine smiled at me as a worried frown settled on my face, though after seconds of deliberation, I agreed. "Okay, I'll be around if you need me." He pressed his lips against my cheek in a soft kiss before skating away, backwards, might I add.

Taking off cautiously, I soon found that I had no problem so long as I went slowly. Blaine was right, I was fine. Until I attempted to pick my foot up further and glide properly, this merely resulted in me tripping over my own feet and landing on the ice with a thud.

When Blaine skated over in a panic, I simply giggled and rested my chin on my hands, crossing my feet in the air behind me as I smiled up at him. Joining the laughter, Blaine reached down to help me up but I tugged in return until he hit the ice gently beside me. A look of shock arose in Blaine's eyes before a cheeky grin as he launched at me, pressing my hands against my sides to tickle me.

Soft giggles rose from my chest, unable to fight him off, I gave up in the end and only squirmed when possible. Eventually, Blaine stopped and merely hovered over me for a moment. His hazel eyes locked on mine before he was snapped out of it by a girl performing a Triple Lutz beside us and winking at him on the way past. I turned to see why he was staring just in time to see her mouth the words, 'He's cute! Go for it!'. This only caused Blaine to laugh as he offered the female skater a thumbs up and turned back to me.

The sudden shock of Blaine's face centimetres from mine was enough to practically send me swooning. He had such beautiful eyes, and although the people who said his brows were like triangles were right, they suited him perfectly. I'd never seen anything so _lovely_.

"I love your hair like that, Kurt. Honestly, you really do look so beautiful in this light, it really brings out the blue in your eyes." He traced the pad of his thumb over my cheek as he seemed to deliberate whether he should lean in or away. He chose to lean away, which I was grateful for. I don't think I'd have known how to respond if he'd chosen the former, "Right! Well, we should get going. I have further plans and you haven't seemed to enjoy this as much as I'd hoped." Blaine smiled and managed to stand without toppling. He pulled me up to join him in a swift movement and cradled me in his arms as I slipped, almost falling again.

Embarrassed, I felt the need to apologise for being such a bad skater and mumbled a quiet, "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Kurt. You've never skated before, it's completely understandable." He set me upright before taking my hand and beginning to lead me over to the exit of the rink, "Anyway, I found it rather endearing. You followed me around like a little lost puppy!" Blaine began to chuckle and although I normally wouldn't be sure what to think of a comment like that, I knew that there was no malice behind his words at all.

We made our way back to the car and once again, Blaine insisted on opening the door for me.

"Stay here, I'll be right back!" Blaine quickly mumbled this before kissing my cheek again and running away. I watched him enter the Lima Bean and smiled to myself, he looked so happy. It was _lovely_.

Returning with two cups, Blaine handed one to me over the console with a nervous smile, "Grande non-fat mocha, right?" This, for some reason, suddenly seemed like the most important thing in the world in that instant.

"You know my coffee order?"

"Of course I do." Blaine smiled, his eyes lighting up with a cheeky playfulness as he took a sip from his medium drip.

This time, the car ride was anything but silent. It was a slightly longer drive to whatever our next destination was so Blaine connected his phone to the car speakers and cranked up the volume. We sang along at the tops of our voices! I hadn't had so much fun since I was happy and it was _lovely._

Blaine had quite the music taste, I'd probably call it eclectic.

The songs that came on ranged from Katy Perry to the Wicked soundtrack (my personal favourite, of course) to P!nk. Although at one point Blaine quickly changed the song as One Direction came on, blushing in embarrassment when I chuckled at him.

"So, I'm a stereotypical gay, does it matter?" Blaine's voice was defensive though his face portrayed a smile as we were stopped at a red light. He watched me intently, a look of adoration coated his eyes and practically dripped from his cheeks. When I realised I was staring, I quickly turned away and allowed my cheeks to flush only when I was gazing out of the window.

We soon arrived outside my house, causing confusion to seep in.

"I got your address from the principal, I hope you don't mind?" Blaine watched my face cautiously, obviously worried for signs of a problem with this scenario.

I shook my head, my hand flying to my mouth as I realised that I was about to see my dad for the first time since he left me at Dalton. My eyes began to tear up, though in a happy way, and Blaine realised this when I turned to him with the widest grin he'd ever seen plastered across my face. "How long have you been planning this, Mr Anderson?"

"Far too long, Mr Hummel." His eyes lit up as his cheeky comment caused a small giggle to escape my lips before continuing, "It's four now, so be ready for six thirty. Dress code is almost formal but not."

Another giggle flowed into the air between us, charging the atmosphere with elated smiles, "So smart casual?"

Blaine suddenly realised why I'd been giggling and blushed as the left corner of his mouth turned up ever so slightly, his hand reaching across naturally to squeeze my own, "Possibly."


	20. I'm In Love

I wished a goodbye to Blaine and squeezed his hand reassuringly before running out of the car, up the porch steps and to the door. Having not been expecting to stop here, I didn't have a key with me and had to knock. Throwing a wave to Blaine, I expected him to leave but he stayed, sweetly, waiting to make sure that I got inside okay.

I was still blushing softly at the ground by the time my dad had opened the door, a shocked expression quickly binding itself around his features as he saw me. Without waiting for an explanation, my dad took me into a warm hug and rested his chin on my shoulder as he leant down.

"Kurtie, I missed you, bud!" He exhaled quickly, relief flooding through his veins as the realisation sunk in that he was seeing his son again. I hadn't been home because I didn't think I could face him, I was so glad that Blaine had taken the first step for me. Before I allowed Burt to lead me inside, I turned to wave once more at Blaine and couldn't help but blush as he smiled. His cheeky wink practically sent me swooning as I leant into my dad for support, a contented sigh escaping my lips.

Finally, Blaine drove away, and I was left to turn to face my dad properly. His face held a look of amusement as he crossed his arms and allowed one eyebrow to rise ever so slightly. "Carole! Come and talk to Kurt about relationships!"

This only caused the blush coating my cheeks to increase dramatically as I trotted through the door after him, finding Carole in the kitchen. Her face also housed a smile, especially when I approached her with a hug and probably held on for a little longer than necessary.

"Oh, Kurt. We've really missed you here. Unfortunately, Finn's out with Rachel right now but he'll be back in an hour or two!" She squeezed my shoulder tightly and held on as if she never wanted to let me out of her sight again. I did feel bad for not coming back in so long, it was just that I hadn't wanted any awkward conversations about _it_.

I felt really bad having to say the next part, it was obvious that they wanted me to stay overnight. Unfortunately, I knew that if I stayed much longer, I'd be roped into a conversation about happiness, my state of it in particular. "Actually, Carole, of course I'd love to see Finn but I'm, um, I'm going out to dinner with Blaine."

This caused my dad to look up from the newspaper he'd been reading and squint slightly, it wasn't hard to know that he was trying to think which one of my friends was 'Blaine'. "Blaine? I don't remember a Blaine." Just as predicted.

"My roommate, remember, Dad?" I was already blushing just talking about him, God knows what I'd be like actually sitting across a table from him.

Realisation struck my dad's face as he finally pictured the person that I was talking about, "Of course, the hobbit with the hair gel!" I could have sworn my dad had been around Santana when he said that, only staring at him in confusion before finally able to reply.

"Yes, Dad, that one." I was still shaking my head slightly in disbelief, not really sure how to react as Carole simply started laughing. This received a smile from my dad, which distracted me completely from the issue as I realised just how happy she made him. So what if his true love had been my mum? Of course I missed her but he had to move on at some point and I was glad that it was with Carole.

_It's never okay but it's better now._

My dad nodded knowingly, still smirking slightly that he'd managed to make his wife laugh. A second wave of realisation rolled over as he put together the 'hobbit with the hair gel' and the boy who'd had me blushing outside, "Wait, as a date?"

"I think so."

Carole squealed slightly as she ran around the counter island once again and enveloped me in another warm hug. She jumped back and clapped her hands together, practically unable to stop herself from launching at me again. "Oh, Kurtie! That's so cute! This is so cute! You're going to be so cute together! Do you want help picking out something to wear? I'm assuming that's why you're here."

I'd laughed through the first part of her exclamation though as soon as Carole's fashion advice became a possibility, my face fell into one of horror, quite unsure of how to decline.

"Carole, honey, I think Kurt's got this. Look at him, he's wearing fingerless gloves and they're certainly not for practicality." My dad winked at me from behind his wife, chuckling as I sighed in relief and Carole practically deflated.

"No, of course. You don't need me, you've got your own little fashion guru right up there." This was elicited further as she pushed her fingers against my forehead, causing me to look to my dad for help once again.

"Well, let's let Kurt get to it! Come on, Carole, I need your help in the garden with . . . something."

\------

 

I stood in front of my full-length mirror, an innocent giggle rising from within like a bubble until it eventually escaped as a wide smile spread across my face. I was going to dinner with Blaine.

I was going to dinner with Blaine Anderson.

I was going to dinner with Blaine Anderson and nothing could ruin this moment.

Just as I was about to finish rolling the sleeves down on my black shirt, my dad knocked and entered my room, "Hey Bud, you ready?" His warm smile was all that mattered for a moment, until it was ruined by worry lines and turned down lips. I turned to him, just in time to allow alarm to flash in both of our eyes, "Kurt, you don't have to keep changing those bandages. They'll have healed by now." He swallowed nervously, beginning to wring his hands, "Kurt?" I couldn't do anything, I couldn't say anything. Insults just kept flying around my head, all aimed at myself. I was so stupid, such an idiot, so useless. Of course he'd notice, he's my father! Burt fixed his hat awkwardly, beginning to walk closer as he reached for my hands, "Here, we have time, I'll take them off. This way you don't have to look at them."

Unable to refuse, I followed him into the bathroom, my head bowed in shame. He was right, I couldn't watch, but not for the reasons he was hoping for.

My dad began to unwrap the bandages, I could tell that he was so very close to falling apart. He was coming undone with every twist of the bandages, especially when he started to see red lines poking through. When the bandages had been discarded completely, he could only stare in horror.

"Kurt, these . . . These are new, Kurtie."

Unable to think, unable to process, I ran from the bathroom, stopping only to grab my white Docs from their position next to my mirror and my phone from the bedside table. I ran from my room, I ran from the house. Phone and shoes in hand, I was glad to see Blaine pulling up outside the house and ran straight for his car. My feet stung every time they hit the ground, protected only by thin socks.

Throwing on a grin, I opened the door and clambered in, making sure to look happy as I then began to pull my shoes on.

"Oh, hello! You're terribly punctual, aren't you?" Blaine teased, smiling as he noticed my socked feet, "I was kind of hoping to have to go in and meet your dad." This caused me to freeze and look up at him, I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. If so, that would be a first. "I'm joking, of course, he looks terrifying. Anyway, how come you're so punctual that you forgot shoes?"

"Um, my step-brother was teasing me." Go on, Kurt, just lie. Why not? It's not like you're going on a date with this person and should trust him enough to tell the truth.

 

I sat across from Blaine at Breadstix, a smile lingering across both of our faces as we waited for our order, "So, tell me about yourself. I know we haven't just met but treat this as though we have."

A blush flashed across my cheeks as our eyes met and he refused to break contact, I eventually dropped my head before beginning to 'tell him about myself'. "My name is Kurt Elizabeth Hummel, I go to Dalton Academy. I'm really not very interesting."

Blaine butted in almost immediately with a sweet chuckle and a mock yawn, his eyes glazed over with mischief, "You're right, that stuff isn't interesting. I meant deeper things than that, the real Kurt Elizabeth Hummel. How do you think? Who are you? What's important to you?"

I could trust him, surely. I could trust him.

"I- I see the world differently to other people because, well, it's because I'm sad. The world is a very dark place when you're Kurt Hummel." Bowing my head gently, the blush returned as I considered what to say next, "I speak to my mum, sometimes. When I don't know what to do or when, well, when I'm sad. It helps, it comforts me. I'm not terribly close with my dad, I was always a mother's boy. When I feel lost, I talk to her."

I could see the smile dancing in Blaine's eyes, I was opening up, and he obviously found it mesmerising. "One time, after you ran from the group when you were scared, I found you. You were panicking, you were crying. You asked if I was your mum. Were you expecting her, had you called her?"

This, admittedly, took me by surprise. I didn't really know how to respond to a comment like that. "Excuse me?"

Blaine repeated his statement again, obviously confused as to why I'd asked for confirmation. Normally, this would be such a simple yes-or-no question. In this case, it was anything but simple. Complicated would be the understatement of the century. "Had you called her to come and get you?"

My eyes began to well with tears, threatening to tumble and topple and fall headlong into this mess, this dark void that always surrounded me. I'd very much enjoyed the book, 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' and in that moment, I felt like adding to Oskar's Reservoir of Tears. "In a way, but Blaine, my mother's dead." As I attempted to swallow a lump in my throat, my hand reached up to fiddle with the keys around my collar, having to be playing with something had always been a nervous tick of mine.

"Kurt, I didn't know, I'm so sorry. Wait, how did you call her?" Blaine's face clouded over with confusion, clarity seemed to cease for him in that instant. "I don't understand."

Deep breath in, deep breath out. I'd seen a counsellor once, after she died. They said that whenever I was going to talk about it, I should try to calm down first. Apparently, I have a lot of pent-up anger towards the situation. Who knew?

"Blaine, at that moment, I wanted to join her."

Silence, for a second. Blaine was quick to question, quick to worry. The initial silence had been shock and nothing more. The terror on his face, the quiver in his jaw, it was evident and I had caused it! "Do you want to join her often."

This simply brought a long, sad smile to paint across my face with cautious, weary strokes of the brush. He cared, and it was sweet. "Yes, because she's my mother and I want to be with her. It's not usually for the other reason."

"Good," Blaine let out a breath that he didn't seem to realise he'd been holding. His hands were still shaking though they reached across the table to capture mine in his grasp, "at this point, Kurt, I don't think I could handle losing you." It was now my turn to be hardly able to breathe, I could hardly continue.

That was the sweetest thing anyone had ever said to me.

"Thank you, Blaine, for understanding. It's never going to be okay, but it's better now." He simply grinned, a proud expression tracing his features as he decided that although this conversation was over, he'd bring it up again soon.

Blaine let go of my hand to run it through his slicked back hair and then wipe it on his napkin. It was obvious that he'd forgotten the extent of his hair gel habits. "It's my pleasure. My turn!"

I couldn't help but giggle softly at his desire to share everything with me, I'd been so cautious yet Blaine only wanted to share everything, to be an open book, "Go ahead."

"Well . . . My name is Blaine Devon Anderson and my music taste is literally everything that's somewhat catchy . . ."  
  
  


We laughed and we smiled and we talked and at the end, the extraordinary happened.

"So, Kurt. This is a date? Right?"

I nodded slowly, I mean, I guessed so? We went ice skating, got coffee, went for dinner. Surely this would class as a date.

"Right, well, I just want to say that I really like you and I think- no, I know. What I'm trying to say is, would you, Kurt Hummel, be my boyfriend?"

I'd fallen for him, this was true. I'd practically soared through an open window, cracked my chest open and revealed my heart. I'd never been so open at McKinley for years and yet I felt I could tell Blaine anything in only a month or two. Letting go of myself, handing my soul to Blaine on a silver platter, I trusted him with my world.

I had no idea how to react, what does one do in that situation? I'd never thought I'd have to deal with this so soon. All I knew was that I wanted to say yes. I wanted, so badly, to say yes but my mouth wouldn't form the words so instead, I leaned forwards.

Butterflies, our lips hadn't touched and already my stomach was turning and flipping and tumbling and twirling as the realisation struck me that this would be my first kiss.

As soon as Blaine cupped my face and carefully connected his lips with mine, warmth flew around my body, catching like wildfire. It started in my cheeks as Blaine's fingertips brushed gently against my skin and warmed to my chest as my heart caught alight.

We'd never seemed so real.

In all, the moment lasted a few seconds, it was short but it was sweet, and it felt so much longer.


	21. You're Not Innocent

"Come on, Nick! I wanted to be Peach!" Even just walking up to the common room doors, it was quite evident that the boys were getting ready for an extensive Mario Kart tournament as these characters were obviously going to mean something.

Nick's voice could be heard in response as Blaine led me towards the doors, hands swinging together at our sides as wide smiles adorned our faces. "Jeff, just this once, please?"

Blaine paused for a moment, grinning at me as we waited outside to see where this was going. He knew that if he walked in, they'd probably just get him to solve it for them. "Fine, I guess that makes me Mario." I couldn't help but laugh at Jeff's resigned tone, he loved Peach but it was obvious that he'd do anything his boyfriend asked of him.

"Not necessarily," It was also obvious that David had no idea what was going on or why Nick being Peach made it compulsory for Jeff to be Mario. He, like most people, didn't really pay attention to their weird 'couple traditions'.

Moving slowly and cautiously, Blaine pushed the door open slightly so that we could actually see what was going on as the conversation wasn't exactly making much sense without being able to see their faces.

Rolling his eyes in contempt, Jeff simply muttered something about not taking him seriously under his breath before continuing with, "Yes necessarily, David. We play Mario Kart for couples, we've told you this countless times." He accentuated his point by wrapping an arm around Nick's waist and nuzzling into his neck with a little smile.

At this point, Blaine slipped his hand back into mine and the other around my tummy from behind. Unfortunately, the second arm merely caused me to tense up as I started to worry that he would feel my layers of fat and leave me in disgust.

This caused David to scoff, imitating Jeff rolling his eyes though affection was definitely the emotion behind his smile rather than the disdain from the blonde boy. He got down on one knee and offered his hand delicately to Wes, a cheeky smirk glimmering across his features as he cleared his throat, "In which case, Wesley, would you be the Luigi to my Daisy?" This caused Wes' face to practically light up as he played along with his friend's teasing.

Blaine pulled me further against his chest until my back was against it as he kissed the exposed skin on my neck absentmindedly, resting his chin on my shoulder. I still couldn't get the thought out of my head that he'd suddenly pull away once he realised how fat I was. I'd just eaten and my stomach was anything but flat. I hadn't been able to get to a bathroom yet.

Wes pulled David back to a standing position before throwing his arms around his neck and kissing his cheek jokingly, "Of course I would!" His voice had came out as a squeaky giggle and Blaine and I were practically incapable of staying quiet from our position behind the door.

Jeff rolled his eyes again and let go of Nick to put his hands on his hips, a little fed up with his friends' behaviour and with waiting for them to sit down for the Mario Kart tournament to begin, "You two are meant to be the straight ones!"

The two boys fell into a heap of giggles on the sofa before David finally composed himself enough to say, "Nothing wrong with experimenting, Jeffy. Wasn't that how you got Nick to go out with you?"

Letting out a horrified gasp, Jeff threw a pillow at David as his cheeks flamed and his eyes flared. Blaine had told me the story, that Jeff had had a crush on Nick for their first year at Dalton and had accepted the fact that it was hopeless. Nick was straight, that was the end of it. Until one day when Nick came to Jeff and said that he thought he might be gay. According to legend, Jeff had been more than happyto help Nick _experiment._ Nick had eventually fallen for Jeff after a brief stint with Sebastian Smythe when the two had had an argument and run straight back to the bleached blonde Warbler.

I realised at this point that Blaine was struggling to see as he'd demanded I go in front and tried to step out of the way slightly. All I managed to do was trip both Blaine and I over until we fell into the door, Blaine's hands wrapped around my elbows to stop me from falling as my legs practically slipped out from under me between his. Blaine's face was one of sheer terror as he swallowed in relief before pulling me upright and into his arms. His hand ran over my cheek as he pressed his lips against my cheek reassuringly.

"Well, hello." We pulled away as Blaine seemed to remember that we hadn't fallen into an empty room. Looking up to see the boys staring at us, I noticed that a few of the other Warblers were also in the room, including Sebastian and Hunter.

Clearing my throat, I pulled at my sleeves anxiously as Blaine greeted the boys awkwardly and announced that we were not only back, but also going up to the dorm as we were tired. I was so thankful as I really hadn't felt like explaining that to them, especially not with Hunter and Sebastian in the room. I liked Sebastian but I didn't really trust Blaine around him and I wasn't very comfortable with Hunter as I hardly knew the boy.

Once we'd arrived at the dorm, Blaine shut the door behind himself and burst out laughing as he approached me. "Well, we certainly made an entrance!" I couldn't help but giggle at that as Blaine watched my face,  a warm smile growing before faltering slightly.

"Kurt, I have to ask you something. I know you're not very comfortable talking about being sad but I think we need to."

I panicked, immediately panic coursed through my body because I knew I was going to cry again. I didn't want to cry again, ever, but I didn't know how to get out of this situation.

"Outside the common room, earlier. I felt your ribs, Kurt. That's not healthy and I think we should talk about it." Blaine began stepping closer, backing me against the bed until I felt it hit the backs of my calves and sat down cautiously.

I gave no reply.

"Kurt? Come on, Kurt. You can't just stop talking to me again!"

Nothing.

"Kurt! You're meant to talk to me, that's the point of this!"

Nothing, again.

Blaine sighed in frustration though sat next to me gently, taking one of my hands and getting my attention by pulling my face to be looking at his, "Kurt, when was the last time you ate something?"

"Tonight, with you." I gulped cautiously, hoping that he'd just accept this answer and drop it though I knew Blaine. There wasn't a hope in hell.

"Other than tonight, when was the last time you ate something?" His eyes, his eyes were breaking. It was like the colour was leaking from his irises and dripping down his cheeks like tears as all of the golden youth ran from his face and was replaced by a dull, empty grey.

I couldn't lie to him, if he continued then I didn't think I'd be able to do it. "This morning."

"Other than tonight, when was the last time you ate something and kept it down?" Blaine's face, his dapper shell, it was cracking.

Nothing, once more.

"Kurt?"

The words ghosted my lips, barely a whisper as I hung my head in shame and chewed on my bottom lip anxiously, "I don't remember."

He wiped at his eyes and I realised then that he was actually crying, it wasn't just the colours anymore. Real tears traced the cracks in his shell. "Oh, Kurt." Blaine's voice faltered as it sounded as though his heart were breaking. He wrapped his arms around my neck and rested his chin on my shoulder as I brushed my thumb back and forth over his arm.

I knew that I had to tell him, I couldn't keep it inside any longer.

"Blaine?"

Looking up briefly, just long enough to make a small noise to tell me to continue, Blaine closed his eyes again to listen, simply unable to look at my unresponsive face.

"Do you remember when I said I'd never hurt myself before?"

He smiled softly, memories of that night under the stars flooding to the backs of his eyelids as he nuzzled his face into the exposed skin of my neck. "Of course. I'd been so worried and then to hear it was just a one off, I was so relieved."

I didn't want to do it, I didn't want to tarnish his happy memory but I couldn't keep lying. I couldn't keep hating myself for it everyday. "Blaine, I . . . I lied."

"What?"

Taking in a deep breath, I squeezed my eyes shut and summoned as much strength as possible to help me with this. "My dad sent me to Dalton after someone put me in the hospital. It was because they found out about my arms."

Blaine seemed shocked, eyes flying open to stare at my face as if he couldn't quite believe that whatever it was had gone on long enough to hospitalise me. "Kurt, I . . . I don't quite know what to say . . ."

Sobs suddenly wracked my body as I broke down. I couldn't keep hiding how I really felt.

It was _exhausting._

"I hate everything about myself Blaine." I paused, shuddering as the sobs wracked my body, "I blame myself for everything and I always have to fight myself not to just give up. I was early tonight because I had to run out of the house when my dad found my new cuts! It's a constant battle that I just can't win, Blaine. I don't even really want to be here anymore."

Silence, for the longest moment Blaine said nothing. I eventually glanced up to find that pain was practically painted over his features in hurried, messy strokes.

"What happened to you, Kurt? You're so beautiful, your soul especially, you don't deserve any of this." I could tell that he was trying to make me say it, explain what had gone so terribly wrong.

So I did.

Though, to be perfectly honest, it wasn't because I loved or trusted him. I told him because I just couldn't keep hiding it anymore.

"It started out at school, everyone always said that I wasn't good enough because I was gay and rumours spread pretty quickly about my eyes 'wandering' in the locker rooms. Then someone got my number and started texting me, saying that I should just give up."

"Yes, but the cutting, Kurt? It just seems like a step further."

"They hit me, everyday, repetitively. What was a few more injuries?" He let out a sharp gasp, horrified by what I'd said. I had to continue, "I used a razor . . . I use a razor. I started wearing long sleeves all the time and no one noticed. I even tried to kill myself once, but then I woke up on the bathroom floor. I was still breathing and no one had even thought to look for me."

Blaine's face was one of disgust, one of shock, "Kurt, oh my god! They didn't even notice? You didn't tell anyone?"

"They didn't care." I hung my head and let a sad smile linger on my face before falling when the foundations collapsed. "It's too late for me, Blaine. You may as well leave me now."

Simply shaking his head, Blaine took my face in both hands and pulled me forward until I was mere centimetres from him, "I will teach you to love the stars you're under, Kurt. Even if it's the only thing I ever do."


	22. Last Hope

It had been a week since Blaine and I had gotten together and already it had been the best week I'd had in a long time. He was so considerate and caring, he treated me as if I was just a normal person, instead of a person whose world crumbled around them.

We were sat in the Warbler common room, cuddled into each other on the sofa as I played with Blaine's fingers distractedly when Wes walked into the room. Just his presence commanded the silence of the other Warblers, Sectionals were coming up and they knew that solos would be chosen soon.

Clapping his hands together, Wes sat at the long table and hit the gavel against the podium just to assure the attention of the show choir. "Alright boys, as I'm sure you're all aware, Sectionals are in just two weeks. Now, it's probably no surprise to you that our reigning soloist, Blaine Anderson, will be singing lead;" Blaine stood and bowed at this point, gaining laughter from his cohorts and a blush from me when he sat down, planting his lips on my cheek sweetly, "Yes, thank you Mr Anderson, though what I'm about to say next probably is a bit of a surprise." Eighteen uniform-clad boys leaned forwards, some of them practically falling from their seats in their anticipation of what was about to be said next. The Warblers were a traditional bunch, things weren't different very often. "Blaine's requested that he sings only one of our three songs. One of the other two will be a duet between Mr Anderson and one other person, this same person will be getting the other solo song."

Excited voices suddenly filled the space, drowning out what Wes had said next until he had to use the gavel to gain their attention, "Warblers! Patience, please. We will be starting auditions for our new soloist tomorrow. I hope to see all of you in attendance." With that, Wes stood and walked around the table, coming directly towards us, "I especially look forward to your performance, Mr Hummel." He threw a kind smile in my direction before allowing David to lead him from the room and leave the other Warblers to discuss their audition choices.

"Do you want me to help you with your audition song?" Blaine was suddenly grinning as took my hands and leaned closer to whisper into my ear, "I really want you to win, Kurt." I shivered at this as his breath flowed over the skin on my neck and his lips brushed my ear lobe.

This caused confusion to cross my face, just as it had when Wes had spoken to me, "I wasn't really intending to audition." Staring at me in shock, Blaine backed away slightly and dropped my hands as though he couldn't fathom why I wouldn't want, not only a solo with the Warblers but also, a duet with him.

"What? Why? I don't understand." He looked around at the other boys who were so excited at the news, trying to see if there was anyone else who didn't seem to want it.

I took a breath before beginning to explain myself, "There are plenty of other people in here who deserve the solo so much more Blaine. I've only been here for a month or two but they've been in the Warblers for years," Following him in looking around the room, I pointed out Jeff who was beaming from ear to ear as he ran through song choices with his boyfriend, "Look how happy Jeff is just to be getting an opportunity! Not that I think I'd win, I'm not good enough for that, I just wouldn't want to take it from them."

Blaine allowed a content smile to flicker onto his face as he realised that I wasn't unwilling to sing with him, just unwilling to take this from someone who deserved it more, "Kurt, it's lovely that you're thinking of them and all, but I asked Wes to do this for you. I want to sing with my boyfriend in front of everyone."

"Oh."

He started grinning as he jumped onto his knees on the sofa and reached a hand forward to brush it over my hair and rub the skin behind my ear with his thumb absentmindedly, "Yeah, oh, now what are you going to sing?"

"In that case, I may have an idea, but I want to do this by myself Blaine. I don't want to win because I've got the lead Warbler fighting my case and teaching me the tricks. I'm going to the auditorium to practise." I wasn't going to let Blaine do anything for me by telling the Warbler Counsel to choose me, I would do it by myself.

Blaine didn't quite understand what I'd said, as if he'd forgotten that Dalton even had an auditorium, "But the Warblers do their practising in here? The auditions will be in here."

"Yes, but I want it to be a surprise."

Allowing another wide grin to grow on his face, Blaine shrugged and grabbed my hand when I stood to leave, "Fine, but can I have a kiss first?" Pursing his lips cheekily, he squeezed his eyes shut as if actually waiting for me to kiss him.

My cheeks flamed, I could see the other Warblers watching us from the corner of their eyes curiously. Almost reluctantly, I leaned down and went to peck his cheek though Blaine turned his head at the last second and caught my lips. My eyes flew open in panic and light flooded my retinas as I jumped away, seeing a smirk cross Blaine's face and hearing whistles erupt from our fellow Warblers. Running from the room, I realised that I wasn't mad at Blaine, just at myself for making it seem awkward by being reluctant in the first place. I stopped outside the room and leaned against the wall, raising my fingers to my lips in a daze. It was just a quick peck, nothing special, yet all I wanted to do was dance.

I practically skipped the rest of the way to the auditorium, setting my bag down on the piano once inside and finding the right sheet music.

I knew just the piece.  
  
  


Sitting at the piano in the Warbler practise room, all of the air practically left my body as my mouth started to feel dry and empty. I wasn't sure if I could do this, I mean _I don't even know myself at all_ , was I ready? _I'd thought I would be happy by now_ but even with Blaine, I wasn't sure if what I was doing was the right thing.

Every eye was on me as I poured my heart out onto the floor in front of their feet. Kurt Hummel, the quiet boy who no one quite understood, was providing an explanation.

As the music flowed from my fingertips, it became obvious to me that _the more I try to push it I realised_ I had to let my emotions speak for themselves, I had to _let go of control_ and just _let it happen._ I wasn't acting, this song meant the world to me, I actually felt these emotions. 

Why push it down anymore? Especially when I can use it to my advantage in this situation, after all, _it's just a spark._

My eyes closed as the world around me stopped moving and turned dark, as if _no one were around._ I realised, in this moment, that _it kept glowing._ Whenever _I tried my best to dream_ that _tomorrow would make it better_ I always _woke up to the_ _cold reality that not a thing had changed._ One day, though, one day _it will happen._

I could do this, I could keep going. I had Sebastian, I had Jeff, Nick, Wes, David. Most importantly, I had my dad and I had Blaine.

 _The salt in my wounds wasn't burning anymore than it used to,_ things weren't getting worse anymore. They were still bad, obviously, a relationship didn't automatically make all of my problems disappear. _It's not that I didn't feel the pain, I just wasn't afraid of hurting anymore_. _The blood in my veins wasn't pumping any less than it ever had,_ I could keep going because that was the _only thing I knew that was keeping me alive._

 _I can be strong if I keep my eyes closed with the blind hope_ that everything gets better.

The music eventually stopped and everything was stripped away. The Warblers were still stood there, silence held the room, though _it kept glowing._

That was when I noticed that heavy tear tracks were streaming down my cheeks and my vision was blurry with tears. Nobody had moved, not one soul. The eyes remained on me as I stood from the piano stool, my gaze fixed on the ground.

Eventually, Sebastian began to clap as he stood from where he was perched on the arm of the sofa and began making his way over to me. Blaine had been shaken from his daze by this and jumped up but was too late to get to me first as Sebastian wrapped his arms around my small frame tightly, letting out raggedy breaths and whispering into my ear, "That was beautiful, Kurt."

I could see Blaine, arms crossed and a look of thunder aimed at the back of Sebastian's head. I didn't let go though, Sebastian was one of my best friends and I really needed a hug. There was no harm in that.  
  
  


The phone rang, and it rang, and it rang.

I was about to give up when I heard it eventually connect and allowed my breath to leave my body in a shaky, "Dad?"

"Oh, Kurtie. I'm so sorry for getting mad at you . . ."

All I needed was his voice.


	23. Clarity

It had been another week since the auditions for solos as the Warblers gathered in their choir room to find the lucky individual who would be getting a chance to sing not only a solo, but also with Blaine Anderson.

The rumble of voices seemed deafening as I sat with Blaine, listening to him talk through ideas he'd had for the duet.

Silence eventually fell over the room as Wes entered to sit at the long table and I realised that we'd come full circle. You could practically smell the nerves and hope lying in the air as the Warblers awaited impatiently for their Head Counsel member to either crush their dream or send them flying.

"We've deliberated long and hard over this decision,  trying to not only base it on ability but also willingness to cooperate and dedication to the Warblers." A smile flickered across his face as he watched the boys in the room urging him to continue, his Warblers. He knew he'd be proud of them no matter what they did after Dalton, "We want you all to remember that here with the Warblers at Dalton, hard work and commitment is rewarded." Wes paused again, his smile dying for a moment as he remembered that this was to be his last year with the boys, "With that said, I'm sure you'd all like to know who we've chosen?"

Outraged murmurs filled the room as it was realised that our prestigious leaders would milk this for all they could.

Merely smirking, Wes pulled a golden envelope from the folder he'd carried in with him. "Contestants! Form a line before the table please. Blaine, could you come and stand up here?" He beckoned his friend, leaving Blaine to let out a short chuckle as his hand left mine and he turned to stand behind Wes' shoulder.

Only six people, not including myself, formed a line. It seemed that most Warblers were happy to harmonise for their friends as everyone had been helping each other to practise. The Warblers had really turned themselves around from the group who simply followed Blaine when I'd first arrived.

"Could James Kirk, Flint Wilson, Nicholas Hudson and Trent Nixon step forwards, please?" Nothing could be read from the faces of those Warblers lucky enough to be able to peer over Wes' shoulder, though as cruel as it sounds, I felt safe. It would be Sebastian's group that I would look out for, as he stood two people down the line from me. He was the talent and would probably be the winner.

A sad smile passed over Wes' face before he revealed their fate, "I'm afraid you won't be getting the solo, though your auditions were spectacular and will be remembered for another time."

Watching their faces as they walked away, I could see that they weren't discouraged, they weren't even that disappointed. It was lovely, watching them join the crowd of others and suddenly start rooting for us, as if they preferred the idea of us winning than them in the first place.

"Jeffrey S. Sterling, Jeff, Jeffy, Peach in Mario Kart." I watched as Wes' apologetic smile switched to one of pride, "Our little twink." It was an affectionate nickname, after all, Jeff had bestowed it onto himself. I could see that he almost couldn't handle the pressure, hopping about from one foot to the other as Wes took his time in replying, "I'm afraid you won't be the soloist, Jeffy." The blonde Warbler's face fell, his movement ceased as he studied Wes' face in shock, unable to comprehend that his friend had just led him on in such a way.

"Jeff, smile! You're still getting a solo, just not the big one." Jeff's head snapped upwards at this point as a wide grin spread over his cheeks before an excited squeak left his lips when bouncing over to his boyfriend.

Nick accepted with open arms, kissing his cheek repeatedly as small, 'I told you so, Jeffy's could be heard. It really was a touching sight.

A hand locked with mine, interlacing our fingers and forcing me to look up to see Sebastian. He smirked down at me and mouthed, 'good luck' as we waited for Wes to continue. Blaine could be seen fuming slightly with jealousy though I didn't let go, knowing that I needed the stability of Sebastian to keep me from passing out.

"If you two have any form of intuition you'll know that one of you is getting the solo and the other is getting the same deal as our darling Jeff." Sebastian's hand squeezed mine tighter as he felt me begin to tremble slightly.

"Blaine? Would you do the honours?"

Stepping around the table, Blaine threw me a quick smile before turning his attention on the Warbler he liked the least, "Sebastian Smythe . . . I look forward to hearing you sing at some point. Kurt Hummel . . . I look forward to singing with you at Sectionals."

The world went silent as the Warblers around erupted into cheers, rushing forwards and enveloping me in congratulatory hugs. Sebastian's hand was ripped from mine though it wasn't long before Blaine had cleared the crowd and attacked me with a bear hug, peppering my face with light kisses as pride bubbled from his eyes in the form of glistening tears.

\------

 

Before long, Sectionals had rolled around and the nerves began practically diffusing through my skin.

We'd settled on 'Candles', by Hey Monday for our duet as we felt that it really helped to express everything we'd been through, I became far more emotional with songs I related to.

Blaine rolled his eyes as he watched me pace back and forth in the green room behind the stage, the fear of performing alone in front of so many people was finally starting to sink in. After a few more lengths of the room, Blaine stood and intercepted me before I could tire myself out and ran his hands down my arms until our fingers were interlocked. "Kurt, calm down. You've had solos with the New Directions before, right?" His soothing eyes remained fixed on mine as he tried desperately to get me to just look at his face.

I gulped loudly, taking long breaths in an attempt to calm myself down before answering, "No."

"What?" This seemed to throw Blaine, as if he couldn't imagine a person like me ever blending into the background. He was somewhat right, at McKinley, everyone knew me as the only gay kid in the school and it was painstakingly obvious. When performing in designated outfits, at Dalton in uniform, I found it a lot easier to get by unnoticed.

My eyes remained cast downwards, refusing to look upon his face as I knew that I'd melt, "Rachel and Finn got all of the solos, I was always just set harmonising with the sopranos because they didn't know what to do with my range." I felt a finger hook under my chin, pressing upwards slightly and forcing my eyes to meet his for just a second. In that second, I felt trust and I felt happiness and I felt like for once, maybe I wasn't the unnecessary addition to the group.

Once again, Blaine couldn't seem to comprehend why they'd left me in the background for so long, "But, you're amazing Kurt! Do you know how rare trained countertenors are? You haven't even been specially  trained and just listen to you!"

I found it hard to concentrate as he leaned forwards and began to peck my lips playfully, fighting for my attention and winning as the thoughts racing around my head calmed immediately, almost as if drugged, "We had Rachel Berry." Pulling away, I turned to walk over to the dresser and stare into the mirror, focusing on my eyes and forcing them to look happy. I'd gotten good at that over the last year.

"I still think your talent was wasted in the New Directions." Blaine watched me intently, his brows furrowed in confusion as he watched me attempt to plaster a smile onto my face before realisation dawned across his features.

Raising his voice slightly in order to make sure I listened to him, Blaine called for me, "Kurt?" A smile washing over his face when I glanced up at him in the mirror, a small noise of confirmation escaping my closed lips, "Come over here and kiss me." A blush rose across my pale cheeks and when I didn't move, Blaine walked up behind me and wrapped his arms delicately around my stomach, knowing not to squeeze too much in case I started to feel nauseous.

 

'Candles' went perfectly, we sounded so much better than we ever had in rehearsal. Though when the lights around Blaine dimmed as he joined the group of Warblers, leaving me standing alone for my solo, all of the panic set in again.

Looking down to the back of my hand, where Blaine had written ' _Courage_ ' in his cursive handwriting encouraged me to take a deep breath and begin singing.

I went for it, just decided to _high dive into the frozen waves_ of the song and listened to the music _as the past came back to life_. The last time that I was at a Sectionals was with the New Directions, back when I only wanted to end it all. We'd lost, to top it all off, but I had to _fight fear and the selfish pain_ to keep going. The Warblers needed me to stay strong just for these three minutes or so. To be honest? _It's worth it every time,_ just for the feeling you get from singing to the dark audience.

The melody flowed from me as if made for that specific purpose as I braced myself for the impact, _holding still right before crashing because I knew how this ended. The clock ticks 'til it breaks the glass and I drown in emotion again._   Except, it didn't happen. The music kept coming and although the tears began to trickle down my cheeks, it wasn't because I was sad. 

Glancing to Blaine, I found myself smiling when seeing how proud he looked, not only of the Warblers but also of me. He started to join me on the chorus, as we'd agreed when I'd panicked that my voice wasn't strong enough, although he'd tried to persuade me dozens of times that it was.

 _He was the piece of me_   that I really needed sometimes, _my remedy, my clarity_ when the rest of the world only brought _tragedy and insanity._

Blaine helped me _walk through my red parade_   of scars, helping me fix myself even when the weight of the world had _cut so deep through our ground and made us forget all common sense._

I knew that I wasn't healthy, that one day I'd probably _try to leave.  We both knew I'd choose to eventually._ I was scared of leaving Blaine, but also scared that he was starting to mean too much for me to leave.  _If  he kept pulling then I_ wouldn't push deep enough and _I'd_ _fall right back_ into his arms again.

Blaine made sense. Blaine brought me _clarity._

 

Racing over to engulf me in his arms once we'd left the stage, Jeff's face held one of the widest grins I'd ever seen as he dived for me, "Kurt! You were so amazing! Oh my god, you and Blaine need to sing together for every performance ever now!"

I couldn't help but giggle slightly as I saw Blaine behind Jeff, seemingly mildly annoyed that he hadn't been able to get to his boyfriend before the hyperactive whirlwind that was, Jeffrey Sterling.

Opening my mouth to speak, I found that my throat tried to lock though fought through it, knowing that I wanted to thank Jeff for everything, "Thank you, Jeff. You were great too, just like always." My eyes followed the blonde's as he snapped his head upwards in shock after just catching the practically inaudible words.

A piercing shriek left Jeff's lips as he jumped backwards to stare at me, "Kurt spoke! Like, real, actual, spoken words!" His excitement drew the attention of every other Warbler in the vicinity, "Kurt Hummel actually spoke words, and life is suddenly better!" He grinned at me as stepped back and gave a proud Blaine the chance to swoop in to wrap his arms around my waist protectively whilst the other Warblers hollered ecstatically.

His face remained inches from mine as he studied my features, trying to deduce whether I was actually happy or just pretending. Once sure that my smile was genuine, he pressed a delicate kiss to my cheek and mumbled, "I'm so proud of you," against my cool skin.


	24. Thinking Out Loud

"And the winners of the Ohio Sectionals are . . ."

I stood with the Warblers, glancing across at my ex-teammates every now and again to see them clutching at each others dresses and shirts. The Warblers, even in their nerves, held their composure. We stood tall, hands clasped in front of us whilst we awaited out fate.

"The New Directions!"

Shrieks echoed throughout the auditorium as the New Directions began to jump around, grinning widely and hugging each other. The Warblers simply smiled graciously towards them, shaking the hands of the New Directions members who came over.

In an instant, I was engulfed in a warm hug by Finn, looking up to see him grinning at me. He leaned forwards to whisper, "You were amazing, Kurt." Before squeezing my shoulder and running back to his girlfriend. I watched as he lifted her onto his shoulder, spinning her around and watching the wide smiles spread around the group as Rachel hefted the trophy above her head.

It was then that I realised I was smiling too, I wasn't disappointed, I was really happy for them.

"Kurt? You are allowed to go and talk to them?" Feeling a hand on my back, I glanced up to see Blaine as he ushered me across the stage to my old show choir. He eventually stepped back once he'd left me on the outskirts of the throng of McKinley students, leaving me to speak with my friends on my own.

Only, I couldn't do it. I turned to walk away immediately, passing a confused Blaine Anderson without a word. I worried that Mercedes would still hate me for what I'd said at Puck's party and what if they resented me for leaving?

* * *

 

Blaine pulled me close to him as soon as we'd escaped the Warbler choir room, where an overly-excited Jeff was attempting to entice everyone with Disney karaoke. He brushed a delicate hand over my hair and led me to his bed with a small smile lighting his features.

Pushing me down onto the bed, Blaine's eyes smiled from his cheeks as he removed his blazer and joined me. His face came close to mine as he seemed to be asking for a kiss, and so I tentatively jutted my chin forwards until my lips brushed his pink ones carefully; the taste of his love flooded my senses. Blaine grinned as we pulled apart, watching my face for any sign of hesitation before his gaze dropped to my lips once again, "Kurt Hummel, you truly are a thing of wonder."

Blaine Anderson, please, kiss me under the light of a thousand stars.  
  
  
  


I awoke in Blaine's arms the next day, my head ever his beating heart, having fallen asleep beside him after quite a generous amount of kissing.

Looking up, I saw my phone buzzing on his bedside table and managed to reach across for it without waking the sleeping boy wrapped around me. I forgot to check the caller ID before answering as I hadn't wanted it to wake Blaine and I knew he'd sleep through me whispering, "Hello?"

A gleeful voice came crackling down the line, "Kurt! It's Finn, look, we were wondering if you wanted to drop by after school today and join our glee celebrations? You're still thought of as an honourary New Direction and Mr Shue really wants to talk about your solo yesterday. What do you say?" I wriggled out of Blaine's grasp to sit up, feeling almost as if Finn would be able to tell someone was sleeping beside me. When Blaine rolled over to grab my waist and pull me back down, letting out a loud sigh as I shrieked slightly in shock, I was certain that Finn had picked it up, "Kurt? What just happened?"

Glaring at Blaine, I quickly answered Finn before he started to think that something was actually going on and told my dad, "Hmm? Oh! Nothing, don't worry about it, I just tripped."

"Morning, Kurtie." Blaine opened his eyes sleepily and leaned over to press a long kiss against my cheek, smiling as I accepted and took his hand with my free one almost instinctively. Hoping that Finn hadn't heard any of that, I brushed my thumb over the back of Blaine's hand and watched him drift gently back to a light sleep.

There was a pause before Finn started speaking, obviously thinking this over and I could make out him whispering to someone else in the background though not what they were saying. "Kurt? Is someone in bed with you?"

Gulping worriedly, I practically dropped Blaine's hand in shock and frantically searched for an excuse, "What? No, don't be absurd! Thanks for the offer, Finn, I'll definitely be there but I really have to go now." I found myself chewing my lip nervously as I awaited his reply, practically praying to the God I didn't believe in that it would be left at that and nothing else would happen.

"Okay, well, bye Kurt." Finn's voice had an edge of distrust to it and I could tell that I wasn't going to escape questioning later.

Smiling to myself, I started to bid my brother my farewell, "Bye Fi- Blaine!" Without leaving me a chance to react, Blaine had taken the phone from me in his sleepy daze. He glanced at the caller as I tried anxiously to snatch it back from him, knowing full well that it was unlikely he could be stopped.

"Go away, Finn Hudson-whoever-you-are, we're sleeping." Ending the call and throwing the phone over onto my bed, Blaine snuggled down into his pillow, looking up at me after a minute or two of silence. "What? We've got a free period first, we don't need to be up for another hour." I could barely believe that he'd just done that but immediately forgave him when he tugged on my cheek and kissed me gently.

"Blaine?"

"Yep?"

"That was my brother."

"Oh . . . Hell."

* * *

 

Mr Schue was the first to see me as I appeared in the door, still decked out in a Dalton blazer and fifteen minutes late. He rushed over to greet me, throwing an arm around my shoulder as he led me to the front of the sea of familiar faces.

Finn looked up when I stepped in front of the group, quickly focused on what was happening as he studied my face for any problems, "What happened, little bro? We started ages ago?"

"I'm, uh, really sorry," My throat kept locking as I tried to speak in front of so many people at once, only really used to talking to Blaine, "My friend, Jeff, he was trying to get me to teach him French." Mr Schue appeared to see the panic on my face as he watched me struggle to answer Finn's question.

He allowed a small, sad smile to play across his cheeks and shrugged slightly,"Ah, well, c'est la vie." Glancing around the room, as if daring anyone to criticise his language skills, Mr Schue eventually turned back to me. He had suddenly switched to having his show choir coach face on and I knew what the next topic of conversation would be, "So, Kurt! Why didn't you ever tell me you could sing like that? You'd have definitely been our third soloist if I knew you had that much talent!"

I could do nothing but blush as the New Directions murmured in agreement, except for Rachel, who merely tried to protest her excellence. "I don't really like solos."

"That's a lie, Teen Gay!" Santana scoffed and caught everyone's attention as soon as she started talking, they all knew better than to ignore the Latina from Hell, "We all saw your face, you looked happier than we've ever seen you." After expecting an insult, this was a nice surprise, and murmurs of accordance rose again.

Finn remained silent for a moment as the sounds of his fellow glee members died down, only speaking once he was sure everyone would be able to hear him. I watched the wry smile spread across his face and immediately knew what was about to come out, "Well, that could be Blaine making him happy."

"Blaine?" Glancing across to her boyfriend, Rachel allowed her brows to furrow in confusion and looked back at me after a moment, hoping there was an easy explanation.

Puck's features were coated with a smirk and just like that, I knew who Finn had been whispering to on the phone, "The boy he was in bed with this morning and kept trying to hide from Finn even though it was blatantly obvious."

Shock spread across Mercedes' face once she finally looked up at me. To say she hadn't exactly forgiven me after our fight at Puck's party was probably an understatement, "Wait, what? White boy, what the hell?"

A tentative knock sounded at the door to the choir room, causing everyone to glance across and see Blaine raising a hand awkwardly in greeting, "Hey, um, Kurt? You left your phone in the car," He started to walk towards me and passed the device into my hand, hesitating slightly and turning back. He raised his hand gently and allowed his fingers to linger on my arm as he remembered the other thing he'd been about to say, "Oh, also, I was just about to get coffee and I was wondering if you wanted me to bring your usual?"

Nodding cautiously, I just managed to catch Blaine's smile from the corner of my eye as he saw the blush dance its way onto my face. I watched him walk away, allowing a small, contented sigh to leap from my lips and fill the room.

"I'll pay money to bet that that's Blaine! Look how Lady's smiling!" Santana's voice rang out in the silent choir room as pride filled her face and she clutched at Puck. Together, they mimed happy tears as Santana choked out the words, "Our baby's growing up!" This caused the room to break out in laughter as I shifted my weight awkwardly from one foot to the other, knowing that no matter what I said, they wouldn't listen to me.

Puck jumped up from his seat and raced down the steps to interrogate me, prodding a finger into my chest with every question, "Are you official? Is he out? Have you kissed? If Hummel's had sex you owe me thirty bucks, Finn!"

"Puck! He's my little brother!" Standing and heading to the opposite side of me, I was glad that Finn was going to defend my honour . . . Until he actually tried to make it better, "He won't be having sex until he's at least twenty-five and married!" This simply doubled the intensity of the redness of my cheeks as I tried to cover them with my hands in shame.

Santana clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth in distaste, shaking her hand in disapproval on her way to join us at the front of the room, "You're such a hypocrite Finn Hudson."

"Okay! Come on, guys, let's start singing!" It was obvious that Mr Schue was beginning to get agitated as the room seemed far more interested in my love life than they were in actually singing, which was the reason we'd gathered in the first place.

Simply waving the teacher off, Puck managed to keep the focus of the room and continued questioning me, "Not yet, Mr Schue. So, Kurt, does Finn owe me money yet?"

I shook my head furiously at the notion and attempted to brush away any further comments about Blaine and I's relationship, breaking away from the little trio around me and going to take my old seat beside Rachel without hesitating. That is, until I found someone sat there and quickly turned away to sit somewhere else without causing a scene. Everything was different.

"Anyway! Guys, we're here to celebrate our win at Sectionals, Kurt's solo and to catch up with our old friend!" Mr Schue clapped his hands together, glad to have finally caught the attention of his glee club and to have drawn it away from his ex-student's sex life.  
  
  


After many songs and an awkward rendition of 'Run, Joey, Run' by Rachel that no one had really wanted in the first place, it was time to leave. Before this could happen, Mr Schue pulled us into a show circle, me being squeezed between Quinn and Artie, and assured we left full of a feeling of accomplishment, "To the New Directions! Who will be continuing on to Regionals!"

Artie quickly jumped in when he noticed my sad little smile, "And to the Dalton Academy Warblers! Who deserved this just as much as we did, not only for their talent, but also for acknowledging Kurt's talent and letting him sing front and centre with that other handsome boy!" This caused laughter to ring out in our little circle and fill the room as grins lit up the faces around me and we raised our hands together.

I had missed this.

Though I couldn't wait to get outside to Blaine and return to Dalton, away from all of the bad memories McKinley caused.


	25. Your Guardian Angel

The New Directions were staying behind to go over Mr. Schue's critique of their performance at Sectionals and so I left the choir room alone after tight hugs and teary goodbyes. 

Walking down the corridors of McKinley only reminded me of everything that I'd tried so hard to run from and it took everything I had to not fall down and cry in the way I'd done so many times before. It wouldn't be any different and it would certainly fit the legacy McKinley had left on my life.

I left through the front doors, throwing small smiles at any of my old teachers whom I passed and awkwardly nodding at those I hadn't particularly gotten along with. My satchel clung to my side as a lump rose in my throat, seeing the football team leaving at the same time. Casually tossing a ball between each other on the way to their cars, I watched cautiously as the likes of Karofsky and Azimio laughed together. After a few awkward seconds a car horn sounded and I cursed silently as I saw Blaine waving towards me from behind the steering wheel. This caused my tormentors to turn towards the place where the boy was gesturing and catch sight of me on my way to the car.

"Hummel! Long time no see, come over here!" It was obvious that they were trying to sound friendly so as not to arouse suspicion but the threat beneath Karofsky's words was evident. I knew running would make it worse and so smiled weakly at Blaine, attempting to look apologetic as I began to step towards the jocks.

"How have you been?" Azimio smirked as I made my way towards them, beginning to quiver where I stood.

Without warning, Karofsky reached forwards and grabbed my shoulder, pushing me downwards so that he could punch wildly at my stomach. This seemed as if it went on for hours as the others occasionally threw in a few shots when Karofsky would let them though eventually, he shoved me back with such force that it sent me sprawling onto the floor. He began to step closer, a devious smirk dripping from his features when the realisation struck that he was able to kick relentlessly at my small frame.  
\---------------  
Third person POV

Blaine had nodded in understanding when Kurt had started to walk towards his friends, after all, who was Blaine to deny him that? He looked back down at his textbook with a sigh, although Dalton was everything he'd wanted, he sometimes missed the relaxed expectations of his old public school. Upon realising that Kurt was taking longer than expected, he looked up at the rear view mirror only to see his boyfriend being beaten by the band of bullies surrounding him.

Throwing his body from the car frantically, Blaine began to panic and screamed for the boys to stop as he ran towards them. His feet hit the ground almost in slow motion as he watched the large, central figure continue whilst the others turned to face him with looks of disgust coating their faces. Eventually reaching them, Blaine launched himself into the throng of taller, stronger boys in a desperate attempt to take their attention away from Kurt.

The jocks were having none of it. Simply throwing Blaine backwards into another one of their friends, they laughed maliciously, instructing the boy to, "Let him have it, Chris!" After very little deliberation, 'Chris' did exactly that. He swung his fist backwards until sharply jabbing forwards, aiming straight for his face.

Blaine knew that would be leaving a bruise as he struggled to open his eye afterwards and felt it begin to swell shut immediately.

Hoisting him back upwards, the jocks held him tightly by the arms as the two leaders continued to hit and kick at Kurt, largely avoiding his face as if having done this before and knowing to be secretive about it. They forced Blaine to watch, smug smirks saturating their features as they held his head, hearing small whimpers not only coming from Kurt but from Blaine as well as he attempted to turn away.  
\--------------  
Blaine's POV

It probably lasted for a few minutes, though it could easily have been hours.

My throat was dry and my voice was hoarse, having given up crying for help ages ago. I knew that nobody was coming, they surely would have by now. Occasionally, I caught sight of Kurt's face, having initially intended to avoid that area of his body they seemed to have forgotten that part of the plan and where once there was pale, unmarked porcelain skin, there were now roses of red and black and blue.

I'd completely lost any hope that we'd be found, and waited for the jocks to simply tire of their relentless game. Sobs wracked my body though I cursed myself for it, I'd been hit once, and I had no right to be crying. Poor Kurt was taking the brunt of the attack. I was always trying to be there for Kurt and remind him that this world could be beautiful but I'd forgotten to mention how it could turn cold in an instant.

After countless more punches and cries of pain from the fragile boy on the ground, I eventually heard something.

Feet pounded the ground furiously, though when they came into view I saw that the four boys were all wearing letterman jackets too and dropped my head again. Though I looked up again when they shouted for them to stop, pulling frantically at the boys in the outer circle. One with a Mohawk, whom had caused a faint glimmer of recognition somewhere in the back of my brain, managed to tear through the crowd and rip the boys away from Kurt savagely. His face was like thunder and, upon further inspection, I could see that the other three held the same expression.

The original jocks dispersed immediately, seeing the look on their faces and running with terror dripping from their own.

I was dropped and although my knees shook, threatening to collapse under me, I ran to Kurt. Cradling his head in my lap as I peppered his face with soft, apologetic kisses, I saw that he was still perfectly conscious. His eyes remained wide with fear as he turned to look at me, eventually sitting upwards and wrapping his arms tightly around my neck, as if he'd never let me go again.

He spoke not a word as I mumbled my apologies countless times, looking up to see three of the boys standing around me worriedly as the other blonde-haired one approached at a run with the New Directions and their coach in tow. 

When we were together it seemed as though the stars were falling for us. I couldn't let his skies turn grey.

"I love you, Kurtie. I'm so sorry."


	26. Sad Song

 

_Kurt's POV_

 

I felt my body being lifted and, after a short while, I was laid carefully in the back seat of a car; able to tell just from staring at the ceiling that it belonged to Blaine. He slid in beside me, lifting my head slightly to rest it ever so gently on his knee. Tears slipped down his cheeks at a steady rhythm and when I looked up, I saw that he had a large, dark bruise around his left eye.

My hand reached upwards instinctively to cup his cheek though as soon as I lifted it, a wince danced across my face as I allowed it to fall again. This simply caused Blaine to let out a strangled sob as he stroked his hand through my hair soothingly, trying to smile with reassurance though his eyes buckled and caved. He leaned down and pressed his lips against my forehead, mumbling incoherent lines of reassurance that were only lost in the hiccupping sobs.

Two more figures joined us in the car though I didn't turn to look at them, I kept my gaze solely on Blaine. He needed my attention more in that moment and I was able to identify them when they spoke anyway.

"Where's the nearest hospital from here?"

"Hospital? He needs to go to the police!"

Finn and Mr Schue.

My old glee coach let out an exasperated sigh as he ran a hand through his hair, obviously rather stressed from the events of the day, "Look, Finn, I know you're angry but he needs medical attention first, so does Blaine. The hospital will call the police when we tell them what happened."

Finn could hardly wait to butt in with his answer, fighting his case defensively, "But Mr Schue-"

My voice cracked and my words stumbled though I still managed to be heard over Finn's argument, "No."

"Kurt, what are you doing?" Blaine whispered tentatively as he helped me struggle to sit upright. I didn't want to be the invalid that everyone felt obliged to worry about and this was to be my first way of going about that.

After a short amount of struggle and a great deal of pain, I was able to sit up against the back seat with Blaine's arm firmly around me for support. I took a moment to catch my breath before turning to two of the people who'd helped me through most of my issues when I was at McKinley, "I'm not going to the police, or to the hospital. They won't do anything anyway and Finn, you know damn well that it won't be what just happened that they'll be treating."

Finn's eyes widened in panic, his head whipping around immediately to meet mine, "You're still doing that? Kurt, you said you were better!" His eyes, they cracked just as Blaine's had when he saw me struggling. I was causing these people far more grief than was necessary and all I wanted was to return to Dalton, to hide in the dorm until everything was over. My mind swam as I went over a checklist in my head; I was able to breathe relatively easily, my side wasn't exploding in pain constantly and I didn't feel sick or woozy.

Yes, my body was bruised but the only thing to have taken a fatality from all of that was my pride.

The arm wrapped ever so delicately around my shoulders tightened slightly when the owner felt my body tense beside them. Blaine cleared his throat quietly, eyebrows furrowed in a state of confusion as he glanced between my step-brother and I, "I'm sorry, what's happening here?"

Wiping tears from my eyes, I swallowed and began speaking again though this time, much quieter. My voice broke and stammered and tripped and stumbled as what I'd been thinking since the day my dad had met him finally started to bubble over, "We can't all be the perfect poster child, Finn. Didn't you ever stop to think that it wasn't just them making me do it? I do it to myself, remember?"

Blaine sat upright immediately at this, seeming to have caught on to what was being referred to here. I'd known he was going to, he wasn't stupid, and this was why I was crying. His long fingers trailed along my arm, eyes glazed with tears as the unthinkable came to mind, "Kurt, what are we talking about here?" I saw his heart fall and splinter with fractures, I watched as the vital organ began to thud rapidly with fear right behind his eyes.

Our gazes held each other for far longer than was comfortable as the words rose in my throat before dying every time I thought I could actually say something.

"Hasn't he told you?" Finn's tone, although slightly worried, was also cruel. He was bitter and he was resentful and he hated me for not telling him how bad things still were, that much was obvious. The taller boy sat with his arms folded against his chest defensively, refusing to turn and even look at me as the hatred was probably swelling behind his eyes.

I removed Blaine's arm from around my shoulders and held his hand delicately, as if it were something so precious even handling it could cause it to shatter, "Blaine, I'm sorry, I- uhh." My eyes darted to Mr Schue and Finn, the teacher watching with sorrowful curiosity and my own brother, his back turned in indignation. Blaine understood immediately, being able to read my panic as if it were written plainly across my face and asked for them to leave the car for just a moment.

Leaving quickly, Finn grumbled on his way out about honesty and trust and everything a brother should be; Mr Schue simply threw a sad little smile in my direction before climbing out from behind the wheel to leave us alone.

After another moment of attempting to voice what I wanted so badly to tell him, I eventually just sighed and sat up slowly to peel my blazer from my body. The pain was minimal as Blaine helped me to remove the article of clothing and then to roll up the sleeves of my shirt, leaving my arms exposed. They were no longer bandaged and the dark, red lines contrasted on my pale skin like, well like blood on snow.

Blaine's face, in that instant, all of the joy died behind his eyes as he allowed his slender fingers to travel across the deep lines. Blinking rapidly, Blaine looked up to me with tiny crystals forming in his tear ducts, his golden eyes rimmed red, "Kurt, you said that was just one time? You said you thought it would help but that it didn't and you promised me. You promised me that not only had you never done it before but that you'd never do it again!" He reached up to wipe the tears from his cheeks furiously, still clinging to my wrist with his free hand as if it were anchoring him, keeping him from just breaking down where he sat.

"Well, I lied, Blaine," My voice remained weak and desperate as my head hung in shame, I could hardly face him. I hated myself for lying to him, I hated myself for allowing this to happen though, and most importantly, I also hated myself for being weak and useless and just incapable of holding on, "Isn't that much obvious?"

Reaching across to touch my face, Blaine let out another strangled sob as I retreated, refusing to allow his cool touch to brush against my cheek.

"Blaine, I'm not going to the hospital or the police." I shuffled further along the seat, trying to get away from him as I pulled my knees up to my chest to close myself off from the world, "I don't want anymore unnecessary attention; if you want to go that's fine but don't bring me into it."

He watched my movements carefully, realising what was happening and sighing in defeat. Blaine gulped quietly before nodding slowly and reaching for the car door handle, "I'm going to tell Mr Schue that I'm taking you back to Dalton. I only need an ice pack but if you won't go to hospital then you're going to let the Warblers help when we get there, I don't care what you say."

Nodding gently, I climbed from the car and staggered slightly, my legs almost unable to hold my weight though managed to carry me to the front door. After a short while and a few muttered words outside exchanged between Blaine, Mr Schue and some other members of the glee club, Blaine clambered behind the wheel of his car and started the engine. He acknowledged me briefly before a frown came across his face when I refused to meet his eyes and pulled out of the McKinley car park.

I highly doubted that I'd ever be returning.

* * *

 

 

As soon as we'd arrived at Dalton, Blaine had insisted on helping me to the Warbler practise room, though thankfully he respected my decision and took the long route around the nurse's office rather than past it.

I'm sure we were a right sight; blazers haphazard, Blaine's eye black and bruised, I was hardly capable of standing and probably had dried blood not only on my face but also soaking through my white shirt. Blaine's hair was beginning to escape the gel and form small curls around the sides of his face and mine practically lay flat against my head as it had done in freshman year.

Blaine threw open the doors to the practise room in a panic, interrupting the Warblers' stream of constant chatter and causing gasps and expressions of shock to coat their faces.

Sebastian was the first to react, quickly ordering a group of juniors from the sofa and instructing Blaine to help me over. The panicked Warblers did as told without hesitation; even though they'd never normally listen to Sebastian, it was evident that this wasn't something to be fighting him about in their eyes.

"He doesn't want to go to hospital." Showing his distaste for my decision in just those words, Blaine carefully laid me back onto the plush sofa and knelt beside me, taking my hand protectively and kissing the back of it even as I struggled weakly to pull it away from him.

After eventually managing to detach my hand from his grip, I simply rolled my eyes, "I'm fine, Blaine." Looking to Sebastian desperately, I tried to show him that I was uncomfortable and that I wanted to be left alone.

Sebastian nodded discreetly, showing his understanding, "Could all of you go and continue Warbler practise somewhere else for today?" He bared his teeth slightly when the surrounding boys hesitated, though they left immediately when he sent them a cruel glare. The only boys who remained were Blaine and I's friends, all but Jeff who'd run from the room with Nick trailing at the first sight of blood, who refused to walk away when it was obvious that we were both in a considerable amount of pain, "What happened?" Immediately setting to unfastening my tie, Sebastian took the utmost care and eventually just pushed Blaine out of the way.

"Kurt was attacked," Voice cracking, Blaine wiped furiously at his eyes as he found himself beginning to cry again.

Turning to look at Blaine, Sebastian seemed to notice that his eye was bruised for the first time. He stepped forward carefully, reaching up to examine it though Blaine swatted his hand away immediately. Sebastian just rolled his eyes in disdain and turned back to me, where he continued to attempt to remove the layers of clothing clinging to my wounds, "What happened to you?"

Allowing a shrug to roll off his shoulders, Blaine stuffed his hands into his pockets and answered plainly as he watched Sebastian undress me with a displeased frown, "I tried to help him. Don't worry about me though, they only caught my eye." He winced when my shirt was removed and the large bruises were finally visible. It looked far worse than it felt, though it definitely felt bad. I'd hissed in pain every time Sebastian had brushed them when removing my arms from my shirt sleeves.

Sebastian turned back to Blaine and reached towards him again, this time grabbing his chin and forcing him to look at him when the shorter boy tried to step back. He allowed his hand to slide to the side of Blaine's head, gripping gently as his thumb padded over the tender flesh tentatively, "David, get Blaine an ice pack. In fact, get a few. Just say Jeff hit his head again, it won't surprise them." 

"Rightio." David nodded dutifully and turned to leave, stopping only once at the door to look back and grimace at the sight before him. His Warblers were falling apart.

Turning to a cabinet in the far corner, Sebastian strode towards it and spent a small amount of time finding what he was looking for. Eventually, he reached for a green box and threw it a Wes without even looking behind him, "Take Blaine over there and look at his eye properly."

I had to hand it to him, it forced the head Warbler to leave my side for longer than a couple of seconds and I couldn't be more grateful.

When he saw the gratitude behind my eyes, Sebastian threw a delicate smile towards me as he returned with a second green box and set to searching for bandages, "I was just getting him away from you, his eye isn't that bad, but you didn't look too happy."

"Thank you." I managed to croak out the two syllables just as David returned with a mountain of ice packs in his hands, complaining that they were stinging.

David struggled towards Sebastian and I with his bounty, eventually reaching us, "She wasn't there so I just grabbed them all," He dumped them unceremoniously on the table beside the sofa that I'd been laid on before taking one and walking over to Wes and Blaine where he handed it to his injured friend and placed a comforting hand on his back after seeing that he was crying.

Rolling his eyes, Sebastian began dabbing at my wounds with cotton balls soaked with rubbing alcohol, "I'm sure there are other people in this school who may need these today and normally I'd complain but I think we may be needing a fair few ourselves,"

Once he'd finished cleaning and dressing my wounds, Sebastian helped to sit forwards and buttoned my shirt for me. We sat in silence, just staring blankly for a brief amount of time, hearing Blaine's muffled sniffles from the other end of the room and Wes and David's attempt at comforting him. I kept my head angled downwards, struggling to breathe as the memories flashed across the backs of my eyelids.

After a short while, Sebastian just leaned forward and hugged me, wrapping his arms tightly around my body as the air left his lungs in shaky breaths.

I felt safe with him.

 

The next few days consisted of a lot of Blaine telling people he'd walked into the corner of a door and me, just trying to stay away from anyone likely to ask the question as I limped through the hallways with my bruised face and battered body. Sebastian was usually there to tell them to 'clear off' if they did try to approach us which was always nice, though when I was alone I simply walked away from the person.

I'd been avoiding Blaine for days, sitting with Sebastian every lunch and staying at his side whenever I could. He didn't judge me for not wanting to go to the police or the hospital, for being too scared to fight back against the boys who'd put me in that state to begin with.

They wouldn't have been reprimanded for it, we lived in Ohio. They'd probably have just been praised for beating two gays anyway.

* * *

_Third person POV_

 

Blaine had returned from Warbler practise after Kurt and for the third day in a row, sighed when the chestnut-haired boy stood up and walked out of the room.  He collapsed in his desk chair, spinning inattentively as his brain ran through everything he'd done wrong.

Travelling absentmindedly, he found his hand reaching for the photo of Kurt and himself that he'd pinned to the corkboard. It was the one Nick and Jeff had taken all those days ago, the morning that he had asked Kurt to be his boyfriend. Allowing a smile to flicker across his features, Blaine noticed how sad Kurt really looked for the first time; his eyebrows furrowed, the corners of his lips turned down into a deep frown, Kurt certainly didn't look happy and it broke Blaine's heart.

Blaine's fingers brushed delicately over the image, remembering all of the times he'd been by Kurt's side and had felt like fireworks and symphonies exploding in the sky. With Kurt, he'd felt alive and he'd always thought that the feeling had been mutual though the more Blaine thought about it, the more he realised that there was always a sadness behind Kurt's beautiful eyes. He wanted so badly to just take Kurt's hand and run with him through the halls of Dalton as they had on that night under the stars, to fall for him all over again without the sadness or the problems.

Looking back at their times together, Blaine remembered just how much of his past he'd painted in silhouettes for Kurt to see. He'd been so open and Kurt had barely told him anything. It had always seemed as if Kurt was standing on the edge; though on the edge of telling him things or on the edge of breaking down Blaine had never known.

Kurt was a beautiful mess.

He'd thought he could help him but no matter what Blaine did, he always seemed to end up sad.

A soft knock sounded at the door before it was pushed open to reveal his best friends. All four of them entered without a word and sat down on Blaine's bed, Wes and David sitting forwards, Nick and Jeff trying not to act too much like a couple in case it upset him. They paused for a moment, just watching him before deciding to finally say something.

"Kurt needs help, Blaine," It was Wes who started after looking to the other boys for encouragement. He fiddled with the cuffs of his sleeves anxiously, worried his hot-headed friend may get angry at the statement though frowned when he only exhaled deeply. Normally, Blaine would argue back or at least show how little he approved with a  face of disdain. This was such a difference that it set Wes to wondering if maybe Blaine also needed their help.

Blaine nodded, running a careless hand through his usually so well manicured hair, "He doesn't want it."

Shaking his head, Jeff started to butt into the conversation before Blaine could tell them to leave, his words desperate, "We don't mean medical help." He turned to the other boys to make sure he'd said the right thing, after all, Jeff wasn't always the most academic and certainly wasn't the best with words.

Nick nodded in reassurance, placing a delicate hand on the blonde's knee with a supportive smile, "We mean our help."

"It's time for a Warbler intervention." Watching Blaine's face attentively, Wes stood up and started to straighten his blazer, reaching a hand out to pull David up by the shoulder when the boy remained obliviously sat down.

David quickly remembered that he'd been meant to say something and stood beside Wes, holding his hand out to Blaine, "But we thought you should know first."

"Okay, fine, let's do it."


	27. I'll Keep You Safe

Kurt's POV

 

Sebastian and I were sat in Dalton's extensive library when our phones both buzzed with a message at almost exactly the same time. I'd decided to simply ignore it though felt the need to see what it was when Sebastian checked his phone and placed his pen down with a frown.

 

{ Warbler practise room. Come at once if convenient. If inconvenient, come anyway. }

 

I didn't need to check the caller ID to see that it had come from Jeff, he was quite the 'Sherlock' fan.

"It's probably only an impromptu meeting but we should go," He began to pack his books away into his messenger bag and looked to me when he noticed that I remained staring at the screen, having not moved from my spot, "Come on, Kurt. You don't want to make Wes angry for not turning up to Warbler rehearsal. That gavel is pretty hard, especially when it's coming down on your head. Trust me, I should know."

Looking up to see him offering his hand, I nodded silently and clutched my chemistry textbook to my chest, stumbling on the way from the chair and wincing slightly as it dug sharply into my hip.

We walked down the hall, my hand in Sebastian's firm grip for comfort as I shied away from every person that we passed who I so much as came under the line of sight of. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I certainly didn't want to go to Warbler practise though I knew that Sebastian was right, Wes would kill me if I didn't turn up. I had the feeling that Blaine would also be disappointed too and although I had absolutely no desire to speak with him anymore, the thought that he could possibly think poorly of me made my heart want to split in two.

When we'd arrived outside the door, Sebastian stopped us and forced me to look up at him by placing his hands firmly on my shoulders and angling my body towards his. He stared into my eyes for a moment as I attempted to look anywhere else but into his green irises, "Kurt, are you okay?"

I nodded absently, pulling away from his gentle grip with little force and standing back, waiting for him to open the door.

Furrowing his eyebrows, Sebastian paused for a moment longer before pushing the heavy door to the Warbler practise room open. Though he stopped again when he wasn't greeted by eighteen blazer-clad boys, but by five.

"Is Kurt with you?" Could clearly be heard in Nick's voice as Sebastian walked further into the room suspiciously, eventually pulling me along behind him when he'd realised that I'd stopped.

 

I cast my eyes over the five boys immediately standing to greet me, watching dubiously as they began to step towards us and stepping back when they started to get too close. Settling on Blaine, a quiet gasp escaped my lips as I noticed just how bad he looked. I'd been leaving the dorm before he'd woken and coming back after he'd gone to sleep since the incident, spending all of my spare time in Sebastian's room. I was too shameful to face him and I'd thought that he'd be better off without me anyway, I hadn't expected him to look so rough.

His hair was dishevelled, curls escaping the lazily applied gel and his tie hung loosely around his neck with his shirt untucked and the top button undone. My puppeteer's eyes seemed dead, no longer golden and shining like the stars I'd once mused that they'd controlled and he had a dark circle under the one that hadn't been hit whilst the other was still black as the night he ruled over.

"Kurt," Blaine swallowed, biting his lip before continuing as the nerves dripped from his face, "Please, come and sit down."

Sebastian glanced between us, folding his arms in boredom for a moment, "So, should I leave?"

Panic coursed through my veins and I immediately reached towards him, taking his hand when he offered it to me and clung to his side as if my life depended on it, "Don't go." My voice was pitiful and weak, it only caused Sebastian to throw me a tight-lipped smile as he led me towards the sofa that Blaine had been gesturing to.

The five boys sat opposite us, watching cautiously as they noticed how close we were sitting and how Sebastian's thumb continued to brush over the back of my hand every so often as my fingers interlaced with his. I saw Jeff look to Blaine in worry though Blaine's gaze remained fixed to the ground, refusing to look upwards and towards us. He occasionally ran a stressed hand over his face or through his hair, seeming to be thinking of what to say.

 

"Kurt . . ." David began though didn't know quite how to finish and trailed off, turning to Wes for help.

The dark-haired boy simply rolled his eyes and turned to me himself, ringing his hands together occasionally as he ran through what he was going to say in his head, "Kurt, we're worried about you. We're worried that you're sad and that you're going to do something you'd later regret." He paused for a moment, as though considering if what he was about to say next was appropriate, "That is, if you were around to regret it."

I have to admit, this shocked me, and it caused Sebastian to wince as I began squeezing his hand tightly without even thinking about it. My mind was singing with countless different things I could say to that though I chose none of them. I simply shook my head and attempted to stand to walk from the room though Sebastian held me down, "I think you need to hear this, Kurt."

"I think you're doing something you're going to regret by shutting Blaine out but I guess that's another story," This mumbled response from David only led to Blaine clipping him around the ear.

He pulled David close to him and hissed rather loudly into his ear, "I told you, we're not talking about that now. This is about him." Blaine pushed him back again and wiped his hands over his face, keeping them covering his nose and mouth as he refused to look towards me.

"What we're trying to say here, Kurt," Standing from the sofa and carefully approaching, Jeff knelt before me and prised my other hand into his delicate grip, "is that we're just really worried about you. You're our friend and we want you to be happy, whether that's with Blaine or not. We don't want you leaving us, alright Kurt? I don't know about the rest of these idiots though I'm pretty sure they agree, but I love you, Kurtie. You're worth so much more than you think you are and you deserve the world." He smiled as he noticed tears dripping steadily down my face and reached a hand out to wipe them away before he rubbed his own cheeks too with a sheepish grin, "We just wanted to make sure that you always remember that, even when you're not feeling too great about life." His brown eyes met mine as he rubbed at them nervously once again.

Watching his face, I bit my lip and tried to hold myself back from crying though I knew it was already far too late for that. Jeff simply smiled and let go of my hand.

"Hold out your hand, Kurt." Grinning as I did as asked, Jeff cupped his hands around it lightly without actually touching it, "Can you feel the weight of it? There's a whole world at your fingertips so don't be afraid, mistakes are bound to be made." He finally closed his hands around mine and gripped as if his life depended on it, "You can be anything you want, so pull up your sleeves and get stuck in. Build a new story for yourself, higher than the New York skyline because you're going places; Kurt Hummel, you're no Lima loser. All of that darkness, it'll all feel like a work of fiction soon. You can rewrite it."

Blaine stepped in at this point, kneeling beside Jeff and taking my hand from him smoothly as he fell back, retreating to Nick who simply held him in his arms, "Every red ribbon you pull, I know it's because it hurts but it's only hurting me." This caused a sob to leap from my lungs and into the air between Blaine and I, though the corners of his lips only twitched upwards before he continued, "One day, I'll take you to the Dalton forest, just not now because it's past curfew. Imagine it, Kurtie, the sound of the branches breaking under your feet, the smell of the falling leaves. We can go in a bitter winter or a sweet spring, I don't mind, just so long as I'm with you." Blaine watched as his words stirred within me, making everything more intimate as the happy tears swelled behind my eyes. 

"You're like a collection of pearls, pulled from the deep. You're like a landscape more beautiful than anything that I've ever seen. You're an artist, Kurt. Everything you do, so perfectly crafted, and your heart is your masterpiece. It's so kind and gentle and caring and so ready to love, I only hope that if it doesn't already, it will one day love me as mine loves you." The tears in my eyes went spiralling over the edge, falling down my cheeks as I watched Blaine's do the same, "You move me, Kurt, I've been looking for you forever."

 

I dropped Sebastian's hand without thinking and dived forward to meet the dark-haired boy in a spine-splintering hug, shaky breaths escaping my lips as I buried my face into his neck.

"I love you, Blaine, and I'm okay," Pulling away slightly to look over his face, I threw him a smile to try to convince him that he didn't need to be worried. I didn't want my friends to be unhappy because they were constantly worrying about me, "I promise."

This caused Blaine to laugh weakly, shaking his head, "I don't believe you, Kurtie, but we'll help you, we'll keep you safe."


	28. Talk Me Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this ending is set at Christmas. Don't question it. That's how I initially planned it, way back when we started in September 2014.

"Surprise, bitch!" An excited yell came from Jeff as he jumped up from behind the sofa that Nick thought he'd inspected thoroughly and fired four rounds of foam Nerf bullets at the back of his head. He giggled and darted down quickly before the raven-haired boy could shoot back at him.

Wes and David were running around the room, firing at each other playfully as they dived over items of furniture and rolled under tables.

I remained where I'd been since the very beginning of the battle, hiding under the piano. My only worry was where Blaine was, the other two were too immersed in their own opponents to come after me but I had no idea where the third member of their squadron could be. 

Barrelling into the common room haphazardly, Nick and Jeff had distributed their six Nerf guns immediately. Jeff called for order and for once, the boys listened to him without Wes having to help. It seemed that this was somewhat of a tradition. The blond had barked his orders with precision, never once stumbling as he sometimes did, "Anderson, Thompson, you're with Duval. Montgomery, Hummel, you're with me." He commenced the battle by firing a round of shots as Nick's face.

"Oh, you're going down, Sterling!" Without a pause, there was chaos. Bodies dove for hiding places and look-out spots whilst I simply tried to find shelter. I realised too late that the piano wasn't exactly a well-guarded area.

Just as I started to contemplate braving no-man's land and finding somewhere better, I felt a body hit mine as they threw themselves under the piano recklessly.

"My, you boys don't hold back, do you?" Sebastian chuckled as he struggled to pull his long legs under the piano with him. It took almost all of my self-control to not bark with laughter as soon as I saw that he had three bullets that had been adapted with suction cups on the ends sticking off his face, "I only came in here to say goodbye and that I'll see you after Christmas break."

I paused to look at him at this point, reaching up to pull the bullets off as I furrowed my eyebrows, "You're leaving Westerville?"

Glancing back towards me, Sebastian saw the worry and offered an encouraging smile, "Well, of course, I'll be at home with my parents in Paris. It's okay though, I'm only ever a phone call away and I promise I'll always answer, I won't be sleeping much anyway. Nathaniel is spending Christmas with us." He had to cover his mouth to muffle his laugh at my scandalised expression, hitting my arm playfully as my face reddened and I turned away.

Someone cleared their throat, their expensive shoes and trouser legs being all we could see though I knew who it was as soon as they opened their mouth, "The others have taken the battle into the hallways but I see I'm going to have to save my prince from the dragon if I want my chance at a fight."

Grinning, Blaine dropped to a crouching position and aimed his gun directly between Sebastian's green eyes, "Back off, Smythe. He's mine." This prompted fits of laughter from the three of us as the taller boy went cross-eyed to look at the gun. Rolling onto his back, Blaine fought his laughter as he scooted next to me under the piano.

We'd really come far, from Blaine and Sebastian being unable to stand each other when I'd arrived at Dalton those three months ago, even swinging punches at each other occasionally, they were now able to joke around and laugh together. It really was a difference and it really was lovely.

The other boys found us on the floor of the common room, under the piano twenty minutes later with Blaine cradling me in his arms and Sebastian flicking at underneath of the instrument as we traded stories like old friends. They watched at the door for a moment, smiling as Jeff pulled up the Polaroid that had materialised around his neck to take a photo, this being the thing that finally disturbed us. Apparently the Polaroids were another 'last day of term' tradition, which would explain the amount stuck on the walls of every dorm room and even along the hallways. 

David was the first to speak up as he gestured to Wes and himself, "We just came to say goodbye, our parents are here." The two boys nodded to us as a goodbye whilst Nick and Jeff ran forward to join the heap of Dalton uniforms on the floor. Wes would spending Christmas in Hawaii with his family and David was going to England to see his parents over the break, who'd moved there in the November.

Every goodbye up to that point had been short and brief, after all, we would all be seeing each other in two weeks anyway. This wasn't the end for us.

 

After Sebastian had left and Nick and Jeff had scampered off to finish packing, Blaine and I returned to the dorm room where my suitcase lay open on the bed. Blaine wouldn't be taking anything home to LA with him, but then, he didn't need to. Our parents weren't exactly in the same pay bracket.

Insisting that he help, Blaine was folding the last shirt as I pressed down the already full case. With a lot of teamwork and muscle on Blaine's part, we finally managed to get it closed. 

Blaine pulled the zippers together with a proud smile as he looked up at where I was sat cross-legged on top of the case, squashing its contents down. He grinned when standing up, noticing not only how close we were, but also that he was finally taller than me. Stepping closer, the grin spread to his eyes as they travelled down my face and landed on my lips, mere centimetres from his.

Wetting his bottom lip awkwardly, Blaine's eyes flashed up to meet mine for a brief second, as if asking for permission and when I nodded, he slowly closed the gap.

Every time Blaine and I kissed, it felt like the first time. It felt like we were back in that car park after a lovely day and a lovely dinner with a lovely date. The fire returned, starting from Blaine's delicate fingers on my cheek and spreading to my heart once again. It felt as though it would never burn out.

A noise, similar to that of a quiet scoff sounded behind us though I thought nothing of it when it stopped abruptly . . . until someone cleared their throat rather loudly.

This caused Blaine and I to leap apart as I toppled backwards, off the suitcase and onto my bed. I became flustered immediately, knowing that if my cheeks hadn't already been flushed from Blaine's lips on mine, they definitely would be by then as I pushed myself upwards. Looking to Blaine, I saw that he stood frozen, his eyes widened in worry as he stared at the two people who'd walked into our room unannounced.

"Father, I didn't realise you were coming," His posture was perfect, his back rigid and his hands clasped firmly in front of him. I could practically see his confidence draining.

It was sickening.

The man scoffed once again, looking away and glaring at Blaine's mother when she elbowed him subtly, "Yes, well, get your things together and say goodbye to . . ." He paused whilst I stood up to stand beside Blaine in an attempt to comfort him. Feeling his eyes looking over me judgementally, I squirmed and found myself being far less of a comfort than I'd originally hoped to be as I naturally cringed away from the man's stare, ". . . him. We're leaving."

Blaine nodded quickly, grabbing his duffel bag and satchel of necessities and homework before pausing beside me. He glanced at my face and for a moment, any trace of timidity left to be replaced by his usual charming smile when he kissed my cheek. This caused my face to redden once again as he took my hand and squeezed it, whispering the words, "See you after Christmas. I'll call you."

I had to pause then, unsure if what I was to say next was appropriate in front of his seemingly disapproving parents. In the end, I chose to take the leap of faith as he had and whispered, "I love you," before he could drop my hand.

Shock fell over Blaine's face for a moment before being replaced by a giddy smile. He looked anxiously to his father before deciding he didn't care and came forwards once again. This time, he reached upwards and connected our lips together one last time. Slow and soft and sweet, he mumbled delicate, "I love you too"s against my lips as childish, smitten smiles spread on each of our faces and his arms wrapped around my waist to pull me closer.

Blaine's father behind us looked positively scandalised, similar to how I had earlier when Sebastian had mentioned Nathaniel though this man was more along the lines of disgusted, and turned to walk out, causing his wife to sigh and watch him go.

When Blaine eventually let my waist go, she placed her hand on the small of his back and began leading him from the room though her son insisted on making it difficult by turning and blowing jokey kisses in an attempt to make me laugh. It worked and by the time he was finally escorted from the room, I was left giggling like a school girl with her first crush.

There was silence, though only for a moment. What else could be expected at Dalton?

Jeff came running through the open door with Nick trailing, their hands intertwined. The blond eventually dropped his boyfriend's hand to pounce on me as both attacked me with a bear hug, squealing about how "completely and totally adorable" that was.

"Oh god, I know! It's like every time we kiss, I can hardly stop smiling long enough to actually kiss him back!" I laughed as the three of us started bouncing around ecstatically, giggling like little kids.

After some light fangirling, myself included, there was a knock at the open doorway.

My father stood there, arms crossed with a knowing smile on his face as he watched my friends and I interact for the first time, "Well, you look happy for once," He grinned as Nick and Jeff ran towards him, the blond offering his hand and greeting him like an old friend before introducing Nick formally as his boyfriend, "It's lovely to meet you, boys. I hope you've been looking after my son as promised, Jeff?"

This caused my cheeks to flame for the umpteenth time that day as my father walked further into the room and stopped in front of me.

"So, who've you been kissing? Is it that lovely Blaine lad? I certainly hope so." My face dropped when I realised that he'd probably heard all of that conversation, if not seen Blaine blowing kisses on his way out and down the hall.

Jeff and Nick erupted into giggles once again and leaped at me in another hug, ruffling my hair childishly and squeezing until I felt that I would burst before Jeff paused and stood watching with a grin on his face, "We have to go now, Kurt. Have a great Christmas, though and we'll call you from New York!" 

I smiled to both of the boys as they made their way to the door, quickly calling out with a wave before they could leave, "Goodbye, Jeff, Nick." Though immediately Jeff came running back for one last hug before they ran out as a pair, making smooching noises as they mimed kisses and laughed as they scampered down the hall to get their things from their respective rooms. I really would miss all of them though, as I said, this wasn't to be the end for us.

 

Looking to my dad, I saw that he was smiling fondly with his cap in his hand. 

I loved it here, but I couldn't wait to get home.

\------------

 

It was Christmas Eve and I was still working on all of the assignments I'd been given for homework over the break when my phone started ringing.

"So, Kurt, you coming shopping with us?" Mercedes' voice came crackling down the line as soon as I answered. I'd just started up my laptop and audibly groaned as I glanced to the pile of essays on my desk to be done, I didn't want to have to say no but I didn't have much of a choice.

Shaking my head before remembering she couldn't actually see me, I tucked the phone between my shoulder and the side of my head so that I could type the password in, "Sorry, I've got a mountain of homework to start catching up on. It's also my turn to Skype Blaine tonight and Wes and David are getting involved as well. Nick and Jeff also said they were going to call and Sebastian wanted to ask me about some clothes he's seen in Paris and thinks I'll love for a Christmas gift."

There was a pause for a moment as I held my breath, anxious to hear that she was okay with it. Instead, her voice was cold and closed-off as she mumbled, "Right, okay. Sounds like you're busy. That's totally fine."

"Sorry, Mercedes." I hated doing this but I really didn't have time in the evenings for homework with talking to Blaine every night and I'd initially wanted to get it finished for Christmas.

After a shorter pause, Mercedes sounded almost sympathetic though I still wasn't off the hook as she said, "No, it's totally okay. You have your new, rich prep school friends now." That was what she'd been afraid of when she learnt I was going to Dalton. She'd told me not to forget them and not to just become another rival Warbler. I'd hardly spoken to any of them since I'd left.

Chewing on my bottom lip anxiously, I tried to think of what to say before deciding to just start and go with it, "Mercedes-"

Though I didn't even get the chance to do that as she interrupted and I could practically feel her disappointment over the line as her dejected voice came through with, "Kurt, just don't," and she ended the call without letting me reply.

 

A sigh escaped my lips as I considered calling back though thought better of it when remembering why I'd turned her down in the first place. I turned back to my English essay in resignation.

 

\--- Things from now on could get a little triggering so please don't put yourself at risk. Since it's the rest of the chapter, I'll put a summary at the end for anyone who doesn't feel comfortable reading triggering material. ---

 

An hour or two later my phone pinged again and I checked the time, seeing that I wasn't meant to be calling Blaine for another two hours and reached across to pick it up. As soon as I saw the text, my face fell.

{ Hey Lady. Haven't seen you around Lima. It's Christmas, I know you're home. }

I started breathing rapidly, my chest heaving as I stared at the words on the screen. My grip on the phone tightened so much so that I had to drop it, worried it would crack under the pressure as I was. Throwing my laptop to the side, I curled up on the bed and stared at the device, letting out little strangled sobs whenever it pinged.

After some time, they seemed to stop coming and so I picked the phone up cautiously, cradling it in my hands as if it were something precious.

{ We'll find your faggy ass, no matter where you're hiding. }

Short sniffles escaped as I skimmed through the rest of them, a few catching my eye though I tried not to look at any in enough detail as to read them.

{ You're not safe anywhere. }

{ You should just kill yourself, f*ggot. It would be better for everyone, especially your poor dad. }

{ Do you really think he wanted a son like you? }

Starting to feel sick, I clutched my phone to my chest as I ran to my bathroom and leaned over the toilet bowl desperately. I'd been trying to eat better so that Blaine would be proud when he saw me again in January so I'd actually eaten breakfast and lunch that morning. Though when I tried, I found that I was unable to actually throw up and so started to make myself. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of how disappointed Blaine would be yet didn't stop, needing some way to feel better.

One final text came in as I lowered myself from my position over the toilet until my back hit the wall.

{ Just slit your wrists already }

I threw the phone across the floor, watching it skid and hit the opposite wall as I pulled my legs up to my chest and cried with my knees pressed against my eyes in shame. My throat burned and my chest heaved as I sat there for what felt like hours but was probably only minutes. Eventually, I crawled to my phone and grabbed at it as if it were a life line which, in many ways, it could be.

Scrolling through the names in my contact list desperately, I eventually found Blaine. A small crown emoji sat next to his name and I sniffled as I saw that the most recent text read simply, { Courage }.

Tears continued to fall down my cheeks I practically hit the call button and pressed the device against my ear, desperate for him to pick up. It took a while and I almost gave up but eventually, I heard it connecting and his wonderful voice come through, "Kurt, is everything okay? You're an hour early and I thought we were Skyping tonight, I wanted to see that beautiful face."

 

For a moment I said nothing and it was long enough for Blaine to know there was something terribly wrong before I eventually croaked out, "I can't do it, Blaine, I just can't do it anymore. I want to hold hands with you and I want to get close to you, to come home to you and to sleep next to you. That's all I want to do right now and I'd rather fuel that fantasy than to deal with this alone but I don't think I can do it anymore. I know that I always draw the line when it starts to get too real but that's because the less attached we are, the less you're going to need to heal afterwards. It's always there, Blaine, it's always been there. That dull, grey nothingness that I always find myself in, it's still between us. I'm not asking you to talk me down, Blaine, it's too late for that. I'm just calling to say goodbye." The sobs continued to leap from my lips and dance through the air around me.

I felt trapped in my own little bubble of sadness.

Blaine's voice sounded again as he fought to be heard over the sound of my cries, "Kurt? No, no Baby. It's okay, it's going to be okay." He continued trying to quiet me as I wiped at my eyes and shook my head, covering my mouth with my hand.

"I can't. I just want to die, Blaine, I want to so badly." My voice came out muffled as it was through my hand though Blaine obviously heard as he didn't miss a beat.

"Don't think like that, Kurtie. Please, please don't, just hang on, okay?" More muffled sounds came through, though from his end of the line this time as Blaine covered the microphone with his hand and I took this time to search my cupboard to find my box of tools to plant the roses. I could still hear him calling out, "Cooper! Cooper, call an ambulance and send them to Twelve, St Elizabeth Street in Lima, Ohio. It's my boyfriend, I think he's going to do something." Ragged breathing came through for a moment in the silence before I heard, "Kurtie? You're still there?"

I stared at the sharp object between my fingers, twirling it occasionally and pressing into the pad of thumb gently as my eyes glistened, "Blaine, don't, I just want to go."

Small sobs came from the Blaine as his voice cracked through his words, crushing my heart as I started to accept that I was going to have to leave him and that I'd disappoint him in the end, "Kurt, don't, please. I love you."

 

Taking the small blade between my fingers once again, I stared at it for another long moment before whispering gently, "I love you too but I'm not your true love, Blaine, not if we're honest. You deserve someone who's going to be able to stay. I don't think I can do this anymore, it's all too much." With that, I ended the call and dropped the phone onto the bathroom floor, hearing it crack sickeningly as I watched my face attentively in the mirror. Tear tracks glistened on my face though at this point, I'd stopped crying. I felt numb again.

Without thinking further, I pressed the warm metal into my forearm and dragged it along. 

Vertically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Kurt got a lot of texts from Karofsky, insulting him and telling him to seriously hurt himself. He ran to the bathroom and threw up before eventually calling Blaine to say his goodbyes. We ended with Kurt making the first vertical cut along his forearm.


	29. Lay Me Down

Blaine's POV

 

Standing in the back of Kurt's hospital room, all of my composure had completely fallen out from under me. My usual bow tie hung loosely around my neck, my shirt was untucked and my wild curls flew wherever they wanted. I hadn't exactly been thinking about how I would look when I'd called one of my Dalton contacts and asked to borrow their jet to get to Kurt. As soon as I'd explained the situation, in very minimal details, they were more than happy to have their pilot fly me all the way from California to Ohio.

We'd arrived early on Christmas morning at his parents' airfield and I'd hardly waited for the plane to touch down before leaping out of my seat, ready to run for the car waiting to take me to the hospital.

Admittedly, my parents weren't exactly happy with the arrangement I'd made without consulting them but I wasn't just going to ignore Kurt, not after that. Cooper had said he'd distract them so that hopefully they wouldn't be mad by the time I got back though honestly, I had no intention of returning home before school started again. What I didn't have with me could be easily bought.

 

I was refused access once at the hospital, told his condition was critical, "immediate family only". Burt had looked at me in sympathy upon seeing my disheveled state and my face after hearing that I wouldn't be able to see him whilst he was still classed as 'dying'.

It's cruel, really. I understand why it's immediate family but when the doctors have told you that your boyfriend's condition is critical, that he's dying, you'd expect to at least be allowed to say goodbye.

I worried that this would be my one regret surrounding Kurt. That I'd have failed to save him when I was the first person he'd thought to call and that I wouldn't have been able to say goodbye because I was so busy being selfish. Telling him not to, telling him that I loved him.

What had he said? That he wasn't my true love?

I'd give up everything for him to not die thinking that we weren't meant to be because if there was one thing that I was sure of, it was that Kurt and I were destined. I'd only known him for a short time and yet, he'd made such an impact on my life; I wouldn't be me without Kurt. This me was better.

This me was happy.

This me was proud.

This me accepted himself.

 

After hours of waiting and more cups of instant coffee than anyone should ever have to endure, let alone on Christmas day, Burt came to find me in the waiting room. He told me that Kurt didn't seem to be getting any better but currently, that he also wasn't getting any worse; that the doctors didn't really know what else to do. I was to be allowed to be with him. He didn't need to say what came next, I knew.

I was to be allowed to say my goodbyes.

So, I found myself at the back of Kurt's hospital room, alone. His family had left to get a change of clothes and some breakfast, they'd been there all night after all. I hadn't moved in a good thirty minutes, hadn't even gone up to him.

I knew it was absolutely ridiculous and made absolutely no sense but it felt like the Schrödinger's Cat theory all over again; if I didn't go to him, he wouldn't be lying there dying.

Yes, I did believe that one day Kurt and I would be next to each other again, even if the days just seemed so dark and the moon and the stars that we'd watched together seemed like nothing without him until then. I knew full well that he thought of me as the 'Puppeteer', I'd always thought it was sweet but if it were true those stars would have died the moment Kurt's voice first came over that phone.

His touch, his skin. Where do I begin? No words could ever explain the way I would miss him, the emptiness I felt, the hole I'd fallen to. They didn't need to. The tracks on my cheeks told the story.

 

He always said he'd end up leaving in the end, that I should get out whilst I could, that when it happened, I shouldn't cry for him but there wasn't a hope in hell that I wouldn't be shedding tears as I stood in that room. Watching him cautiously, I took a step forward.

Without thinking, I looked down at him on the bed; so weak, so frail. My eyes searched his face for any sign of discomfort but the sickening thing about it was that he seemed to be peaceful. He looked as though he were sleeping and so, I clambered into the small bed beside him, gently wrapping my arms around his frame and holding him to me. If this were to be the last time I'd feel him breathing against my chest, so be it but I wouldn't let him die alone. 

I lay by his side, making sure he was alright and that I wasn't hurting him as tears continued to drip down my face, my bottom lip trembling and my golden eyes dripping as Kurt had so beautifully put it.

He'd always had such a way with words, everything he said was so balletic and graceful.

The more I thought about him, the more I realised that I didn't really want to be alive if I couldn't be with him anymore. He'd brought so much colour to everything, brightened my entire world. I'd been a cold, lonely boy, trapped in the closet on that first day that my new roommate had arrived. With Kurt Hummel, I was happy.

 

Eventually, I sat upright, just looking at him, "Kurt? I don't know if you can hear me but I just want you to know that I'm already missing you like crazy and I don't want you to just let go. I believe in you, Kurtie, I know you can do it. I know it's selfish but please, Kurt, hang on for me." My hand brushed delicately over his soft hair. Laying in a hospital bed after being poked and prodded by doctors all night he looked nothing close to lovely, but he would always be perfect when looked at through my eyes.

"Well, you're a sappy old git. Aren't you, Anderson?"

Glancing up, I saw that Sebastian Smythe stood in the doorway with a sad smirk tracing his features. He looked as bad as I felt, his usually immaculate hair lying flat against his forehead and dark bags under his eyes, "How's he doing?"

Shaking my head softly, I sniffled and wiped at my eyes, "Not good."

I could see the sympathy behind his eyes as the smirk fell and his face crumpled, Sebastian's cold exterior faded completely and for the first time, I saw the scared young boy behind that mask. If I hadn't known how well he normally dealt with things, I'd have said he was more like Kurt than anyone had initially thought. No wonder they were such good friends.

"Blaine? Blaine, I want Blaine."

 

My eyes shot up as I whipped my gaze from the pillow I was clutching to my chest to the boy laying beside me. His voice was hoarse and his eyes were squinted, his hair was ruffled and his lips twitched into a faint smile, his hand reaching for mine weakly as he tried to clear his eyes of any haziness and see whose hand he was reaching towards.

Gripping it as if our lives depended on it, a relieved laugh escaped my lips in a bark. I practically launched at Kurt desperately, though remembered to be careful as he struggled to sit upright.

"Kurt, don't. Kurt, lie back down. I'll get a doctor!" Practically leaping into a standing position, I began to scamper to the door before Sebastian put his hand up and pushed back against my chest, stopping me from running straight out of the room.

I stared at him for a moment, confused as I looked up to meet his gaze though a grin spread across my face and I nodded when he said, "Blaine, stay with him. I'll go." He turned and strode out calmly after dropping his bag on the chair near the door squeezing my arm gently, whispering into my ear, "He's awake, you're lucky. Keep him happy Anderson or you'll be answering to both his step-brother and I."

A nod started in my head and practically vibrated through my whole body in my desperation to put my point across, causing the taller boy to laugh on his way out of the room as I turned back to Kurt.

My elated expression calmed slightly as I stepped back over to the bed; nerves began to radiate from the both of us as I pulled a seat over to his bedside and took his hand cautiously in my own again, as if it were a precious butterfly. Taking a moment, I eventually found what I was searching for and looked up to meet his gaze, sighing before allowing my voice to crack over the words, "I thought I'd lost you."

He dropped his head immediately, sniffling and turning away, shuffling under my gaze, "I'm sorry."

Smiling gently, I squeezed his hand and reached forward with the other to push his messy hair out of his eyes with a quiet chuckle, "We can help you, all of us at Dalton, you just have to tell us." This really seemed to help as I watched him perk up slightly.

"Thank you." That hadn't been something I'd been expecting, the worst part of me had been expecting him to be mad at me for sending the paramedics to his house but that didn't seem to be the case as he seemed grateful instead, "I wasn't thinking, Blaine. Not at all. I love you, don't let me leave you," Gratitude and belonging were painted across his childish features, fat strokes marking his face and causing me to break into a grin.

"Don't be ridiculous, Kurt. I'll always look after you."


	30. Top of the World

Kurt's POV

 

A gentle knock sounded on the door as the people surrounding me looked up to see who was there. My dad sat on the left side of the bed with Carole close behind him. Sebastian lounged lazily in an arm chair at the back of the room and Blaine's hand gripped mine tightly from his position on the bed beside me.

Walking into the room, we found that the source was a short, blonde woman with her hair scraped back into a messy ponytail, clutching a clipboard to her chest, "Mr Kurt Hummel?" She smiled gently and looked down to see the notes she had about my condition, "I'm Doctor Smoak. You seem to be fine now, we've given you a local anaesthetic to numb the area and stitched and dressed your wounds. As long as someone stays with you at all times for forty eight hours, you can be discharged by your father if that's okay with him?" The poor thing, she looked exhausted and I wasn't surprised. Junior doctors didn't exactly have it easy. Still, she made an attempt to seem cheerful as she adjusted her glasses and I really appreciated that.

Five pairs of eyes turned to my father expectantly, waiting for an answer before I eventually managed to croak out a timid, "Dad?"

He simply looked to me, a cautious expression smothering his features though after sharing a glance with Carole, he nodded and turned to the doctor with his nervous eyes, "Yeah, sure, that's okay." Following the doctor from the room with Carole behind him, my dad turned back at the last moment to wink at me and quickly give a thumbs up as if to say, 'it's gonna be fine, Bud'.

Sebastian approached my bedside with his signature smirk, taking the free hand that wasn't held by Blaine and letting his features settle into a smile, "You had better not do anything like that again, gave me such a fright. I flew from Paris as soon as I heard." He paused for a moment, running his thumb across the back of my hand as his eyes dropped to where he held tightly on my fingers as if they would anchor me to the Earth with him, "Unfortunately, I have to be getting back now. Nathan's waiting outside, he would have come in but he's deathly afraid of hospitals. I couldn't leave him alone with both of our parents, just his own are bad enough. See you at school, Hummel."

A small sniffle escaped my slightly parted lips as I allowed my fingers to tighten around his, "Thank you, Sebastian." Our eyes met as he looked up once again, catching my blue eyes in his green ones.

Chuckling, his hand reached out to pat my cheek lightly before ruffling my messy chestnut hair, "No problem, kiddo" He leaned down to hug me and caught my gaze again as he pulled away, gently whispering, "You're wonderful, Porcelain," into my ear before he turned and patted Blaine on the shoulder; eventually walking out and wiping at his eyes discreetly.

 

The car pulled up at my house silently, however it was not awkward.

My dad and Carole were sat in the front with Blaine and me behind them. Blaine's tanned hand had barely left my own since helping me up from the damned bed that had held me captive.

I had the strangest sensation of having come full circle, the past was repeating itself. The leaves from the trees had wind-milled through the air in the September, crisp and auburn and dying; but now there were none. Simply dead, spindly branches painted on the tops with a layer of snow. Flakes fell softly from the sky, so delicate like tiny ballerinas as if shaped by Khione herself. The last time, I'd thought that any of their efforts would be futile, that I would leave them. Now, I had hope. Blaine was going to help me. I knew it. So maybe winter was a dead season, but new life comes with the spring.

Thankfully, this time there was no welcome-home party waiting for me behind the wooden front door. Only Finn.

"Kurt!" The taller boy immediately leapt towards me, prying my hand from Blaine and clutching me against his chest as he let out a relieved breath. His large hands ran over the back of my head whilst I buried my face in his shoulder and shook with loose sobs, "I missed you so much."

Eventually, I was able to pull away with a faint smile on my face as I looked up at him, "I missed you too."

He returned this with a fond smile as he finally looked passed me and saw Blaine standing awkwardly behind us. Pride flooded through his features as he watched me interact with someone other than the usual Warblers for once, even if the boy was my step-brother, "Blaine, isn't it?"

I could practically see Blaine tense in that moment. The last time they'd interacted hadn't been exactly orthodox so he nodded stiffly and allowed a small gulp to shake him, "Yes."

"Thank you." A smile graced my features as I saw Blaine struggle to comprehend how easy that had been. It was so very obvious that he didn't know Finn and his goldfish memory as he eventually flung a charming smile across his features.

My father intervened with a quiet chuckle as he came up behind where I stood with Blaine, flinging his arms across our shoulders as he squeezed delicately on my shoulder blade, "So, Blaine, when are you heading off home?" Resting my head on my father's shoulder, I looked to Blaine curiously. Of course, I didn't want him to leave but I refused to keep him from them for the entire holiday season, even if they weren't that close.

The panic on Blaine's face suddenly became evident as realisation dawned across his kind features, "Actually, Mr Hummel, I didn't make any plans to return. I couldn't really stand any more time with my father as it was." His shoulders rolled sheepishly and I'm almost certain my coo was audible as my father dropped his arm and allowed me to go to him.

An inquisitive eyebrow raised slightly under my father's cap as he looked to the shorter boy, "I don't suppose you have anywhere to stay?"

Once again, Blaine's eyes threw themselves open with shock, worry, "Actually, I didn't think of that."

"Don't be ridiculous, boy!" Looking to my father, I saw his usual grin gleaning from his eyes though looking to Blaine, I could see that he didn't have a clue what was happening and it was quite refreshing, actually, "You're staying with us, of course! I wouldn't turf out the boy who saved my son's life."

Blaine's smile settled back onto his face as he barked a short laugh and pulled me to his waist with an elegant grin, "Oh, right, well. Thank you, Mr Hummel."

Eyes crinkling around the corners, my father rolled his eyes softly and patted Blaine's back as he jerked his head towards, "Go on up to Kurt's room, boys. We'll make up the bed in the guest room for you Blaine after tea."

"Oh, I can do that, Dad." Stepping back to my father, I watched his sad little smile.

My dad shook his head quickly as he squeezed my hand carefully, "No, Kurt, you rest with Blaine. You've both had an incredibly stressful couple of days. Just leave the door open, is all I ask."

Laughing quietly, I reached up onto my toes to place a gentle kiss on my father's cheek before returning to Blaine and taking his hand as we ascended the stairs. I paused halfway up to survey the scene below me; Carole had immediately taken my place in my father's arms as she comforted his small sniffles, eventually pulling Finn in to join the hug who had started crying silently. Blaine pecked my cheek as he saw me smiling as I watched them and pulled me gently up the stairs.

 

The 'Little Mermaid' credits rolled up the screen of Blaine's iPad as his attention fell to me. My attention had been on him for the last forty minutes of the movie as we lay together on my bed; my head fell on his shoulder as his legs wrapped themselves around mine.

There was a moment of silence as our eyes met, fond smiles lingering on our lips before I decided to break it, "I love you, Blaine."

"Where's this coming from?" His eyebrows furrowed curiously as he reached a hand up to caress my cheek tenderly. This only caused my body to melt under his touch as I leaned into his touch automatically and flutter my eyes closed.

Scoffing quietly as I realised what he'd just said when able to compose myself, I pulled away to sit upright and watch his face attentively, "Can't I just stay that I love my boyfriend?" When Blaine tried to reach out and pull me towards him once again, I evaded his fingers to make sure he knew I was serious this time. Did he really think I didn't love him?

Blaine simply rolled his eyes with a smile in his eyes as this time when he caught my hand, he insisted on holding onto it, "Well, of course. It's just that you don't normally come out with it at random."

I laughed at this, squinting my eyes sarcastically as I reached up towards him and pressed my lips against his delicately. Pulling me onto his lap, Blaine wrapped his arms around my waist as giggles erupted from the both of us when I snaked my arms around his neck and he nibbled gently on my bottom lip.

Things quickly became slightly more frenzied, as opposed to the lazy pace we'd been moving at before; he tightened his arms around my waist, pulling me closer to his body.

Suddenly the sound of the door opening rang through my ears (we may have 'forgotten' to close it earlier) and Finn walked in without knocking. He practically shrieked upon seeing me, bare-chested and on top of Blaine as I pushed his button-up shirt down his muscular shoulders, "Kurt!"

However, as soon as the hinges had creaked, I'd leapt from Blaine's lap as if struck by lightning and hid my face in the crook of his neck awkwardly though it was too late for my brother to have missed what was happening, "Right . . . Uhm, well, dinner's almost ready so I was just coming up to ask what you two wanted to drink but I can leave if you're busy . . ."

"No! Finn, sorry. Uh- just, don't tell my dad!" Looking up, I glanced to my brother with fear in my eyes as I shielded my body with Blaine's.

Laughing, Finn came closer and sat beside me on the bed as he tapped my cheek lightly, "Don't worry, Porcelain! I'd be such a hypocrite and I owe you for the amount of times you've helped me sneak Rachel in." He smirked to Blaine, who I felt laughing as his chest rose and fell quickly, "Anyway, Blaine, Sprite?"

"No, water is fine for me. Thank you, Finn."

As Finn left the room, I mumbled a quiet, "Apple juice, please," and smiled softly as he put his thumb up before closing the door behind him with a horrifically exaggerated wink.

A long whine escaped the back of my throat in embarrassment as I returned my face to Blaine's neck and he laughed freely, patting my hair with a grin, "Did he call you, 'Porcelain'? I thought that Sebastian's thing. Who else calls you Porcelain and why, I don't get it?"

"Sue, the cheerleading coach at McKinley, called me it because of my pale skin. Sebastian calls me it because I'm fragile and likely to shatter." Shrugging softly, I looked away from Blaine as he watched me intently. His eyes faded as I explained Sebastian's reasoning and he reached forwards to encase my long, thin fingers in his.

Thinking of what to say, it was obvious that Blaine was struggling as he kissed my cheek quickly before simply coming out with, "Oh, Kurt." Pity was laced through his words as he stroked my hair carefully, "I promise, we'll fix you."

\-----

My fingers intertwined with Blaine's as we strolled through the halls of Dalton on the first day back after Christmas break. Classes, however, didn't officially start until the next day.

It didn't take long for a small collection of Warblers to come running from the common room and bombard us with greetings, hugs and even a few tears. Blaine had informed me that he'd had to tell our little group what had happened when they'd repeatedly tried calling and honestly, I didn't mind. They deserved to know and they'd done so much for me over the few months we'd known each other.

"Kurt! We've missed you so much, never do that to us again!" Jeff's voice was breaking as he flung his arms around my neck and held me tightly against his body, his eyes squeezed tightly shut.

A sympathetic chuckle escaped my lips as I returned the gesture, dropping my bag so that I could hug him with both arms and cling to him to anchor myself, "I'm so sorry, Jeffy, I wasn't thinking. I didn't think I'd hurt anyone else but I'll never do it again. Ever." When he eventually stepped back, a group hug quickly occurred as Wes, David and Nick filled in the spaces around me quickly.

When this eventually ended, they stepped back to reveal Sebastian standing there with his arms folded and the trademark smirk on his face, "Hummel, you're back."

My face broke into a wide grin as I stepped forward so that I could hug my best friend. His long limbs wrapped around my upper body quickly as I hugged him back, "Did you get a new cologne in Paris? You smell European."

Laughter erupted around us as Sebastian pulled away and winked, "That's what love does to you, Kurt."

The laughter quickly turned into coos as Jeff jumped forwards and demanded knowledge of this new person in Sebastian's life that made him so happy. Little did Jeff know, Smythe had known them for years, "Nathaniel is well, I suppose?"

"Oh, of course. He apologises once again for not coming into the hospital." Sebastian smiled as Jeff watched intently, returning to Nick's side.

Shrugging casually, I chuckled and grabbed Blaine's hand once more, "It's fine, don't be ridiculous. I would have been the same way." Nodding solemnly, Sebastian's lips spread into a grin once more as we walked up the grand staircase together, "Jeff, Nick, how was New York?"

Long sighs escaped Jeff's lips as he grabbed at his boyfriend's arm and allowed a wide smile to encompass his entire being, "We saw the Statue of Liberty, went ice-skating in Central Park and even watched the ball drop from Nick's family's tower next door!" He looked to the dark-haired boy at this and stole a kiss quickly as soft giggles fell from the both of them.

"In short, it was lovely." Nick smiled and wrapped his arm around his boyfriend's waist, pulling him closer.

Blaine grinned as he watched the pair before turning to Wes and David, "How about the two of you? How were Hawaii and England?" Two very mixed responses sprung from the boys who both began talking at once.

"Great; sun, sea, sheilas."

"It was terrible! My parents bought the most secluded manor I've ever seen. When you go to an all-boys preparatory school, the holidays are the only time you get to have a bit of fun. How am I supposed to have fun when the nearest town is a forty minute drive away?"

Sebastian snorted at this as he rolled his eyes, gesturing to Nick, Jeff, Blaine and me, "Well, these four seem to manage to have fun here."

Sighing deeply, David shook his head as we began laughing uncontrollably, "Yes, well, 'these four' are about as straight as Neil Patrick Harris riding a unicorn." His grin quickly extended across his features though as he attempted to give Blaine a noogie though complained when his hand came away covered in hair gel, "For fuck's sake, Anderson!"

"What did you expect? Blaine's had that hair gel helmet since he transferred in freshman year!" Wes grinned up at his taller friend, offering a tissue as the boy tried to find a place to wipe his hands.

\-----

Green trees fluttered in the breeze around us, a robin's nest perched on the branches; we sat underneath them by the Dalton lake after the last day of school, the first day of July. We would not be leaving the dorms until the next day when our parents collected us.

Nick and Jeff stood with the water coming up to their calves, their trousers rolled up to their knees as they splashed each other, blazers abandoned beside Sebastian, Wes and David on the shore. The three were busy going through all of the end-of-term Polaroid photos they'd taken over this last year at school. David and Wes had just graduated and would not be returning to Dalton in the autumn so they were finding the ones they wanted to keep. The others would be left around our dorm rooms until the next year, when it was time for us to graduate and we'd pick our favourites.

In Warbler rehearsal the day before, we'd had a ceremony to choose a new Warbler Council and it was no surprise to find that Blaine, Sebastian and I had been chosen to lead in the future. Wes' gavel and the role of Head of the Warbler Council, however, had surprisingly gone to Jeff though the blond was under strict instructions to never use it irresponsibly. These included for reasons other than Warbler Council and for use on delicate surfaces.

Blaine and I sat a little further away, under the shade of the trees, "Almost at the top now."

"What?" Confusion scattered across my pale cheeks as Blaine simply laughed and pulled me to his chest, "Blaine Anderson, what are you talking about?" The quiet breeze ruffled my hair as I looked up to see a flock of sparrows flying overhead as he shook his head silently.

Blaine reached forwards to draw back a lock of hair that had fallen in my face as he grinned ecstatically, chuckling when he caught sight of my slightly dumbstruck expression.

"Kurtie, I don't know about you but at the top of the world, my head and heart start pounding." He hopped up into a standing position as he screamed into the sky, "I can hear my voice resounding!" His words really hit home; here we suddenly felt important. We weren't just two boys from prep school, we were on the top of the world. We were finally in a position to control our own lives and we did so wholeheartedly, "However, you have to see it to believe it."

My eyes rolled fondly as I tugged him down beside me, "Believe me, I've seen it."

Laughing softly, Blaine rested his head on my shoulder as we watched Jeff and Nick pull the other three boys into the lake, not stopping to let them roll up their trousers, "When you're at the top of the world; you're alive and you're free." Nodding, I rolled my eyes as Blaine looked on in pride, his voice soft and gentle, "You know for certain what's behind and below and you can work on moving forwards."

"We'll make it, Blaine."

"Kurt, with you, I feel like I'm already there."

 

Later that evening, Blaine begged our prefect to allow us to stay out past curfew for a picnic by the lake. The fact that school was out and this boy had just graduated was probably the only reason he said yes but he allowed us to go and gave Blaine the key to let ourselves back in.

Striking the match, Blaine lit the tall candle he'd stolen from the piano in the common room to set it in the middle of the blanket obnoxiously.

It was lovely.

We ate in silence, simply staring out at the moonlit lake and watching the water lap lazily at the shore as a barn owl screeched in the trees behind us. Eventually, my head fell onto Blaine's shoulder as my body leaned against him, exhausted by the day's festivities.

The moon shone above us, casting a dim glow over the Dalton campus and lighting everything in a fairytale phosphoresce.

I felt complete, happy even.

When I'd arrived at Dalton I was cold, guarded. The boys in that school had helped me to open up, to allow people in, "Kurt Hummel, I must say, that spark of yours had gone out but I think it just might be striking again."


	31. Epilogue: Afire Love / Like It Here

Third person POV

The rain hit the pavement melodically, striking the ground with a sad, melancholic air that perfectly expressed the anger and frustration of the small funeral party marching through the graveyard.

It had been two years since Kurt and Blaine had graduated Dalton academy, leaving the Warblers behind with their uniforms as they fled to live in New York together. Kurt had been steadily recovering over the year until he lost his job at Vogue and everything had come crashing down. Things had been getting bad again for Kurt and one fateful night in Ohio brought everything crashing down.

An ebony casket sat on the shoulders of six mournful souls, the friends of the departed who were able to hold themselves together long enough to carry the poor boy one last time. Sebastian Smythe; barely managing to maintain his cool composure. David Thompson; eyes brimming with tears though he knew he had to do this for his friend. William Schuester; biting his lip against the rush of bitterness at losing a beloved student. Sam Evans; allowing his tears to freely drip from his cheeks. Mike Chang; the talented dancer evaded the eye contact of those around as he pulled up the rear left of the coffin. Finally, Noah Puckerman; his tough exterior cracked as the company arrived at the grave, the final resting place.

These were not all necessarily the most important people in his life but they had certainly meant a great deal to each other and those who had shaped him fully were unable to compose themselves enough to carry the casket.

Behind them came the train of people, the family of the poor soul and their close friends. 

The Hudson-Hummels led the little group, Burt and Carole's hands locked together as they held onto each other for dear life as if in fear of losing their significant other as well. Carole's free arm was fixed tightly around the waist of her remaining son as Burt remained eerily silent.

After the family came the friends. 

The first huddle, walking in silence, contained Artie being pushed in his wheelchair by Quinn as Santana and Brittany walked hand-in-hand beside them. Rachel, eyes glistening as she clung to the arms of Emma Pillsbury and Mercedes Jones, came soon after. Tina walked beside Mercedes, wrapping her arms around her upper body for support as she grieved the loss of the young boy.

Behind this group came the ex-Warblers. Nick and Jeff, clutching onto each other for dear life bit back loud sobs as they followed the procession, their eyes sparkling under their dark umbrella. 

Beside them stood a boy, looking completely out of place. He knew very little of the deceased, having met him maybe once, but he'd come for his boyfriend. Nathaniel walked alone, his collar turned up against the cold with his pale hands tucked into his pockets. Sebastian had left him to carry the coffin and although he was fine with it, he rather obviously felt out of place on his own. 

Behind them was Wesley, his arm wrapped around a tall girl with dark skin and wide eyes by the name of Evie. She allowed Wes to lean against her for support as he attempted to hide his tear-stained cheeks from her out of pride. A second girl walked on his other side, this one fair-skinned and petite. Clara was a girl David had met that summer, at his parents' manor in England. She was beautiful with sweet eyes and her brown hair curled so that it brushed the tops of her collarbones.

Finally, pulling up the rear of the group, walked a lonesome Blaine Anderson.

His patent shoes practically dragged across the floor as held his umbrella aloft half-heartedly. Wanting nothing more than to be able to return to his apartment in New York and have this god-forsaken ceremony over with, he stared at the ground as he walked, wishing it would swallow him whole. He'd miss the boy for the rest of his life, just as the others would; he'd always supported him and told him to go for it, even if he hadn't exactly trusted him at first.

The casket was lowered into the ground slowly and carefully as the remaining step-brother took his place at the podium at the head of the grave, rifling through his sheets of paper anxiously to find the ones needed.

"We are- were the same age, but at times I felt a lot younger than him. We were very close, in fact, we shared a lot of the same friends and a room for a short time."

The first few words were almost robotic, plain. This was until he caught sight of the parents stood beside the grave and decided to turn over his sheets of paper and continue unaided, "He was remarkable in so many ways. His entire nature made him a delight to be around."

A small sob escaped the lips of Mercedes as she grabbed onto Rachel's arm to hold her upright as the two girls wept almost silently for the friend they had lost.

"He really loved his family. He was a beloved friend, son, boyfriend and a wonderful brother to me over the years we were family. He was an incredibly respectful and caring man, at his happiest when he was surrounded by his family and friends. His devotion to us was the foundation of his actions." Pausing, the boy rubbed his eyes gently as he bowed his head for a moment before continuing, "He was a good friend and could always be depended on. Whether you needed simple advice, a shoulder to lean on, companionable silence; he was a listener, if you will. 

"He had a strong sense of right and wrong. My brother was not a cruel man and he spoke out when it was needed; his strong principles did not allow him to let something wrong stand unchallenged. He cared enough to act - to follow through. He never let anyone or anything stand in the way of making things right." The boy glanced to the frame of the head Warbler, taking strength as he watched him steel himself, "My brother continued growing and never stopped, constantly learning and changing. He never sat back and became complacent. Easily excelling at most tasks he took on, my brother was an excellent performer; a star singer through high school and he had aspirations of making it big. Unfortunately his career was cut short by this tragic event. He had big dreams and it is unfortunate that he will never be able to achieve any of them."

Another long pause occurred as the funeral goers held back sobs and sniffles, clutching each other for support as they looked down at the stygian coffin with damp eyes.

Gulping softly, the dark-haired boy saw Burt nodding to him and he stood straighter to continue, "I miss his kindness, his support. He was always there if I needed someone to talk to or needed someone to make me laugh. He may be gone but his memory will live on forever. I know that I will miss my brother more than words can say. We should all be thankful for knowing him and for his time on earth." Stopping as he stared at his feet, the boy grasped the podium and bit his lip to fight back tears falling from his light eyes, "You may not realize it, but you leave an amazing legacy behind, Finn Hudson." Kurt Hummel struggled greatly to compose himself as he stepped away, grabbing onto his father's hand desperately as he hid his face in the man's shoulder.

After each member of the family had thrown a rose onto the coffin and sprinkled the first handfuls of soil, Blaine began stepping quickly towards the boy who'd given the speech, taking him into his arms immediately as he could see he was struggling to keep it together.

Sobbing freely, Kurt grabbed onto the dark material of his lover's suit as he wept, "It's all my fault, Blaine, it's my fault. He called me, I could have saved him."

"Kurt- Kurt, stop! There was nothing you could have done, it was too late. He'd already taken the drugs, he'd already drunk the alcohol. You got the ambulance there but the paramedics said there was nothing they could do!" Blaine held tightly onto his boyfriend, holding him as close as possible to shield him from view of the others. Not only would Kurt be completely mortified if they saw him like this, it wouldn't help him to see Carole and Rachel breaking down by the grave.

Blaine knew that Kurt would have been reminded of his mother's funeral and therefore knew this was difficult for him. He'd only talked about that day a few times but it sounded heart-breaking.

-

The two boys were sat together on the sofa in the common room, Blaine tracing absent circles on Kurt's back as the taller boy cried silently. It was the anniversary of Katherine Elizabeth Hummel's death and Kurt was taking it particularly hard.

"Kurt, tell me what happened to your mother."

Looking to Blaine, Kurt gulped softly as a brief smile flickered onto his face and he reluctantly began, "Oh, where to begin? She had brain cancer. She was fine one day and then everything was gone. It was as if someone had taken her memory. She was rushed to hospital and I heard that she was in a lot of pain but that could have been the medicine. My father used to tell me, 'it's not her fault she doesn't know your face, you're not the only one' and I vaguely remember my grandmother telling me that she used to sing." A wide smile filled his face as he stared towards the ceiling, eyes closed; just remembering, "She had the most beautiful eyes."

"You must have got those from her then because I could stare into yours until the sun comes up." Taking hold of Kurt's hand, Blaine smiled warmly, glad that he'd found a way for Kurt to remember his mother without crying.

Scoffing softly, Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine, "The cheek of this boy." Kurt tutted gently before continuing with the story, "No- no, I remember now, she did sing. She'd sing around the house, when we had tea parties, putting me to bed. It was like we were wrapped in light and love-" In that moment, Blaine placed his open lips on Kurt's and slowly let them shut. He'd claim later that he did it to remind Kurt that he loved him but really, he'd been unable to stop himself in that moment. The taller boy had looked so beautiful talking about a time in his life that was so wonderful it made the stars dance in his eyes.

Pulling away, Kurt allowed a delicate smile to settle on his features before his brows furrowed, "and then suddenly she was gone. It rained at her funeral. There were so many strangers, people I didn't know, people she'd touched throughout her life just by being her wonderful self. I think most of Lima came to the church that day." Kurt's voice was quiet at that point, barely above a whisper as he leaned into Blaine and began to sing softly, "You are the angel glow that lights a star, the dearest things I've known are what you are."

"That's beautiful, Kurt." Blaine spoke in a low voice, deeply shocked by the emotion expressed in those two lines. He knew that Kurt was an exceedingly exceptional singer but he'd never heard such raw love, even when he was singing to him.

-

 

Taking Kurt's hand, Blaine led him away from the grave as the funeral party began to walk to their cars at the bottom of the hill. They were to go to the Hummel-Hudsons' house to celebrate Finn's life. They reached the house in a somewhat comfort silence, pulling into the driveway and heading inside to the buffet Kurt had helped Carole prepare before they'd left for the ceremony.

Sitting alone at the back of the room, Kurt swirled his wine around in his glass before looking up to see the old Warblers approaching him.

"Kurt, I'd like you to meet Nathaniel." Sebastian's smirk held merely sympathy as he watched Kurt stand and offer a short, closed-mouthed smile before shaking the black-haired boy's hand and nodding.

Nathaniel began speaking after Sebastian nudged him, "Obviously we're meeting under terrible circumstances but it's lovely to meet you nevertheless. Sebastian has spoken about you a lot."

"Likewise." Nodding briefly, Kurt looked to Blaine, begging for him to finish speaking with Sam and return to his side. He looked to the Warblers, his friends and the people they'd brought with them. Although yes, they were there to support Kurt, they were also there because they'd become good friends with Finn and the New Directions over the years. Surprisingly, the best friendship had sparked between Sebastian and Santana.

Jeff and Nick stood beside each other, still together after all those years.

Sebastian had Nathaniel, they had refused to listen to their parents and continued seeing each other.

David had, ironically, found a girlfriend at his parents' secluded manor and now clutched Clara to his side as he smiled to her.

Wes held onto Evie's hand tightly as he sniffled occasionally and pecked her cheek, squeezing her fingers occasionally for support.

They were all so happy.

\---

Kurt's POV

 

Later that evening, I was trying to get to sleep, Blaine's arms wrapped around me in my old bed but I couldn't help wriggling. The raven-haired boy was fast asleep and so didn't wake as I slipped out of his grasp and grabbed Finn's letterman jacket from the chair beside my bed. Pulling it on, I stopped and watched Blaine for a short moment before leaving the room and sneaking out of the house.

I drove for what could have been minutes or hours, I really wasn't keeping track. Eventually, however, I pulled up at the grave yard.

After walking up the hill, I stood beside the headstone under the cottonwood tree and looked out at the beautiful view, "I think you'll like it here, it's a nice spot to be." A sad smile crossed my features as I sat beside the elegantly carved marble and played with my fingers, "There'll be birds in the spring, fireflies in July. You'll see leaves turn yellow and watch as the snow flurries." Taking a deep breath as I tugged the jacket further around me for warmth, I felt tears brimming again as I shivered slightly, "It'll be peaceful all year."

Watching as the fireflies began to glow around the tree, I thought about how I'd escaped to Dalton . . . how I'd just ran away from it all. It had taken me a while but I'd soon realised there was no one tearing me down, I didn't have to dread the hall. I no longer found my name scratched on each bathroom stall with insults and profanities. Yet lately, at NYADA, some of that was starting to happen again. No one liked me there, the people were cruel.

Here, it was tranquil and calm, there was nothing but sky and earth. No one there could harm me or question my worth. The occasional rabbit or deer would pass but at least they wouldn't insult me, "Finn . . . Do you like it here? I know it's stupid to ask but do you regret anything?" Looking out over the wide expanse of grassy fields that rolled across the countryside on the other side of the hill, I leaned against the stone as I rubbed sleep from my eyes, it was two in the morning after all, "Do you think I should die, too?" Sniffling softly, I glanced down before asking myself, "Would I like it here?"

Maybe I'd finally fit in, like they said, with the worms and the dirt. If I was buried deep enough I wouldn't feel the pain but then I'd miss things. I'd miss marrying Blaine, starting a family, growing old together. I'd miss my family just being alive.

"Kurt!" I knew the voice calling for me, it didn't take him long to figure out where I'd gone.

Blaine eventually came into view as I turned to see him approaching, his sympathetic expression lit only by the torch he carried, "Come on, Kurt, let's go home. We can bring fresh flowers again in the morning if you really want to."

Offering me his hand, Blaine's furrowed his eyebrows in confusion as I simply stared at the outstretched limb for a moment, merely thinking.

Should I die, too?

Eventually, I reached up and grasped his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really like the idea of Laura Osnes being how Kurt's mother looks and is because she's wonderful and talented and seems so lovely. Let's say she was thirty when she died and she had Kurt young at twenty two. For some reason I think of Burt as about forty three in the show when Kurt is eighteen so he was twenty five when Kurt was born.
> 
> A young version of Jenna Coleman, though looking how she looks now, is Clara (because Doctor Who) and Keke Palmer is Evie.
> 
> Also, the song Kurt's mother sang to him is called 'All the Things You Are' and I like the Laura Osnes version. The two songs for the epilogue are 'Afire Love' by Ed Sheeran and 'Like It Here' by Connor Russell from the Hinterlands web musical.
> 
> Anyway! That's it done. I don't know how to cope. This is over.
> 
> I would like to thank all of you who have read this because that really means a lot, those who commented with kind messages and voted for it especially as without that, I'm not sure I would have continued this.
> 
> I'd actually like to thank @MyLeakyCauldron on Wattpad for being my first comment and the only reason I remembered I'd started this. Without that comment on the eleventh of February 2015, five months after the first chapter was posted, I'd have never continued. So thank you (I don't even know if you're still reading but whatever).
> 
> Those who have stuck with me deserve medals as I'm so slow at updating.
> 
> And so, for the final time on this story;
> 
> Thoughts?
> 
> ~ Rowan


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